He says I love you a lot
I believe them sometimes
I laugh them off sometimes

But I know he really does love me.
Because at night when he is fast asleep
he still searches for my body with his hand
Because at the dinner table
he watches me eat and gets giddy when I make a mess
Because when I reach for his hand
he already met me half way
Because when I feel sick
a hot bath is being drawn in the other room

So it is not that I doubt him
But I will laugh sometimes
our apartment filled with tiny grand gestures of love.

My love
I am sorry
About how I had to leave you
even when I promised I wouldn't
I know you Never meant to bite
it all happened so fast

My love
I am sorry
I know you will forget me
at least I hope you do
because I will never forget you
and believe me when I say, this wound will never close.

My love
I am sorry
I hope you will forgive me
the way you looked at me before you went
of an ocean of sadness, with a confused gaze on top.
I swore I would never leave you, I should've known not to promise.

I wish you knew the way I love you
then maybe you'd wear sunscreen a bit more
then maybe you'd drive slower just a bit
and eat more vegetables once in a while.
I wish you knew the way I hate myself
then maybe you'd think twice before glancing away
then maybe you'd try not to raise your voice
and be here with me always and forever

I guess watching him drive away
will never be easy
even if he is going to work
or just getting groceries
a part of me will always say
"he might not come back"

When I was 5, I looked for God in churches.
but I found his face in ivory and gold, stiff as dead.
It is a sin they say
But I look upon his face
his warmth
his words
and there I found a merciful god
letting my wary head fall in a gentle, gentle sleep.

I have my hope
in my little London apartment
in my Tiffany blue robe
what happens when it stops raining?
Will I miss my umbrella and polkadot raincoats?
It doesn't matter.
I have my hope
but today, it rains.

The clouds poured that day
When my mother took me in the church
I kneeled in front of a porcelain Mary
Who glared down in righteousness
So full of herself, i thought.

She should be a figure of strength
A warrior even, made by her virginal status
But you are still porcelain, I snarled
A slight push
And to pieces you go.

In the fear of the Divine
I confessed my sins
Her smile still cold and smirk like
Laughing ay my earthly worries
Dismissing my lonely sorrow.

I looked up again in pain and anger
Smothered by fear and angst
To be met with my mother’s face
Who stood in porcelain
Looking down in righteousness.