Here I am.
Seventeen.
And I don't understand how that could be.

You're good with people
Polite and considerate
You filter to save the awkwardness that follows honesty
You're very likable and easy to be around

I'm blunt and too straight forward
I offend a lot of people and quite often
My opinions are matter of fact and I act like I know everything when I don't mean to

It's quite the miracle that you love me
Because most people don't

Oh my darling
If only you could see
Everything I admire
When you look at me
There are stars in your eyes
And constellations make up your mind
You're lost because you want to be normal
But God gave you a different mold
And you don't understand
That, that doesn't mean
You're not beautiful
Boys have abused you
To believe a women's love might cure you
Yet you're still left feeling empty
Because what society tells you
You realize has no meaning
You cry to a God
Whose promised you love and healing
But you think he doesn't hear you
Because you believe you don't deserve that love

I listen to you talk
About all the things that hurt
And I feel myself breaking
When there is no emotion in your words

Cause don't you get it?
Can't you see?
All the love that surrounds you?
How much you mean to me?
Some of me wants to shake you
Yell at you and scream
Until you understand
The worth of your being
And yet I wish to hold you
And catch all of your tears
Help you remember
That I am always near
And to remind you
All the people who would care
If you one day decided
That you no longer belonged here

I know that it's not easy
But no one said it was
So next time you get close
To giving up your life
Remember all the angels
Who stopped you all those times
And if you think of me
Know how much I love you
So much that it hurts
And there is a God who loves
An infinite times more

In that one second of our hands letting go, I became overwhelmed with the realization that I was losing you.

It wasn't until that moment that I realized when my fingers were begging you to stay and you took your hand away from mine that I knew you no longer loved me.

And like your presence that haunts me, your fingers remain a ghost where they should be interlocked with mine.

This is a happy poem.
Because not enough poems are happy.
And I need something happy,
To feel better today.
So this,
Is a happy poem.

I know you think of me

But does it leave you breathless-
Imagining me with someone else?

Are you left crumbled up-
Sobbing on your bedroom floor?

Does it hit you out of nowhere-
And you're left wrought with regret and wonder?

I know you think of me-
But do you miss me?

Tonight
I held my pen
Like I once held you

And while I wept over the loss of you
A smile broke through my tears for all that my poetry had to gain

I can taste the sandwiches
Filled with sand
I can smell the house
That I called home for a short time
The sound of the ocean outside of the window
The touch of sheets that lulled me to sleep

And your voice echoing through all of the memories.

You were like a bandaid. You protected the most vulnerable spots of me. You wrapped yourself around my body, always taking care of me. You never let any of the bad things come in and hurt me. Even when the cuts weren't that bad I still needed you to be okay. Because just you being there made it all hurt less. And I was so grateful to you.


Then one day I looked to find comfort in your presence and you were gone.

You remind me of the rain
Poetic. Beautiful.
Silent yet deafening.
Something I have always been fond of yet feel engulfed by loneliness when I am in its company.

You remind me of the rain.
Beautiful and tragic.
I can't comprehend how you are both but you are.

Both beautiful,
and tragic.

There are so many words tucked inside my heart
I am not sure how to get them all out
Some of them are terrifyingly true
Some are beautiful thoughts about you

They're the words that stampede my head
When you turn and look at me
And my lips quiver begging for your kiss

They're the things my hands cry
When your body is wonderfully close to mine

There are thoughts of love pouring out with my tears
When your company overwhelms me
Because I do not understand how it found me

My spine screams when your fingers are pressed gently against it
My body finds rest at your touch
Desperate that it will never stop

Even in my silence I am always saying something. My body never ceases to stop whispering how there are no words that could encompass the beauty that you are.

You deserve better.

*Yes, possibly.
                   But better is quite terrifying to me.

Any day could be awful
Every moment unbearable
But it never mattered because then I remembered you were mine
And everything got better again.


I miss that.

I'm not sure exactly when it started
I just can't remember the last time I wasn't tired

It’s taken me a year to get over you
God, I’ve wasted too much time on you
There are so many things I wish I could say to your face
Like how you drive me crazy
You’re selfish and immature
Hypocritical and scared
Couldn’t even face me
When you walked away
Thought I would be okay
Had no reason to say it to my face
But oh well
Cause you’re pathetic and lame
No girl should ever love you
A liar and a cheater
Just playing the game
And I’ve found someone new
Someone you can’t ever be compared to
He’s wonderful and great
And sometimes I wonder
When I’m holding his hand
That I forget it’s him
And picture you instead
Look all you’ve done to me
And I still fall at your feet
I just don’t understand
If I’m better off
Then why is it me chasing after you?