I almost don’t want to voice my opinion
because I like staying in the back of the mix
but it’s hard to do.
Straight from the mind, the mouth,
of a transgendered person,
this is honesty.
I know that there are a lot of people going on about the bathroom laws right now.
It’s ridiculous we even have to get to laws for bathrooms.
They’re for
elimination,
but it generally doesn’t stay at that.
Gossip, vomiting, crying, ****, ******, etc. Things you’ll most likely, in this century, find in the walls of bathrooms.
People are posting the meme, about the ******. Trying to mix it in with these laws.
A ******,
who is a man,
and someone who is transgender, don’t fall into the same category, and even if it’s made to better the judgement of hate and redirect the criticism of keeping transgender people in a specific bathroom,
don’t compare.
Because he is a male, he is a ******.
We are not the same.
Now, recently, people are posting about the mass shooting and connecting the two.
Saying how the last thing they want to hear about is how dangerous a transgender person is in bathroom now.
And they’re correct, because it’s always the last thing on my mind. I hate myself, so you don’t have to.
I have enough hate in me for myself so everyone can leave me be, knowing its strong enough.
I don’t want to be me, I don’t want to be like I am and I live with that everyday. I haven’t been able to make peace with myself and love myself, yet.
But I hope I can eventually.
I just wanted to put this out there, so people can see this side of things. From someone who is transgender.
The last thing on my mind in the bathroom is: you.
I do not want contact with anyone in there.
I fear you. I am scared to be there.
I feel threatened. I feel in danger, not you.
You should be ashamed to feel such resentment towards someone you don’t even know, because I am in the one in danger, not you.
I feel ashamed I am afraid of you and that is embarrassing to say,
but I am.
So don’t dare make it about your safety, because you are the last thing on my mind,
I promise you that.
Being misgendered, being *****, being beaten, being murdered, slandered, assaulted, accused, uncertain, hated, dehumanised, alone.
Fear.
These are what I am thinking about when all I have to do is ***, but all I wanted to have to do was get groceries.
Or get McDonald’s, get cat food, my car fixed, an outfit, take my husband lunch, take my daughter to the park, etc.
I have a family I love, very much.
So yeah, you are the last thing on my mind when I just have to use the bathroom, and don’t even want to need to use one in public because I am so afraid for my safety and wondering if this time, is going to be the last time I walk in one and don’t get to go home to my family because of who I am.
I am sure people have reasons to fear what they won’t know or understand,
but understand this.
I know you have your own fears and your own needs and expectations, but so do I.
Don’t fear me, in the bathroom, because my fear is actually greater than yours,
I promise you that.
And honestly, that is the last on my mind, anyway.
**I just have to ***.

Life is tough,
But skin is stronger.
Spilled coffee staining unfinished works.
Forgotten friends, this town *****.
Lost time, keep me grounded.
Marked skin,
Late nights, four a.m. knows my soul.
Let's not even pretend we're in love.
I left my heart back in Chicago, but home isn't anywhere
yet.
you all
make me
sick
here. My stomach aches almost as much as my heart.
But not as bad.
Make it to med school & get out alive
they all fear zombies now.
but instead we need to fear growing up and growing out.
the truth.
Get lost, get hurt.
I'm stripped bare, nothing.
Next to it, anyway.
My life, they all tell me I am a sin.
Can't change how I am.
it's alright, everyone. I hate me, too.
Almost as much as all these lies
they keep pouring from your mouths, from one of you to the
Next.
Like needles in my skin,
you are strong, all of you,
but I am stronger though, alive, barely.
Now though, I'm getting better.
I listen to my music loud, as loud as the dials will allow me to take it.
boundries.
But only to keep the silence
In my mind, the words to stop forming sentences, those to stop trying to perfect what can't be done.
My hands are starting to hurt, to keep
pulling myself down back to Earth.
My mind, full of medical knowledge,
Can help anyone, but,
myself.
These highs, they are dull and don't last long enough, these pills,
they cost too much, can't make it out.
But they keep me here,
safe. And I know that I'm fine, will be stronger.
Not enough to be here, for the rest of my life, pathetic.
but enough not to, fade. You all see me,
Understand why in the dark of the night.
That you spill love to me as you feel these deep lines on my body, these troubles.
My past.
Forever haunts me, holds me,
Captive. My future, as gone as it ever was.
Will be.