It’s a simple kind of funny
How weeks spent figuring out
Titles and expectations
And ****** relations
Drag on and on.
Two people figure out what they want
And if they want what they want.
The frustrations and aggravations
Lead to that catharsis, what this is.
No more wondering and no more doubts.

But

In a brief moment of insanity
One person can decide for both
That this “isn’t working.”
One can force the other out of this
Mutual agreement.
So how mutual is it?
We love each other as long as I decide to love you.
Until your flaws scratch their nails against my skin
And I wonder who else could make me smile.

Unless

You beat me to it.

I’m going to warn you
That all I need is a promise
That I will never turn around
And wonder where you went.
You are going to promise me
That you don't plan on
Going anywhere
Anytime soon.
I am going to trust you
I am going to let you
Inside the part of me
Usually reserved.
I will show you all of the
Broken pieces left by others
And you will promise that
You can fix them over time.
I will let you show me your side of Boston
And we are going to go to brunches and museums and piers
And I will wake up in your arms, watching your smile
And I will laugh at you as you laugh at me laughing
And I will finally see how I can be, how guys can be
And I will fall deeply and crazily in love with you.
I’m going to warn you
That all I need is a promise
That I will never turn around
And wonder where you went.
You are going to promise me
That you don’t plan on
Going anywhere.
One
Day
Chaos
Ensues
And you will need to leave.
You will shut yourself away
Because you will feel the weight
Of the world fighting against you
And who you want to be for me.
And I will miss you greatly.
You will hide from the world
And from the love I want to give you.
I will finally see all of your
Broken pieces left by others
That you hid so well.
I’m going to warn you
That I can make you a promise
That you will never turn around
And wonder where I went.
I am going to promise you
That I don't plan on
Going anywhere.

There is something horrifically poetic
about lying beside him after the war.
Silent, the thick air surrounds us in a suffocating haze.
Not touching, I feel him breathing.
I feel him thinking.
We don't dare speak, as nothing more can be said.
Still in love, we must begin again
Together in separate rooms.
I hear him pacing there.
He comes back and settles behind me
And I feel him breathing on my neck.
A force that sustains him, like I never will.

You can hear the heartbeat of a creature we have created.
The smell of ***** and spilled beer covers these floorboards.
The music drives the thumping in my chest, as I wait.
Leaning against a wall, as if this doesn’t thrill you
Brushing past, you place your hand on my back as you glide by
Passing clusters of girls who would love to know your name
If only for a night.
She locks eyes with you, and you both agree silently.
She flashes a smile and laughs, even though you won’t remember
Her clothing, her freshly curled hair, her eyeliner she spent hours on
All only forgettable fragments.
She presses against you, moving to the pulsing walls
She runs her fingers through her hair, as she grinds against you
Pulling you deeper.
You look around the room, taking in the nature of this monster.
Grabbing her hand, you pull her into another room.
I do not know where you went: to get a drink, to talk to friends, to **** her
But I saw in your eyes that you saw, if only for an instant
How scary this has become.
Wherever you went that night,
I hope you at least gave her your coat
And asked for her name.

Nights like this remind me
That a void is inevitable.
Not only do we enter and leave alone,

We live alone.

Otherwise, our hedgehog spikes
Drive us further and further away
As we try desperately to connect
To the same people who puncture us
Who we also wound.

We love to love
And we hate to hurt
But we hurt those in love anyway.

A cruel world is this
Where we are always trying
To cling to somebody real,
Someone who doesn’t know that you see
A bit of yourself in them.

Is it worth burrowing close
When your spikes could come out at any time?
Perhaps, it is better to stay in the cold air
Safe from the inevitable *****.

I choose to not decide.
Either way, there is longing.
So I might as well take a step back
And see what hedgehog dares to borrow
right next
to me.

I feel each muscle shift individually.
Each breath, inhaling directly through me.
The lost boy I see when I look in his eyes--
Revealed underneath his charming disguise.
I want to feel him everywhere
And share as much as I can bear.
I listen for every sigh, each moan.
His eyes reveal that I am home.
......
Using him strictly for my body
He might as well be anybody.
He's handsome, yes, a piece of art
But I will never know his heart.
His chest is hard and cold as steal
Like machinery grinding, unwilling to feel.
What's done is done, I've met my aim.
I leave as empty as I came.

Tell me you remember
Who I was that night
When you had your arm around me
And you laughed and held me tight.

Tell me you remember
Telling me about your dreams
About who you are, where you’ve been,
And who you want to be.

Tell me you remember
How you never left my side
Even though I was too shy to act
And I wounded your pride.

Tell me you remember
How you only wanted me
For one night, for one moment,
A dancing memory.

Tell me you remember
Though it’s brighter in the day
Even though you look right past me
And take thirty steps away.