I watched the leaves fly
With a tinge of grey powder
Ashes blown away.

Coldplay on my playlist
I hear The Scientist,
And now I want to
Go back to the start.

Physics
Velocity, acceleration and time
The speed, the distance
Travelled by a body,
Inanimate and lifeless.
A body that has to be controlled
A body that has to be in control.

Chemistry
Reactions, balancing and valency
Reaction between chemicals
Again in need
Of external control
In need to be in control.

Biology
Internal systems, senses and movement
The only subject
About life
The only subject
About being alive.

Yet, she feels
She is the physics
And the chemistry
She's lost self control,
She's no more herself,
Without the biology.

Although she's
Living,
She's still dead.
Although she's
Breathing,
She's still breathless.
Although she's
Walking,
She's still falling.

And although
She speaks through her mouth,
Thinks from her brain,
And bleeds from her vessels,
It isn't her behind
The words.
It isn't her behind
The thoughts.
It isn't her behind
The liquid.

If not herself,
Who is it?
If not her own mind,
Whose is it?

Have you heard of demons?
Not the ones
With horns and a tail.
Not the ones
With red skin.
Not the ones
Told in stories.

But the monsters
She feared as a child,
The monsters who lived
Under her bed.

The real monsters,
They dwell in her,
Feeding off her happiness
And drinking up
Her memories.

Scarring memories
Are the only ones they spare,
Leaving unhealed wounds
And taking sadistic pleasure.

She is controlled
By them,
She lost herself
She was forced to surrender,
She was forced to forget.

She had no choice
But to fall
And to stop living
For herself.

She is controlled
But not in control.
She is surviving
But not on her own.
She is alive
But in the grave,
Buried with flowers
And dirt to cover up.

How can everyone
Be so oblivious
To the dead girl
Amongst the living?