I am so glad
to have let her
slip in my life
and make the moon shine again

i want saturday mornings to always smell like
black coffee and your cologne

i want to wake up before the sun rises
and walk around in wool socks, sing elvis presley
under my breath because i'll never admit it
but when i fell for you it was relentlessly and without
inhibition and
                          i just
                                     could not
                                                   help myself

i want to carry two mugs back to bed instead of just
one and i want to be there when you wake up
slowly

Loving you in the form of forced "I love you"'s between every touch, between every doubt inside that screams "no" while you keep screaming "yes" but all I wanted was for you to touch my heart the same way you touched my thighs and grabbed my face unapologetically
Loving you in the form of bare feet on wet pavement similar to the way you carefully walked your way into my mind. I wish every natural disaster would sound like our hurricanes of false "I love you"'s and forced moans

Losing you in the form of blankets on that cold November morning when our hearts were no longer fabricated to beat the same. I never quite forgot the way the frost matched the color of your eyes the day you decided loving me was as worthless as hiding from the monsters that lived in your head. Losing you in a form quite similar to the closest way we made love; you'd lie with I love you after minutes of me hoping you'd stop. The cadence of your voice became stale and I think I could see winter in your eyes even when I was not looking at you and my sighs became more frostbitten than your words.

Missing you in the form of sweaty palms but you never really were one for holding hands and now your fingers are shaking harder than they did during our first kiss but it wasn't our first kiss I missed, it was every one after that and the way you'd whisper I love you as if one time you truly meant it, just to watch me walk away when I thought I'd had enough. Missing you in the form of wearing your deodorant every night after years of you being gone because I will never feel safe without your memory. I was clinging to your memory in hopes that these nightmares aren't my reality but you never woke me up and I'm still waiting to be held by your words.

Forgetting you in the form of burnt love letters smothering out your voice in my head but still stinging deeper than any cut you placed on my heart. I still remember the rush of blood to my face the first time we touched, but now I wonder if the heat was a spark in interest or a warning sign. Forgetting you in the form of sleeping the time away, just to see your silhouette in my dreams. I don't trust my own two hands, how can I ever grasp yours again? Forgetting you was slam poetry except its not beautiful at all and the only thing being slammed is the doors to my heart because I'm not sure if it's safe inside anymore.

This broken heart,
she did her part,
to hurt, confuse, and outsmart.

She wanted some space,
all I wanted was to give her a place,
so that she would stop crying into her pillowcase.

I wanted to love, to kiss and to show,
that she didn't have to go,
but she was scared, filled with woe.

She rejected my affection,
took all except the tension,
now here I am, unable to function,
left to clean up her destruction..

For one whole year, you were right there,
So far away, yet so close.
It was like everything in this world was fair
With you by my side, I had nothing to lose.

Everything was beautiful, bright and full of life,
We smiled at the nature's beauty and sun's rays.
But now I feel like I might have made a mistake for I think
That one answer changed everything.

At first, the world seemed happy, and so was I.
For with you by my side I thought everything was perfect.
However when that horrible day came, I still feel like I could've changed
Everything that happened, but now I have only myself to blame.

I miss you so much it suffocates me, makes tears flow,
Gives me bad dreams and internally torments me.
For one answer changed everything for good, then it changed everything for the worst.
Nothing is the same and you're not by my side anymore.
Though we may be far away now, the memories will stay with me forever,
But the hole in my heart will be empty forever,
For because of my one wrong answer, I lost you. I lost the fight.

her reality is sour,
her dreams are sweet.
her reality is dull,
her dreams are bright.
her reality is depressing,
her dreams are exciting.
her reality is true,
her dreams are false.