Apparitions of days past
weathered on a face
that no longer holds history
like it used to.
Or like it ever will again.

A blank face
full of emotions
she dares never utter
with wordless explanations.

Haunting hollow memories
of a past chosen for her
and thoughts fathomed into
actions.

I never thought I would be here
I never thought I would be here
Ringing in her ear
Ringing in her ear

YOUR SILENCE
FILLS IN THE
BREAKS BETWEEN
THE LIES THAT
COIL AT MY FEET.

HOW CAN I LIVE WITH MYSELF
HOW CAN I BE ALONE AGAIN
WITHOUT NEEDING
YOUR HANDS,
FIXED UPON MY NECK,
REASSURING ME OF WHAT
I CANNOT PUT TO SLEEP.

THEY SAY THINGS THAT MAKE HER LAUGH;
THEY MAKE HER FEEL THINGS.
THEY TELL HER THINGS THAT ARE MAKE-BELIEVE
AND SHE’S ALWAYS WANTED TO BELIEVE THINGS.
THEY SNICKER
AND NIBBLE
AND CHIME;
THEY CHARM AND SHE FOLLOWS, HYPNOTIZED.
THEY ALWAYS TALK UP AND DOWN,
THEY TALK LEFT AND RIGHT,
UNTIL THERE IS NOT RIGHT AND WRONG,
UNTIL SHE CAN NO LONGER WRITE HER WRONG.
IT’S ALL FORGOTTEN IN THE BEAUTIFULLY ARRANGED LETTERS.
THEY NEVER LET HER CATCH HER BREATH,
THERE WAS NEVER TIME TO CONSIDER THE GAPS.
SO THEY MARCH ON, THE FOUR
AND THEY NEVER LOOKED BACK.
SHE MAY HAVE NEVER FELT SO CAUGHT BETWEEN,
OR AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT THEY SAY.

Some days are just incredibly dark.
You wake up and nothing is right
Inside.
And it takes all day to get back.
It takes the entire day
Searching for the truth,
Weeding out the half-truths,
Silencing the voices,
And forgetting his touch.
It takes all day to consistently and Consciously
Reach up and accept His help
Because you know it was your fault too
And he’ll never apologize.
He’ll never apologize
He will never apologize.

MEMORIES DON’T DELETE.
AND WORDS THAT YOU CAN’T BACKSPACE
RING AND RING AND RING.
THERE’S NO LOGOUT FOR RELATIONSHIPS.
THERE’S NO SPELLCHECK FOR MISTAKES.
AND NO OFF SWITCH FOR
MUSCLE MEMORY TO REPLAY
OVER AND OVER AND OVER.
THERE’S NO RECYCLING BIN
FOR THE AWFUL THINGS SAID.
THERE’S NO VOLUME CONTROL
FOR THE WORDS TO SCREAM AT YOU.

you might as well have had
ink filled fingers.
the black prints
still burnt onto my skin.
no matter how many times
I try to scrub myself clean
of you.

glaring at a screen
with tears that won't fall.
it's gone,
bold adjectives
and lying affection.

Knowing—is not mine.
Your bead eyes, cast upon me,
supercilious

Every night battle—
When ‘love’ remains trampled.
Where to go from here?

Some days are just incredibly dark.
You wake up and nothing is right
Inside.
And it takes all day to get back.
It takes the entire day
Searching for the truth,
Weeding out the half-truths,
Silencing the voices,
And forgetting his touch.
It takes all day to consistently and
Consciously
Reach up and accept His help
Because you know it was your fault too
And he’ll never apologize.
He’ll never apologize
He will never apologize.

screaming into a void
like talking to your silence.
swearing that this song
is not about you anymore.
anything to make you smile
you are the ever living ghost
of what once was.

Dislike not what you know not of
or what you doubt to be true.
Follow everything out
to the point of taxing thoroughness.
Leave no stone un-turned
and  no leaf left unruffled.
Live with exhausting deliberation
the life set out for you.
Simplify and better thyself.
Teach others by living as an example.

That gaping feeling
When you say everything
And they say nothing in return.
There is just this ginormous
Empty space of silence that screams
Everything you don’t want to hear.

With each step, as you near,
You may find an unbreachable outskirt.
It floats and carries on for miles upon miles.
Were a man immortal
He would find no end still.
It rises to the clouds,
It extends into the earth.
It may be found to hold a key,
One of which is not known to me.
A concealed weapon against this passive aggressive beast.
As haunting to both sides,
It ruins left and right.
Leaving mess in wake,
It will continue and savage on

Just walk away
Just leave it be,
Many have not,
And seemingly will not,
Find the door;
They won't walk through.

there it is.
that feeling
that makes your insides creak
and begins to create a reek
that permeates through each crevasse
between each tiny crack

that feeling
leaves claw marks on walls
and tightens with
each
in & out
in & out

that feeling
sends tremors down to your tips
and curls you into yourself
so that you don't drop a piece

because that feeling
has taken a hold and    
it won't let go
till it takes its toll.

that feeling
the only thing
that seems to never let go.

to feel the sunrise of a day
and the warmth in its rays
to feel the smother of lips
and the strength of an embrace
to feel a heart beat just within mine
and know its there to stay
to feel safety in exposing a life line
and trust that it won't be in vein
to feel a sigh in a steady gaze
and the promise to love no matter the pain
to feel the joy in a memory
and hear the laughter in comfort
to feel anything at all
and not stop the terrifying splendor

three concepts flirt along the lines of love
swaying and straying
drunkenly playing.
hearts are intertwined
inevitable destruction ensues.
and still the pendulum dangerously swings.
cool girl
rule girl
instant gratification girl
whose morals swirl.

Let me take you away.
A whisper in the wind,
A quiet self owned melody
Sung only for me.
Just with the word my mouth would twitch
Excitement in my throat.
A laugh at the silly thought.
Child foolishness.
Two seconds long.
Growing,
Flowing throughout my whole being.
My soul being swept away
From the mere feeling that you’re here.
A flicker of hope.
A maybe thing.
An encouraged dream.
And I close my eyes.
Oh, the beautiful escape;
AWAY.
An offer left up to me
With you waiting just to see.
Wanting so much to set me free.
Without meeting your eyes
Without realizing your disguise
To see if there is truth behind these simple words.
A pinch of anger, despair.
Why should you care?
Why now?
Why not?
Why wait.
To think I almost gave in before.
My eyes shoot open.
Then shift down to the floor.
Emotion makes its mark in my eye.
And I wipe till they're dry,
But they won't stop their free fall.
You reach out.
Lift my face to your eyes.
Oh, those sweet eyes,
Clear as day,
I can see your pain.
Like lightning through your hand
To mugged heart,
I surge with empathy.
And I gather all my strength just to look away
With words of wisdom replayed.
Pain takes its final toll in my barren chest.
I lift my cold hand to yours
With strength no more.
Trembling hand and all
You crush me in embrace.
My heart melts in your arms.
With no more fight left inside
I try not to unfold.
Slipping never felt so easy.
Black stains appear on your white shirt,
My mask is uncovered.
All washed.
Every place I would run and hide is stripped from me.
Till I'm left with nothing but me.
And I am finally
Completely free.

Love puts the music in laughter,
the beauty in song,
the warmth in a shoulder,
the gentle in strong.

Love puts the magic in memories,
the sunshine in skies,
the gladness in giving,
the starlight in eyes.

Love puts the fun in together,
the sadness in apart,
the hope in tomorrow,
and the joy in the heart.

As she stepped outside
A drop fell,
A refreshing chill on her face.
The cool mist subdued
The summer warmth.
She held his hand as they
Neared the car,
But as the rain started down
She let go,
Giggled, and shook her sandals off.
She let her hair down
And spread her arms
Twirling in the shower,
Carefree.
She jumped from
Puddle to puddle
Never missing one step.
Splashing her inner
Child to freedom.
Thunder and a bolt of light.
He caught her arm
Just before she fell,
Held her close,
And they danced;
Moving to the
Symphony of a summer storm.

A broken family,
they never knew.
A heartless apology
they all saw through.
So he shrugs,
the miniature man,
and sighs, 'say goodbye.'
But this blind fellow
he can't really see past lies.
And the apology teller,
his mother cries into the night;
'Make Your hand known here.
Please take my baby,
and bring him back home to You.'
And this uncommon tale,
a tale with no end so far,
it likes to replay itself
in many a marriage.
A problem the miniature man
likes to solve
with the band-aid,
'irreconcilable issues.'
So the conclusion they came to,
the 'answer' to this
didn't solve anything.
All they ended with
was a broken family,
they never knew.

I wonder if, when a scar is made
In adolescence,
It festers deeper.
With growth it develops disfigured,
And the process of renewal
Is twisted and everlasting and extra-messy.
And when it's explained,
It's explained away.
But it's a something to you,
And it's why you grew the way you grew.
*And that scar is the reason why,
Even in its determined mediocrity.

Following the stains,
Her only trace.
This winding road she was on,
She was walking it alone.
No end in sight,
She's losing the passion,
Her willingness to fight.
And yet he's following
The trail of tears,
Her heart drawn fears.
And the concrete is crimson,
It's framed for the crimes you've committed.
She's a wounded soldier.
She's limping and
Her stone heart grows colder.
Waves of memories wash over.
And still he follows.
Even though he knows it all,
Yearning to show he cares.
He loves her.
She's too afraid.
Too vulnerable.
She's a fugitive in this wasteland
Of broken dreams
And ripped seams.
She's haunted.
She's targeted.
And running from things,
So many things.
She's running from him,
And still he follows.

Honorable mention
Doesn’t come to mind
When you seemingly wander in
And get lost in the maze;
In the mess of a tangled center.
Like an inevitable motion,
back & forth
back & forth
Of a pendulum’s swing.
I’m re-engaged and return to you,
Drawn in by your gravitational pull.
Enamored by your honest, listening eyes.
Followed close behind by
The corners of your cheeks -
Mirroring the crescent moon high.
Melting the want to fight this,
Evaporating the urgency to
get up & run
get up & run.