i guess i make it too obvious
i don't want to talk about things
because since i turned sixteen
you haven't asked me how i feel
or how my day was
but i guess that's okay
because i was always the one drowning
and you were always the one
yelling at me to "just swim"

for the girls
that will never know the difference
between affection and aggression
for the kids forced to bring
broken arms and black eyes
to show and tell
each bruise a reminder
never to make him mad again
he told you he was nothing
like your father
so you let him leave you bruises
to know what it felt like when he was gone,
tell me what it feels like when he's gone.
they will tell you
boys will be boys,
but that is no excuse
for telling you
that you asked for it
i love you,
i beat you,
I'm sorry,
there is no excuse,
don't ever accept that
boys will be boys.
darling,
aggression and affection
are not synonyms
they exist in opposite universes
and i will scream
until my voice in nonexistent
for my eight year old cousin to understand
when he hits you on the playground
it does not mean he likes you
never make the mistake of
thinking he loves you when he leaves you scars
when you see the flames
burning in his eyes
and fear starts in yours
don't you ever
confuse it with love
women will continue
to believe they asked for it
will continue to believe
they wanted it
until we convince them
your clothes do not say
**** me
your alcohol content does not say
**** me
only you have to power to say yes or no
only you have the power to tell yourself
the only cause of **** is rapists

i was told i could be anything,
so i chose to be a feminist
because
when i suggested my father help with the laundry,
my mother told me i was crazy.
because
meghan tranior's "all about that bass"
is telling bigger girls to be comfortable in their own skin
because skinny girls already do, right?
because
i'd like to make as much as my male coworkers.
because
i was laughed at for wanting to be a doctor instead of a housewife.
because
people look at me strange when i say i don't want kids.
because
when i gave a speech about feminism in my english class,
i was called a man-hater.
because
"my shoulders distract the boy's education".
because
my mom shouldn't have to worry
about what goes in my drink at concerts.

i will be a feminist until
i can tell my boyfriend
"no babe, i'd rather watch the movie"
and i am not told
"you're depriving him of his needs".
until
my body is my body.
until
i no longer have to carry pepper spray on a keychain.
until
women in foreign countries can vote and drive.
until
woman means human.
until
we understand **** culture
and feminism isn't just about women,
it's about humans.

The coffee on my lips
makes me think
of you
and that time we sat
for hours
as if time was endless
and the world had stopped
for you and I

he likes neck kisses and being called "sweetheart."
he drinks milk when he eats peanut butter,
offer to pour it for him.
he loves pugs and his dog, ******.
if you're not best friends with ****** by the first month,
you're doing something wrong.
when he tells you you're beautiful,
it is easier to just agree.
when he takes you home,
allow plenty of time to say goodnight (he takes forever).
he hates crunchy peanut butter.  
he'll give you his jackets and hug you until you stop crying.
if you watch lord of the rings with him, bring kleenex.
know and understand star wars references or you're *******.
he is an incredible writer.
he'll buy you lots of things for christmas,
do not try to compensate.

if he isn't the best boyfriend you've ever had,
you're not giving him enough credit.
love him, he deserves it.

and i kinda hope you never exist,
because i'm not done loving him yet
and i don't think i ever will be.

i'm sorry for the days when
you will feel as if
you are dating me and my therapist
because i know
you never asked for this