Sarah Elaine

Sarah Elaine Jan 2019

1

open heart
open mind
rising strong
seek what we find

Sarah Elaine Dec 2018

sweet dreams

each day i swallow
the white pills that remind me
where i've been

Sarah Elaine Dec 2018

these days

it's been hard to get myself to do anything but stare into the emptiness

my body is made of concrete
and my mind of cotton

my heart has been broken open once again
only by the will of my own differences

slice me down into my bitter sleep
where I meet demons through my eyelids

ive been cursing the wire mesh
blaming the cuts and time for my own confusion

no one wants to admit
we'd all rather lay in the sand

im a beach ball that deflated
and was left on the side of the road

Sarah Elaine Dec 2018

e x a g g e r a t i n g

It's different when
It's always

It's different when
You don't know why

It's different when
You can't eat

It's different when
You can't move

It's different when
You can't sleep

It's different when
You can't wake up

It's different when
It swallows you

It's different when
You're broken

It's different when
You no longer exist

Sarah Elaine Dec 2018

disguise

Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words will ******* **** me

Sideways glances, second chances
This just isn't working

I can't be me, I can't believe
The chickens didn't die

You left them thirsty in the heat
We live where it is dry

Cut me open, slice my organs
Wishing for a favor

Desperate yearnings form in me
Tell me: now, or later?

Sarah Elaine Dec 2018

thinking

If only I could keep it locked outside of me
If only it could cease to exist
If only I didn't have to scratch that
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
itch

If only I could swallow it
Dissolve it in my stomach
If only I could
KNOW for sure if I would or wouldn't

It is like an earwig
Creeping through my brain
I know my actions fuel it
But, oh, it drives me insane

If only I had control
If only I could see
That control is the only thing
That gives it power over me

#ocd #pure #o #obsessive #compulsive #disorder

Sarah Elaine Oct 2018

this morning

My heart aches when I see that dog behind the gate
Fear and anxiety wash over me like sticks
I grapple with the pain of my own feeble existence
              (all over a dog that scares me)

Calling my boss to retell of my failures
Fear and shame within my fingertips
Each day a fallen leaf I don't want to exist
              (if i left i could just let go of this)

Pain and might and growth and dying
My days are filled with half truths
Keep me at arms length lest I **** your faith
               (the confidence i once felt leaves me)