I choose strength
I choose love
I look forward
Not above

open heart
open mind
rising strong
seek what we find

each day i swallow
the white pills that remind me
where i've been

it's been hard to get myself to do anything but stare into the emptiness

my body is made of concrete
and my mind of cotton

my heart has been broken open once again
only by the will of my own differences

slice me down into my bitter sleep
where I meet demons through my eyelids

ive been cursing the wire mesh
blaming the cuts and time for my own confusion

no one wants to admit
we'd all rather lay in the sand

im a beach ball that deflated
and was left on the side of the road

It's different when
It's always

It's different when
You don't know why

It's different when
You can't eat

It's different when
You can't move

It's different when
You can't sleep

It's different when
You can't wake up

It's different when
It swallows you

It's different when
You're broken

It's different when
You no longer exist

If only I could keep it locked outside of me
If only it could cease to exist
If only I didn't have to scratch that
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
itch

If only I could swallow it
Dissolve it in my stomach
If only I could
KNOW for sure if I would or wouldn't

It is like an earwig
Creeping through my brain
I know my actions fuel it
But, oh, it drives me insane

If only I had control
If only I could see
That control is the only thing
That gives it power over me