Behind the youth room, sitting on the pavement, I think of past times.
I sit quietly and submerse my mind in the memories…
And I wonder, if I leave, will I ever come back and do this again? Feel the sweet nostalgia?
Will I tell my kids about these memories?
Will I tell them about the ones that haunt me as well? The ones I wish I could forget?
I think I will. I wish my parents had emphasized on the horrific things those memories do to you.
Weeds overrun Ashleigh’s and my old meeting place.
Our drainage grate where we told secrets have been overtaken by bushes.
“My chest hurts a lot today.” “And when I look back, I see you waving”
-Grizzly Bear, Fix it

Leaves are martyrs
for a ruthless autumn

He sits in his rocking chair
Moon on his lap
He asks his wife for some more ice
In his eyeball-glass
She looks out the kitchen window
Eyes fixed on Antares-
The fish hook of the sky
Mars’ rival in its palace
She wonders why, if hunter’s dead,
She still feels strong desire
“**** yourself before it kills you”
Whispers the star of fire
The son sits Indian style
Upon his race-car bed
He prays to Pluto and the sun
And ponders in his head,
“Am I proud to be an earthling?”
“Could my skin transform to fur?”
Then he closed his eyes
And realized
It’s not as they are
But as they were

I am naked, from the soul down
a traveler without a ticket,
to the luminance beyond the galaxies.
I beget love,
seek beauty beyond limits, sing.
let me kiss your heart,
because, i see it responds,
to me in eloquent silence.
*let me be a bard, with magic wings
to reach you, and nestle in your serene heart.
kiss my soul with your words, once
make me immortal.

I said
"No."
But I really meant
"Yes."
You said
"Go."
But you really meant
"Stay."

And so I went
Never heard from again

I thought
"Maybe one day."
But the words never made it out alive
Things never seem to go my way
And so I cut you off and threw you out
Like a rotting limb
Which is what you are but there's no doubt
That your touch infects my skin

Spreading in and deepening
I get down to my knees
Never was sure about what was happening
What's the difference between a manipulatorand a tease?
Screaming through the wire
We took our final breath together
Hearts and lungs consumed by fire
To the street goes an anvil shaped like a feather

You may read this and not understand
but I guess that makes two of us.

I have this impossible need to cry.
I want to cry and I want someone to see.
Maybe if they see they will understand.
They probably wont understand.
I have no words for this feeling that burns inside me
without words,
crying seems like the only way to get it out.
I want it out.

If I tried to give it words,
I would use,
drowning and suffocating and trapped.
But thoes are just words
and they do not prevail what is pinning me to the floor of my soul.
Its force is unyeilding
and I endlessly long for a way to express its power,
but it seems that a power so strong cannot be expressed.
Not by words and not even by tears.
But maybe if there were tears
someone would hold me
and lie to me.
Tell me that it's all going to get better.
Thats what people do, we comfort each others sorrows
even if we don't posses the sorrows of the other.

So maybe I will cry.
And maybe someone will care.