Does it ever occur to you
That your face appears in
My thoughts and dreams
And everything in between?

Or should I assume
That like my silly humor,
You just think of me like a joke
And nothing more?

Do you believe in us,
Or is the thought so absurd
That it would only pop up
In your head as sarcastic nonsense?

Could it really be only me
That feels these feelings,
Or are you hiding them
Like an elementary school boy does?

Am I only wasting my time
Wistfully dreaming about you-
Or are you
Secretly dreaming of me too?

Everything I do
It's all wrapped up in you
It's like our thoughts are on the same baking sheet, running together as the heat increases
Forming one big lump of something delicious
I was just trying to finagle my way into getting there
And now you're going
Alone
Alone for a whole month
Maybe you'll be better when you're back
Maybe you'll want me around again
I understand needing space but you clearly aren't living in solitude
That's what hurts I guess
The other people you're surrounding yourself with
You'd rather them, than me
They've been toxic for years
I've been a salve for the last one
I'm still confused
I'm still sad
I will probably still cry for hours and make bad decisions with even worse people
You won't be there when I need you because I'll be too scared to talk to you when I can't handle life
I won't want you there when I cry because I'll be crying over you
Over
and
Over
and over.
The memories replay in my mind
No more late night excursions into further knowing each other and wandering around never getting lost because you always know where you are.
No more late night talks about anything.
No more I love yous.
No more texts that make me laugh in inappropriate situations.
No more small encouragements when I feel at my worst.
I miss you like you're gone. Even though I know you're not.
But while
I may be dead to you

The worst part is

I’m dead inside

Of course I still care

about you

I love you

until there is no more of me left

I will love you

I will always be sad when I think of you

And remember that we were supposed to be those special

Forever

Friends

I will always mourn the misunderstanding that ended us

The ridiculous notion that I didn’t appreciate you for exactly who you were

For the person that lives inside of you

Just waiting for you to discover him

I won’t let him die.

I will keep him alive in my heart and I will love him until the end of all that I know

I will never stop loving you

I’m breaking half thinking about you

Jack helps

But he’s an expensive friend to keep around

I’m thinking of checking out

Just leaving everyone behind and becoming someone no one will recognize

I’m a fan of that

I’m a fan of being something totally different for the time being

Taking the time to know that it’s not who I am

But what I do

That drives people away

Because you don’t deserve me right now

You don’t deserve to realize that I’m actually pretty great

I will remember everything you say

I will take it all to heart

And I will shower you with love when you let me

But for now

I’m gone
And
As the nicotine numbs my lips
And everyone tells me I’m better off

I deserve better
I don’t need you

That you’re being spiteful 

And mean

I can’t accept it 

Even though you’ve ripped out my heart 

And part of my soul

Grinding them up into dust 

I can’t listen to people put you down

I can’t accept what they are saying 

Shame on me

For thinking so little of myself 

If anyone else had done this to me 

You’d be furious 

Yelling at me about all the same things everyone is telling me about you 

Love and blood and sweat and tears be ****** 

I won’t let you break me 

It doesn’t matter that I’m doing it for who I thought you were
It matters that its happening

The opposite of love is indifference
So when I tell you I hate you
I still care about you
I just have no room to love you anymore
Because all I have done was get hurt by you
So this is my way of saying
Goodbye

Oh meet me on the highway, baby
Where the Sun meets the ground
Oh see me in the subway, lover
When no one's around
Because there's no need to put up a fight
There's no need when everything will be alright

Listen to my words
Floating through space
From my mouth to your eardrums
It's an open and close case
It will all be as easy as apple pie
When you come with me
To the place where the dead never die
I promise, I'm most definitely certain
There's no doubt in my little mind
That when it's all done and they pull down the curtain
There's nothing we can't find

your blood shot eyes
so red and round
their juicy plumpness compels me
to eat my baby tomatoes

the pungent smell
of your ***** second-hand smoke
fills me with desire
for some beef jerky

the sickly sight
of your slimy, greasy hair
leave me desperate with longing
for some succulent string cheese
when you scarf down your food
as if the world was ending
i can feel my partially digested turkey sandwich
make its way back up my throat
and spew out
all over your yogurt
ruining it

calculus.


(co-authored)

I want to ease you out of the mess you've gotten into.
I want to be the one to save you from it.
I want you to not have to worry about deceit or suspicion.
I want you to snap out of your 3 year coma.

If I could end it all for you, I would be the happiest I've been in a very long time.
Your beauty is only matched by your strength to endure and your blind loyalty to a man that doesn't deserve it.
I have more respect for you than all of my friends for that.
I wish I could have that much devotion in my life, with my relations.
If only I had you.

You are so ****** unique, so ****** beautiful.
I want to end your pain, but I don't know how.
I cry for you.
I cry for the day you wake up.