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When I was younger, I had this wild imagination that never stopped. I was constantly dreaming, constantly in a whole different world. This imagination was born out my hopeless desire for all things unrealistic and this burning determination to always be the best. See, if I was a princess for the day then you can bet I was the best **** princess around. No princess was nicer, more beautiful or more desperate for a prince than me.

And this imagination really helped me because inside my head, I’ve always felt lived all these different people. Now these people all look like me because they are me but all of them have polar opposite personalities. They all represent all the different personalities I have. And in this world I created they would all meet together and sit around a table at a tea party and talk and debate with each other. And this escape was crucial to my childhood because I was the kid who always failed personality tests. Now how this was possible, I wasn’t sure. I was always the last to finish them because each question was like its own test to me. One answer never applied because it was either all of the answers or none of them. When I finally submitted the test the results would always come up as “not available” or “try again.” And for so long, I wanted to know what personality type I was but I was never able to fit into these boxes that people had created. And when you’re in middle school, all you ever want to do is fit into this box. A box.

And I always had a hard time with the saying, “Be true to yourself!” Because I never understood which “self” they were talking about and I still don’t understand what that means actually.

But in my world, there were no personality types or “self-s” because all of my “me-s” got to be whoever they wanted to be. And there was no confusion or embarrassment or suppressing any of the people who lived inside me. And when I was meeting all the different people in my head I got to experience all the different aspects of me that when I was around people, I tried to hide because not all of them were “nice” and “polite.”

And while I got to know all these people, I realized that all of my stronger personalities were the rebellious, outspoken and not really “socially acceptable” ones. And during these encounters I realized that one was very ******. Now no one knows me as a “******” person or whatever that might mean. And my whole life I’ve struggled with trying to conceal this person inside me because I grew up in this environment that was scared of women sexuality. The church I grew up in, the youth group there had this, “*** outside of marriage will **** you” policy and only marriage *** is good *** and everything else is the devil and you will blow up if you have other ***. Now ironically, we had three girls in my youth group get pregnant that year which destroyed this perception of *** outside of marriage makes you blow up that I had, had. And it began this process of my really beginning to understand my sexuality, and not in the sense of like, feminist, claiming my body, I-can-do-whatever- I-want sexuality, but understanding what I liked and what I found attractive and really beginning to comprehend this personality that I never thought I was aloud to talk about. This environment that my youth group had created made me believe that I wasn’t aloud to have this personality, which was really hard for me because I thought, “well if this person is bad, then who else inside of me should I never show?”

And I began, “experimenting” I guess you could say—secretly—and I discovered at thirteen while I loved kissing boys that was all I liked. I remember the first time a guy wanted to do something more than kiss and I was utterly traumatized and confused. And while I loved one aspect of sexuality I realized that *** itself, absolutely repulsed me. Like the idea of seeing a boy naked terrorized me and thinking about being that vulnerable and open around another human being had no appeal to me whatsoever and it wasn’t until I was seventeen actually that the idea of *** actually had an appeal to it. Now I never told anyone this because I thought that this wasn’t normal at all and I wasn’t aloud to talk about it. I saw all these girls around me having *** and talking about it and I just sat there like a lost sheep trying to imagine it and wanting to curl into the fetal position.

And to this day, this idea of being so open about sexuality is so foreign to me. And along with discovering this, I also discovered that I loved being rebellious and taking a stand and “fighting for justice.” Now this was absolutely contrary to what I had been taught. I was taught to respect any authority figure no matter how dumb they were. And this concept was just mind boggling because while I had this intense need to please people and be the favorite, I also had this insane impulse to constantly question and debate authority. Which, this ended up being a game to me because I got so good at “respectfully” being a rebel—or a **** in my teachers eyes—that none of them could punish me but they would groan as I walked into the classroom. Now not being the favorite was a totally new concept to me that was introduced in high school, and I struggled for a long time with this idea that I couldn’t be this strong questioning person who couldn’t be concealed. I was constantly getting in debates with my mom or family members over “knowing your place as a teenager” which to me is the dumbest excuse for anything. Nothing ****** me off more than that saying because they act as if I’m less of a person with less of an opinion because I was a teenager. And this idea that this personality wasn’t aloud to be created one of the biggest internal conflicts I’ve ever experienced. Because while one person in me desired to please, this rebellious person was quickly taking over and I was testing out the “be true to yourself” philosophy.

For so long, I believed I shouldn’t have all these different personalities and I tired to tailor to the ones which people liked more while trying (and failing) to ignore the ones that people didn’t. And for so long, I believed that I was the only person with this problem and it wasn’t until way later in life that I realized that everyone has all these different personalities inside them. We are taught that we have to choose who we are and be “true to that self” when in reality, that is about as wrong as it gets. We are told to whom we are supposed to be true to without being given any room to test who we are and figure out which sides of us need to be let out. And don’t give each other the room to change everyday and to allow each person inside of us the room to breathe.

So my challenge is to be true to your imagination, because that’s where you get to discover all that’s inside you. And once you begin allowing yourself to be all the personalities that live inside you, you get to experience all the different aspects of life and this world that you need to. Hiding from these people inside you only makes them louder. So go on, give it a try.
14.7k · Jan 2017
Tea and Whiskey
Most humans drink coffee and wine
They consume television and mainstream novels
They feed their souls with popularity contests and safe relationships

But poets
We could not survive without passion, intensity, and meaning
Everything we feel is felt to the depths of our souls
We are the ones to put into words the unspeakable pain of heartbreak
The incomprehensible joy of falling in love
We are the ones brave enough to say out loud the diaries of a thousand souls

Us poets
We drink tea and whiskey
12.0k · Jul 2015
Muse
You only need your heart broken once
To be able to create a lifetime of poetry
4.1k · Jun 2017
They Didn't Stand a Chance
To her
They were just boys
Coming and going
Like tides taking effortlessly from the shore

But to them
She was the moon disturbing all their movements,
Controlling their feelings with her mysterious big eyes
And they were all helpless to her pull
2.6k · Jul 2017
Dating a Sad Girl
I don't pay that much attention to who is holding me
As long as there's someone to keep the pieces together for a night
Whoever's arms they are doesn't really matter
I'm not looking to fall in love
I'm trying not to fall apart
2.5k · May 2014
Daisies
I built walls with wire
Wrapped tightly around my heart
The wounds hadn't quite yet turned to scars
And I was determined
To not let anyone else
Tear the almost closed wounds apart
I was so afraid
Because everyone else proved to all be the same
But then you came along
Waited patiently for the wire to unwind
So you could climb my towering walls

"I see a universe within your eyes"
You said to me
"I need to see more"

I didn't understand you
Because I saw demons, not daisies
In the garden of my soul
And when I watched you realize that
You took every minute to show me
All that you saw
And tonight
As you sit amongst my thoughts
I'm seeing daisies
I've heard a lot about heart break being at 3am, insomniac nights filled with silently sobbing into pillows and when sleep finally comes, it is only greeted with stabs of loneliness when the cold realization floods in that you are waking up alone.

But they forget to mention that it happens walking down the middle of the sidewalk at 2pm when you're supposed to meet a friend for coffee and you see a face that's a distorted version of his because your heart is so desperate for him that it starts to try to find him in strangers.

They don't tell you that it happens six months later when you're starting to feel good again and you accidentally hear that he's dating someone new and it sends you spiraling down into the crushing weight that he doesn't love you anymore and suddenly you're not eating again and the man who works at the liquor store makes a comment about your drinking habits.

No one talks about it happening when you start falling in love with someone else and you're sorting through your computer and stumble across the album of pictures of him that you haven't looked at since the breakup a year ago and you think you're strong enough to see his face and you realize how desperately you loved him but it still wasn't enough for him to stay.

People fail to say that it happens at your best moments when you are so full of life and love and joy that all that can radiate from your smile is the strength that conquered demons and you see all the beauty that is around you and you remember the person that you always wanted to share this moment with has decided he wants nothing to do with you anymore.
1.4k · Mar 2017
We Lost Each Other
Our hearts were made for each other

Unfortunately our minds had a tendency to get distracted
And our bodies surrendered easily to the loneliness
1.3k · May 2017
Before You
Before I met you
I never thought I'd find someone who responds to small questions with large answers
Because you know the little details are important and you want to be honest and not leave anything out

Before I met you
I didn't think someone could listen as well as they talked
You love to listen but I love the sound of your voice
You don't like asking questions and I never can decide on a answer
But you're still the only person I never want to stop talking to
Because you're the only person I know who likes conversations just the way I do

Before I met you
I let men cut corners on things I loved because I thought I loved them
But then you came along
And showed me that all the things I thought I didn't need
Were the things always missing
1.3k · Dec 2016
Pretty Girl
No one ever feels sorry for the pretty girl
Why should they?
She gets dinners and dates and all the attention any heart could desire
Who could complain about being the center of attention every day?
Other girls would **** to be told they're beautiful as much as the pretty girl is

But you see,
No one ever taught the pretty girl she has the right to say "no"
No one tells the pretty girl that she's more than pretty

Because pretty fades
And pretty girls know that
And pretty girls are terrified that when their bodies fail them and all they have left to offer is their heart, soul and mind
That whoever loves them won't stay

Because no pretty girl
Knows what it's like
To be loved for more than her pretty
1.2k · Nov 2013
Words Cannot Comprehend It
To say I miss you would not be enough.
The way you laugh
The way you smile
The way you smell
The way you taste
It is still so present to me my heart aches for you
Every inch of your being
Even though I have seen the worst of you
And I have been at the receiving end of that dark side
I love you with everything in my soul
Please love me
Please look past the cracks you leave
Past the pain you inflict and the walls you help build

Please love me
The air is sweeter when you're near
And to say I need you is a understatement
The word "need" cannot comprehend the longing I feel for you and everything that you are.
Savannah Charlish ©
1.2k · Jul 2015
"Be Polite"
The greatest sin of human kind was setting standards in which humans aren't allowed to be brutally honest with the world around them
1.2k · Jan 2017
Timing, You Heartless Wench
They all called karma a *****
But she's a saint compared to timing
1.2k · Nov 2013
Please Never Forget Me
This is the last time
You will hold me close
I cannot return
Though for you my heart will always yearn

I cannot express
The extent of my gratefulness
For your unending love
The laughter you brought me
The warmth you filled me with

I hope that life treats you well
In Gods presence you always dwell
I have never been good at goodbyes
I cannot help but cry

I never have the words I want to say
They never come out the right way
So just know how wonderful you are
That you have a special place in my heart

Please never forget me
For I could never forget you
Because darling,
You will always be in my memories.  


*Oaxaca Missions Trip-2013. Thank you for leading me back to Jesus.  Always in my heart, forever in my memories.
Savannah Charlish ©
I am gently teaching my heart to move on
There are nights she still asks for you
Moments when I have to remind her why you left

She asks me often how we lost you
And every time I softly whisper,
*”You are not the one who lost in this story.”
1.1k · Jan 2014
Better.
You deserve better.

*Yes, possibly.
                   But better is quite terrifying to me.
1.1k · Dec 2016
Your Greatest Mistake
I gave you all my love
I threw myself in with no reserves
Everything you were,
Both good and bad
I loved without strings or requirements

I gave you all my love
And you can't say the same
That's why I know peace

But love for you will become and endless chasing game
You'll seek my ghost in every girl
But I won't be found
You'll never be able to erase the mistake
Of not giving us your all
1.1k · Apr 2017
You Have My Heart
I think the most magical thing about poetry
Is that no matter how many times you read a poem
Overlook it
Don't understand it
Maybe not even like it

One day
Something happens
Your heart breaks in a certain way
And it clicks
A poem that once seemed foreign
Puts your heartache into better words than you can yourself
My head is spinning in circles
But a sip of liquor hasn't touched my lips
I can't feel my body
Even though I've never been so sober
All I can hear is the sound of my laughter
And I haven't had a drink in days

Because when I look back at you
Your big blue eyes
Your half grin
Looking back at me
I realize this is what people mean
When they say you get drunk on your lover

You're not mine yet
But I don't think my liver
Could endure the love of you

I don't know if this heart of mine
Could endure the hangover
When you leave
1.1k · Aug 2015
Undo Me
Break me open
Untie my scars
Pull out every secret
Every burn

Kiss me undone
Take this mess
And discover every hidden piece
Hiding in the sheets

Unravel my soul
Touch me so gently
Like you might break me
Pull me close and dive into my mind

Undo me
Every piece
Bare upon the sheets
Break me open
1.1k · Feb 2017
I Could Never Hate You
I wish that I could hate you
But unfortunately
I love you too much to do that
And yes,
You failed in a lot of ways
But you were also wonderful to me in a lot of ways

You loved me too good to ever hate you
1.1k · Jan 2017
Beauty Fades
I don't know...
It would just be nice
If for once
They noticed my heart or my mind
Before my body...
You know?
1.0k · Mar 2017
Forgotten
I've forgotten
How many times you forgot
You said you were bringing flowers
Only to walk through my door empty handed
But good intentions and your convincing kiss made me forget
How all I ever wanted was for you to bring me flowers
.
.
.
.
.
(I've grown a garden in your absence. They give me hope that someday someone will love me enough to not forget)
1.0k · Mar 2017
I Did Everything I Could
People will tell you not to fight for love
They will say things like "set it free and if it's yours it will come back to you"
Or "if you have to fight for love then it's already over"
And "you deserve better than having to fight for someone who doesn't appreciate you"

But these things are not right
Love knows no boundaries
Sometimes people need to be fought for
Life is distracting and has a tendency of keeping us from listening to our hearts

So fight
Pour your entire soul into reminding them of the love that has been shared between your intertwined souls
And if then
They still don't remember of the magic of your smile
You can let go
And you will not be burdened with any regret
Because you fought
You gave it your all

*And if they are willing to walk away from someone who loves them enough to fight for them
Then they were never ready for your love
And there's nothing wrong with you
The tragedy rests solely on them
Does growing up mean that you are not allowed to feel?
Is it about covering up your scars so well that we all forget the burdens that these shoulders have carried?
Am I entering a competition to see who can tape together their broken pieces the best?
Does growing up mean putting a piece of duck tape over your stories to silence the sum of who you are?

Because if that's what this is...
I beg of you,
Please do not make me do that.
I envy simple minded people
Ones whose hearts are not drowning in the sorrows of the world

I wonder what it's like to so easily feel joy
How easy it must be to breathe without the whole earth's pain wallowing in their hearts
987 · Feb 2017
One Last Letter
Dearest Love,

How are you doing?
I think I still know the sound of your voice.

The missing you isn't constant anymore,
It comes in waves.
Sometimes the moon is full and the waves are big and crash tears all over my face.
Sometimes it's a barely audible lapping sound gently whispering your name.

My life is good and my heart is full.
I wish you could've known this version of me,
But you were the one person standing in the way of it.
I wish I could share all of this with you now but you are not in the place to be loved as deeply and intensely as I love.
Maybe that will always be our tragedy.

Goodbye love.
I am going to keep letting you go.

Think of me often.

*Forever yours
There is not one difficult experience I have gone through that I can write about because honestly, you do not just go through something difficult and then it is over. You go through that experience everyday and carry it with you in every moment, sometimes in your consciousness and other times in your sub consciousness. And there isn’t just one thing you learn because it teaches you something new everyday.
My entire life I have struggled with bullies. No matter what school I attended, I found myself a target. I experienced a lot of different forms of bullying from having accounts of mine hacked to harsh verbal confrontations. Even though I have no bitterness or hatred towards those people, the things they said and did are things I have to heal from everyday. But going through the healing process has taught me things about people and myself that I could have never understood had I not had to deal with those situations for such a large amount of my life.
Being a victim of bullying has taught me to always be kind. I carried the feeling of constant loneliness with me for most of my middle school experience and that made me never want to make other people feel that way. In later conversations I had with those bullies, I told them things that had been going on in my personal life during those years. They often looked at me with amazement and a common response was, “I had no idea.” They would tell me of the things they were going through and believed that I had an easy life and used me as a way to express their anger. It was through that, that I realized we are never able to comprehend all of the pain in the people around us. I learned that through kindness, there could be healing for both of us and so, I try to make the effort everyday to find people who just need to feel loved.
It later taught me that we have a responsibility to make other people aware of their actions. My senior year I will be able to direct a one act and I made the decision to write my own. It tells the story of a girl who was bullied and committed suicide. I wrote it to be uncomfortably honest because I want people to become aware of their actions. I want people to understand what I learned from bullying. I hope that through my one act I am able to inspire people to be better once they learn that even what they believe to be the tiniest of parts in someone’s life, they might actually be playing a major role.
Most recently, it had taught me that I have a lot of trust issues. I constantly ask people to be completely honest with me and to be open but I struggle immensely with that myself. I am working on becoming a more vulnerable person again because that is when you are able to help people.
Bullying has taught me so much of who I am today. I realized that when I thought I had no choice but to give up, I found strength to keep going. I know how to recognize when someone is hurting and I have been given the ability to help them. Even though I have no bullies in my life today, I will never be done with that experience. It is something that I wake up every morning knowing but I never wanted it to make me bitter so rather I let it form me to become someone better. Everyday that I spend healing, I spend learning too. And so, even though it is not over, I would not have it any other way.
When I first started writing
I started writing poetry for men

Now I do it for myself
And those poor ******* are just collateral damage
Feelings like these
Don't come easily for me
It's very rare that I ever have them
And every time they come around
I get hurt

So this time
I will just sit with it
Let myself admire and adore from afar

I will love you until I no longer can
Oh sweet unrequited love
941 · Nov 2016
Am I the One that Got Away?
I know you think of me

But does it leave you breathless-
Imagining me with someone else?

Are you left crumbled up-
Sobbing on your bedroom floor?

Does it hit you out of nowhere-
And you're left wrought with regret and wonder?

I know you think of me-
But do you miss me?
932 · Feb 2017
There's Only One
I could write you a million metaphors to explain who he was to me
But if I'm being honest
There's only one that does him justice

He is the sadness you feel when you love someone so much that even though they are breaking your heart
All you can do is look at them through blurry eyes and say
"No, I'm so happy for you"
And hope that your smile is enough to convince them that you will stop loving them one day
920 · Aug 2017
Be Gentle with Me
I want to fall in love with you
I so desperately do
But unfortunately there were men who came before you that wrecked my heart
And ever since then I haven't been able to love the way I want to
(The way I know I could)

I will give you my heart
But only if you can make the promise this is the last time I give it away
912 · Mar 2014
I've Never Asked For Much
Dear clouds, I beg you
Either pass so I can sleep with the comfort of stars
Or pour down your tears so I can sleep to the sound of the rain
Just all I ask
Is for something
I am trying to learn with grace
To let go of those I loved
But who were not made of forevers
872 · Feb 2017
Blaze
They spewed rumors like sparks

So I turned into flames

I engulfed them with my self-love

And burned out all their hate
866 · Aug 2013
Memory Lane
Ill take a walk down memory lane
Cause it's only there I get to see your face
And nobody knows that I miss you
No one gets too
And though I wish I could deny these feelings inside
There is just no more trying to hide
Because I still cry when our song begins to play
And I remember every detail of your face
My stomach drops when I hear your name
And I'm taken back to a forgotten place
I begin to wonder if you're doing alright
If you're with another girl tonight
And if you asked how I was
I would lie and say fine
Cause I miss you with every boy I kiss
Nothing feels right if they aren't your lips
And it takes everything in me not to call you
And tell you how much I love you
Say all the words resting on my lips
They've been there since you left
You said you wished we could be friends again
But you realize that can't happen
But I don't think you understand
Because if we were friends again
I wouldn't be able not to fall for you
Savannah Charlish ©
861 · Mar 2014
Take Them, They're Yours.
How simple is a kiss
To just touch another with your lips
How powerful it can be
When stolen or fought for and given freely
859 · May 2016
Storm
That's the thing about poets
Where others see a storm
We are reminded that our hearts are not alone in their torment
Where others hear rain
We hear the whispers of a thousand forgotten dreams
Where others feel cold
We feel ice piercing into our souls making us bleed out all of our secrets

That's the thing about poets
Only the beautifully tragic can understand them
Maybe I told you too much how much I loved you

I know I spent a lot of time coming of with ways to show you how truly extraordinary I thought you were

I left notes in the pockets of sweatshirts you let me borrow and made sure they always smelled like me when you got them back

I wrote you love letters every time I got angry at you just to remind myself how much I loved you and so you could know that despite my anger you would always win, I'd always chose you

I would hold you as tightly and tenderly as I could when your heart was hurting so that if even just for a moment, your tired bones could rest

I built forts and planned surprises and always said I loved you no matter how much you hurt me

Maybe I was too much
Maybe you got overwhelmed being loved that deeply

But the idea of maybe losing you
And not knowing if you knew how much I loved you
Well the idea of that maybe drove me crazy
You asked where it all fell apart
And I replied
"We both loved you the most"
831 · Dec 2013
Intoxicated
My words are drunk
But you are the truth said
When courage is given
To the speechless.
Savannah Charlish ©
826 · Feb 2017
How's New York?
And just like that
She up and left
She took all she had
And everything that she was
And she disappeared

I think this place became too much for her
There were too many reminders bumping into her on the streets
Too many people who had hurt her
Too many people she had hurt

We all see the spot she used to fill
Looming around us like a tender ghost

I wonder if when she left
She stayed herself
Or if she left so she could become someone new
I like to think that if I found her
I would still know her

I hope that when she left she realized that she was already everything she needed to be
It was just us that didn't know how magnificent she was
824 · Oct 2013
Bandaid
You were like a bandaid. You protected the most vulnerable spots of me. You wrapped yourself around my body, always taking care of me. You never let any of the bad things come in and hurt me. Even when the cuts weren't that bad I still needed you to be okay. Because just you being there made it all hurt less. And I was so grateful to you.


Then one day I looked to find comfort in your presence and you were gone.
Savannah Charlish ©
820 · Feb 2017
Shh... Just Kiss Me
It is so much easier for me to let you kiss me
And give you what's temporary

Than lay down my armor
And give you my forever
Truth is I have no idea how you are
I've come up with a million versions in my head
I guess I could call you and ask
I mean I used to call you all the time

But we don't talk anymore
And what if you're doing really well?
What will I do then?
If losing me didn't wreck your world
The same way you leaving wrecked mine
Every time a man is kind to me
In a way that you failed to be
I feel the burning from beneath the scars
As they unknowingly run their hands over places that your finger prints branded themselves onto me

Every time a man goes out of his way to show even the slightest affection
I spiral into confusion of not   knowing if I should believe anything you said
Because even though you told me you loved me all the time
You never made an effort to show me you loved me
You never randomly called or wrote me letters or called me beautiful out of nowhere
You would just say I love you like a recording always ready to be played when the timing was right



Every time a man treats me the way you always told me I should be treated
Even though you failed to treat me that way
I cannot appreciate their kindness but am left with the aching question:
Why wasn't I enough for you?
809 · Jun 2014
Gypsy Soul
She was untamable
Nor did she ever belong to anybody
Her spirit was intoxicating
And flowed through too many people to ever remain in one place
She loved to explore
Moving with the sky
And swaying with the ocean

She was untamable
And all he hoped is that she'd let him tag along as she conquered the world with
Her lion heart
809 · Jul 2017
This is How I Love You
I would rather spend a lifetime simply brushing shoulders with you than making love to anyone else
I would choose your whisper into my ear over the sound of a hundred angels singing "Hallelujah"
I would rather spend forever imagining the feeling of your hands than being touched by the greatest man
I would choose hearing you say, "I love you" to another woman than have a million men calling my name
If I had to
I would pick being mere acquaintances with you over being mad lovers with someone else
To be able to spend the rest of my life looking into your eyes I would give up the ability to see all of the stars and the moon and even, the ocean
I would rather take a bullet for you and die never knowing your kiss than live in a castle with an army of 100,000 men

I cannot explain to you what it is about you that has so greatly captured my heart
All I know this:

I would rather have nothing with you
Than the greatest love story with someone else
809 · Feb 2017
Ideal Type
Many men had whispered to her
That she was the kind of woman that men sat around wishing for
That she was the dream type

But as she opened her heart to the love they promised to fill her with
They realized that she didn't need them at all
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