It’s spring break and I cant scroll through instagram
without seeing pictures of people on vacation.
its all the same for the most part, sunny and warm
beaches all around the world.
the most popular place, however, is Florida.
I’ve always wanted to go to Florida
but not always for disney or the sunshine.

Have you ever tried explaining the term half-sister
to an elementary school kid?
my parents did, and failed. I never once called you
my half-sister, because all that mattered was the sister part.
and it still does today.

I can't remember how old I was when
you moved to Florida for the first time.
but I do remember wishing I could go with you,
how I always asked dad when you were coming back,
and how he never answered me.
eventually I stopped asking, but I used to save my coins hoping I could go see you one day.

when I was 13, you came back.
you told me how I’ve grown and how much you
missed me.
I told you how I loved your short hair and how much
I missed you too.
you didn’t stay for long, and I don’t blame you
our family was never good at making you
feel welcome.

that was 7 years ago, but it feels like another
lifetime. almost like, somebody else’s story.
after I saw you leave again, I didn’t bother
to ask when you’d be coming back
because the way you said goodbye gave me my answer.
but I never once stopped thinking about you,
even after everyone else did.

I’m 20 now and, I’m not sure I want to go to
Florida anymore.
the thought of me running into you while
posing for a spring break picture scares me,
more than I care to admit.
I don’t want to see you because i know
you wouldn’t be proud of who I am today.
mistakes have turned into bad habits
and I’m still trying to unlearn them.

so for now, and maybe forever, I’ll stay
away from Florida.
I’ll let you exist in your own world,
but you’ll always be a part of mine.
I hope the last time you saw me,
still lives on in your memory.
I’m not the same girl I was 7 years ago,
but sometimes I miss that girl too.
maybe one day, the both of us
can meet the person I am trying to become.