The walls of faded wallpaper
The bacon grease sizzling on a pan
Her smile, the newspaper
Timeless and memorable.
Morning air misty and clear

The afternoon filled with puzzles
Walks by the river bank
She laughs with a poetry book
Pointing to you silly love poetries
That you dont tell her you are living it

Darkness brings a firewood calmness
The Same kind that she is made of
The twinkling fire sparks live in her eyes
The honey stirred rose tea
Her skin thin under the veil

No one ever shows you how fleeting it is
they warn you
they will shout those words into your ears until they bleed
but you wont listen until you see it for yourself
The next chapter comes even if you dont turn the page

Excited to read on.

I think sometimes love will hurt
not in the sense of a heartbreak
more so in the worrying
the longing
the moments in between the highs and lows

And sometimes you make it worth it
sometimes you don't.
In the dusk underneath the fading light
I find your face in my palms
hurting willingly, loving deeply, in a bliss made specially for me.

Your lips a plump red
The field of poppies like your personality
The sun beams on our faces
As we grin understandably
I wonder when i will be this happy ever again

Under the strum up lights
The gazebo is our little sanctuary
Little Italy has never felt so romantic
Your soft hands on my long hair
I wonder when ill see a beauty this stunning again

The morning that came was peaceful
The smell of fresh lavender
Morning lights hit the window in technicolor
Your eyes are a dark swirl rich French chocolate
I indulge myself in all your sweetest

I wonder if you think of this too
When you see me

some mornings feel like a dream
my foot light, the sun singing
the clouds calling my name

then some mornings
the blanket calls me a *******
and grabs me on

these mornings come more often now
the the sun stopped singing for a long time
it gave up on me

if I feel like nothing, contribute nothing, look like nothing
how can I believe anything else.

we are all shouting
into the abyss
hoping someone would shout back
and we do find them

and when we do
we hold on tight.

it began with a burning sensation
all consuming
until I succumb to your ivory fingers

I die in a lustful flame
never to see you naked
in your truest form

Do not worry
about money- or how old youre turning
while your body still can
GO! Travel!
Sleep on ****** motel floors if you must
walk to the bus stop if you have to
Rent a tired old rusty motorcycle
Hilk that path
DO IT!
The world is yours
don't be stuck on a single page- dont be stuck in a room
GO!
SEE what the vast universe have for you!
And when you sleep-
I hope you dream of more things than what you're used to.

i still miss the way you hum when you brush your hair
the little furrowed brow you do when washing the dishes

you should've seen your mother's face
so empty that it would break your heart too.

i shouldve known something was wrong
when you said goodbye instead of goodnight.

xbox: last signed in, 6 years ago.

Put down those burden my dear
Share with me your sour fruits
I know you’ve reached saturation
With all hopeful thoughts
That darkness seeps in you like black ink

But put down that knife my dear
I can see the light you still yet cannot
The warm biscuits and rose red tea
That sits on your peaceful porch
Where you will smile upon the little laughters

I hope you are well my dear
But its alright if you’re not
Your strength will become you
Your darkness grows only empathy
And you will be more beautiful from it

I hope you bloom one day
With patience and kindness to yourself
A gentle soul you are
And a raging force you will be
Sincerely, your guardian angel.

You are driving me CRAZY
the way your eyes no longer linger on me
not even for a second
I feel so pathetic
like a ******* child
trying to get the attention of a disinterested cat

Is it me? is it my body?
why do you not want me anymore?
I cannot shout these questions to anyone except you

do you see it now? youre driving me crazy
i cut open my skin and upfold them
disappearing into a smiley face
my bones crumbling under the architecture of your neglect
Please, just tell it as it is. you are driving me ******* crazy.

He says I love you a lot
I believe them sometimes
I laugh them off sometimes

But I know he really does love me.
Because at night when he is fast asleep
he still searches for my body with his hand
Because at the dinner table
he watches me eat and gets giddy when I make a mess
Because when I reach for his hand
he already met me half way
Because when I feel sick
a hot bath is being drawn in the other room

So it is not that I doubt him
But I will laugh sometimes
our apartment filled with tiny grand gestures of love.

people forget
it is a privilege to grow old

you make me never forget that.
Thank you
my love.

they were vitamin gummies before
my mother would be so proud
it turned into something ugly
and I even used to laugh
but now I stare blankly at a wall
feeling nothing and everything all at once
luckily tho
I can't think straight.
Luckily.
Who knows what ill think if im sober?

The feelings of new sheets
and freshly shaven legs
The smell of the ocean
in a toasty summer air
The grin of someone you passed by
a shared joy among strangers
Find those little things
that make you happy
until it becomes a habit

4:00am, I cried harder than I ever have
your happiness says she misses you
and I watched mine slip away.
I let my sadness spill onto a piece of paper
my blood took on the shape of words
5:30am, I let the ocean waves wash over me
wash over every place you touched
Its alright,
if she is your happiness.
My love is just enough
to let my happiness run freely to his own.

my eyes welled up
the seas that you had a tame
to learn how to love me
me, a thunderstorm without the beauty
But when i closed my eyes
i saw the unvierse in our fingers
i saw without my eyes, but only a glimspe.
The rising sun of a new day fell on you,
i saw my happiness in the architecture of your soul.

I hope you have fun
dancing alone in a bright blue light
I hope youre happy
with such little pretense

but pretense is pretense
no matter the quantity

It wasn't personal
That's who i am
a holly golightly
terrified- of cages, of commitment, of things that held up a mirror
things that reminded me how ugly i can be
Holly Golightly had her tiffanys
me? I had my 3:00am coffee and the 7 o clock train-
steams, rails, and I'm gone.

I could let it hurt me
And i did
Lost in your innocent blue eyes

I could drown in your stories
Of raging seas
How you yearn for something that wasn’t me

I knew you’d leave
No harbor was your home
But hope is a poor sinner’s burden.

I have been sleepwalking
since i was fourteen
finding my soul float away
in my body that walked the earth
in a dust of doubt

i wake up in a mist of red sunet
i am free

it HURTS
when his eyes no longer watch my body
he barely lifted his head
only to mumble a few words
and back to whatever he was doing it

it HURTS
when I realize he is familiar with me
it no longer interest him
you can only love a game so much
until you grow bored of it, right?

it HURTS
when his eyes are fixated onto the TV
even when i present my most vulnerable form

it HURTS
when he lies to me
and says I still make him feel things.

I am not blind.

I am upset,
there is nothing more poetic than that right?
didn't all great poets write about great sadness?

is this is my muse--why am i in pieces?
i am full of questions with no one to answer them.
i've been telling myself time heals all

but its been so ******* long already.
When will time heal me?
because I am running out of time.

I wish you knew the way I love you
then maybe you'd wear sunscreen a bit more
then maybe you'd drive slower just a bit
and eat more vegetables once in a while.
I wish you knew the way I hate myself
then maybe you'd think twice before glancing away
then maybe you'd try not to raise your voice
and be here with me always and forever

The 4:00am air smells clear
Fresh like your kisses
It makes me think of home
When Nova Amor comes on
And we watch cars fly by us
The dawn will break soon
And you will need to sneak home
But right now
I live in a dream.

I love you so much
my dear
it feels like my heart beats outside my body

and its so scary to be vulnerable
but you have always belonged to me
you just needed to find your way home.

You make the dawn break
My love
You feel like the family beach house
Warm summer breezes at 4:00am
I hope you find the same peace in my dear
I miss you

I didn't know poets can be so cynical
when he gazes upon the rose
he sees only the beauty that benefits him
but the thorns
remain a tragic muse

I didn't know poets can be so depressing
that a beauty of the sunset he chases
only to leave angry in the dark
because even the sunset could not inspire
a single gold worthy word in his blank pages

He doesnt know if he is a poet
or if he lies to make stories
until he can lie with such grace
nothing of his is him
he is a nothing, making himself to be something.

its  wonderful how
i let you sew yourself onto me
only to pull away my flesh when you want to run.

you have so many fun options
but i only have you
how unhealthy, isn't it?

so when you slice me open again
i run to my poor poetry site
to spill out words i don't even consider poetic anymore

words that my poor readers have to take in
when they should have engulfed you.

There is something strange '
about the architecture of his soul
how he maneuvers through my life
exploring my weakness
and I let him.
I am shot down
Surrender with my hands up
In love
like a fly attracted to the light of his eyes.

There is something cosmically profound
To be connected to someone across somewhere
With an invisible thread
And a string of words
The reader and the writer, both behind screens.

there were days
Where days ended with the sun
And yet now
Time exist only not as a limit
But merely informational.

Your love shows me the magic
That we brush aside daily
When we should be in awe of
That i am lucky I exist in a time where
You are one call away

I put the CD in the CD player
a sunset in every fall leaves
they make me think of you
of the colors that burst inside of me
my tea sat alone on the balcony
while I write letters with flowery cursive
my dearest, I said
the Paris light shines bright
grab my hand and dance.

I want to be the It Girl
the girl who laughs so loud
but no one seems to mind
I don't envy her beauty
but she is beautiful
in a way that she knows

I want to live life like It Girl.
Taking up space whenever
talking to whoever
no fear, no need to hide
It girl thrives in the light

And I sit alone in my comforting darkness today
Dreaming about being It girl.
Maybe tomorrow, I will try again.

I hope you find peace
when your fingers search that keyboard
a heavy heart that beats for no one
even if it feels like its not beating at all

I can only walk this earth for so long
before i learn to glaze over tears.
I yearn for a leap off the cliff
but i am  a slug in a salt bath.

My mother wore pearls,
like her mother before her
those pearls will sit on my neck too
and I will add a bead
it is only right
for the pearls to be heavier each generation

like corals that stack in the ocean
our **** ups shine back in our children
we are ruined by old pearls before us,
and them ruined by those before them

the cycle will never break
so I wont have children.

She wouldn't be remember
as a quiet girl

but thats alright
those people still--
remembered her.

When you met a person
who never sings a note in key
or never complains about walking the dog in the rain
who hates the taste of coffee
but kisses you after a cup of americano anyways
who walks with you forever
even if his feet are Sore

when you met someone who warms your world
you can never go back to the nights again
it is a privilege to lay with the sun.

My window is leaking again
2nd time since you've been gone
funny how it never seemed to rain
when you were around
the california air always so peaceful

The first time i panicked, cried, and felt my world crumble
this time, i even laughed a little
called my mother
and sorted things out
the california rain seemed to calm a little

The sea will wash away your sins
so don't be afraid to live
for when the creator comes
they will show kindness
that is the only type of creator you should worship anyways.

and if there is no creator
you will arrive to the ocean with nothing to offer
and the sea can wash away nothing else but you.

There is a peace in the morning
the lark singing, but only ever so gently for you
a clean mist that breathes life into the earth.

I wake up to catch the Dawn
like your name
so much magic in 30 minutes.

A kiss between the brows
a hazy lazy smile.
Morning coffee and freshly washed hair

I need not spend my life chasing heaven
it is all around me if i looked harder
even if i must wake from this fantasy.

Holding back tears with a straining smile
I speechlessly waved goodbye.
And now i think of you hopelessly
learning a thirst that cannot be quenched
a craving that eats you away like a venom.
As i type out this poem late at night
i begin to realize
There are pain in the world that leaves you helpless
and in that helplessness, I learn love in its full force.

I hold your hand
from birth to death
pretty poems are often about heartaches
the day I lose you,
will be the day I write the most beautiful poem.

They love you in ways they think is selfless
And at least in their mind its true
But they ******* up
And give you their insecurities
To create new ones to pass on

Sometimes they try their best
Sometimes they try
But at the end
They will hand you their heirlooms
And then you will be have the mend the broken glass.

girl with moonshine in  her eyes
she danced around wildly
letting the wind catch her feet

She kissed him softly
whispering sweet nothing
in his ears, courage from alcohol

she got out of his car
drunkenly happy
no there were no promise made

she walked into her room
crying her make up off
on her desk, an unopened bottle of moonshine.

Naked as we came
tangled on the sheets-the sunlight nearly peaked
your skin on mine, a femine smooth and masuline rough
your chest hair did always tickle my cheeks
the smell of sweet sweet sweat in the air
"want some eggs?"
"yes please."

I feel sorry for my mom
Not for the bitter lady she has become
but the little girl who dreamt of bigger

I so fear that I will feel a slight relief
leaving flower at her grave.

I watch you grew from nothing
to everything.
My little bean's first step
the steady heart beat that grew into marching shoes
I watched my bean put on his uniform
a little picture of me he carried in his pocket
The tiny hands that once reached for me
Are now holding onto a barrel, squeezing a trigger
I used to sit by the window
watching my bean hop off that yellow bus
shiny shoes and sun burnt cheeks
Now i sit by the window
men in uniforms holding your belongings
My little bean's face flashed in my mind like a thousand films
Those childish eyes and chubby cheeks are now for god to see
My bean will never come home to me.

From the first time you drew breathe
I felt my heart beat somewhere else
other than my own body

From the last time you drew breathe
I felt my heart sink
into that tiny coffin with you.

Oh you’re beautiful
The way you tailor your love
fitting me like a glove
The way you pull up my sleeves
Expose my scars, and kissed them.
Brown eyes honey
Soothing a ever lasting storm.

Sometimes i think
if the sun will ever shine the same
knowing it will never land on your face again.

I put your tiny shoes back in the closet
never cleaning off the dirt
that contained all your laughs.