yesterday:

you're okay
aren't you?
please,
tell me you're all right
so i don't have to lie
trying to soothe you

today:

i refuse
to ask if you're okay
because if it were up to you,
you wouldn't be

i will tell you
you are fine
not sometime
not tomorrow
right now,
i'm here to say
you're okay

let's wade upstream
sure, you can follow me
i'm heading into sunset
around the dams
and up the falls, and
muddy water runs deep
in these veins, after all, and
ahoy, a nest!
amid pine needles
and gatorade bottles
sits pretty mother goose
hissing like a serpent
so, take off! for the shore!
like helpless little children
let's race downstream

"Just, don't do what I've done"
The greatest advice
Grandpa ever gave us

the blue
looked like static through
the green
and
as the lake
rose
we
dropped
in the forest
and
no one heard us

i should've locked doors
i shouldn't be on this floor
i should scream, but can't

Meltdown after meltdown
I'm a mess and they know
The worst of me is always last to show
And it was a matter of minutes
Before he saw, so.

Even back then, I knew
Love takes work, it's worth it
But all I wanted was to hide
And for him to be
happier.

Now, I wish I could be like everyone
Everyone who knows how to love
Like my brother and parents and him
Because I loved him
I love him still
But sometimes,
I'm not sure if that's enough
I'm not sure if the way I love
Is worth much.

I'm not sure if love is magic
I think it's a choice
And I think I choose to love him
From a distance
Yet I missed him
From sundown to dawn
Again.

Ducking out of the tropics
And back to the tundra
Is what I've always done
When the sun gets too bright
Too hot, too fast
And last time the world froze,
I was afraid we'd never thaw
I was afraid I was heartless
But his memory reminds me
I must have heart,
Right?

For, something is wondering
Something is wishing
Something is wanting
And I don't understand, but
I miss his eyes and his hands
And his voice
And his smile
And his jokes
And his cats
And his coat
And his mother
And music
And hair
And hell
I don't even know
I just want him to be happy.

I just hope he's always happy.
And never cold.

dearest
pink phlox moon
glow through that
sugar maple
as say
a heart behind a
ribcage

branches
be the bones
the breeze, the blood
walloping, weltering
starry leaves
the breaks
that leak
l i g h t

into

l i f e
that make
midnight
outshine
sunday

but counting footsteps
adds up to nothing
if they're not yours
still, i'd rather pace this floor
another hundred times more
than to wonder where you've
wandered
tonight

if we are
too rushed
to be true
to our dreams
let's slow down
and let life
be
our brightest
fantasy

Yellow is my favorite color!
she exclaims
As of today? because
this is news to me
Nah, maybe last week
i mean, it's the color of sunshine!
and smiley faces
and golden retrievers and-
Bananas, i have to add
because she's peeling one
even though it's hard to tell
since it matches her tank top
so astoundingly well
Exactly! she smiles
nothing yellow there
only white, now that the braces are off
anyhow,
while she rambles on
and offers some fruit to a chipmunk
i pick a dandelion
one that hasn't wilted
into wishes yet
and she flashes that piano key grin
when i present her with the **** and
she sticks the thing behind her ear
just like a pencil
pretty little ears that haven't been
pierced
thank you! it's perfect!
and she flings her arms around my neck
just to prove it
then she parades away
straight for the sidewalk
bright flowery dot
bopping around in her curls
and as of today,
yellow will always be
my favorite shade of everything

She wore her heart on her sleeve
But kept an ace underneath
Just in case

She wore out the word "always"
The "look at mes", "I'm sorrys"
And "oh somedays"

She wore countless shades of rouge
From her cheekbones to her shoes
All drying up so well,
All here yet never there

She wore in the pair of lips
That filled her face with bliss
Like a beacon through the mist
The eighth sea's pokered siren

She wore seashells in her knees
The eve she washed ashore
Crept to flag a ship
That might sink her back to more

Heart bleeding from her sleeve
Cards stacked against beneath
Scarlet nails and blistered feet
Enough to make one think she-
Closed her eyes to dress

Life wore her backwards,
Inside out and backwards
And still,
She wore it best.

the world needs more people
who can't help but smile
when accidental eye-contact is made.

Behold this refined reflection
Of chaos I've collected
Over a million-odd moons

Reload this fog and smear
Squeaky streaks in glass where
Fingertips became brushes

mirror mirror on the wall
make my lips fuller
cheeks hollow
nose small
and eyes long
for nothing
may distort me now

only yesterday i met him
right?
or was it several centuries ago?
i reckon this is what forever feels like
swirling as we breathe
let's just stay amazed
and believe
this is life how it's meant to be
steadfastly lapsing with love

Shoulder to shoulder with you
Staring at a house
The two of us built
Without ever lifting a hammer

I saw things clearly
For the first time in my life
You weren't always right

"One last drive?"

Your unimpressed smirk
That half-somewhere-else look
A lifetime of that face
And now I make myself remember

Because it's one thing when
You're only halfway present forever
And quite another when
That half will be gone
Come morning

you can't see the forest for the trees, so
i made my way up a pine
and for those few, glorious moments
i was nine years old again
but it wasn't the thrill of the climb, no
not that time
i was just getting a good look at where
i was going to die

"yeah, i remember," i lied
because your lip curled at the side
and that meant you were
a hundred miles from here, and far
you'll never know how far i wanted you
from the war all around us

That, there
what was it made for?
It's on the money,
in the movies
and I'm an ignorant tourist
in my own **** country.

what rests in shallow arms
to wade through violent waters?
a blistered little sunken heart
drunk on the idea
that love might save her...

Mon bijou,
I don't need a diamond
When I could build an island
From all the pebbles you remove
From my shoes

I wake up in the ward again
With film over my feet
And wires in my hair
And God's eyes on the ceiling
They call them cameras
But they lie like dogs in
Places like these
And I am sleepy
So I let them

I wake up with a hornet
In my my elbow, a brick
As my tongue
And a name on
My lips
That sounds like
My own
If I scream it long
Enough

I wake up in restraints again
And it's the same again
Except
I don't question it
Why I'm here and what I've done
Because
God winks at me, reminding me
That I don't want to know
No, I don't want to know that
I have finally made it
Home

(what goes)
she loved so freely
she loved to survive
she often held her breath
at the awe of romanticizing
suffocation
human nature choked the life
out of love
the world took her breath
(up)
and earth died to return it
both art and age attempted cpr
the scholars couldn't phase her
neither could the sages
but the scotch and the stars
opened gates that led to
emergency operations
(must come)
so her heart could swap places with
her lungs
now she breathes too freely
she forgets she's loving
and that all hearts are still beating
hers
(down)

staring through her stainglassed eyes
i realize
angels are the only kind
of alien
i can't believe in

oh
and while you were gone
the lights went out completely
i hope they never come back
on

get me
out of here
it's light
it's loud
it's late
i'm stuck
i'm sick
i'm sorry
i don't know what to say
i want to give you everything
i don't know how you've stayed
long enough to
get me
i want you to take the best of me
i need you to make the best of me
so
get me
alone
and let me
love you
better

twenty dollars
on the curb, on the brink
of being mine
but it's not, i saw it blow
from that old man's older ride

crisp and
it's in my hand, it really is
and then it's right
back into his
"you saw me looking, and-"

for the first time, i receive
a "bless you"
without
having to sneeze

bless that old man instead

i know your history
is more
terror-ridden
than most of our
worst nightmares
but, must i understand?
to sit beside you in the red clay to
snake my arms around you to
catch your hair in the cracks of my lips
as the hurricanes
crash over all you've
been
and
seen, all those
colors within your
eyelids
it's dark back there
i'd imagine
but **** it all,
i know your future
must be brighter than
this

(and i will hold you
'til it is)

I am sick of seeing my breath
So as
I march up this bank
My chin tips toward the sun and I
Slam shut my eyes
Let my face go to leather
My vision go rosy
Like my knuckles and nose
Pink lemonade lids
In Greensboro's blind spot
I stand in spotlight
Yet I don't feel bright, no
All I feel is
Wasted
When I spin
To lean on thin
Air
I smell
Your sweater
Sunrays are
Your fingers
And when I tap my boot on
Icy ponds
I hear your voice
Crack
My heart
Crack
Split through its rawest chamber
The one you unlocked
Today
Eight months after
I left you out to freeze

when two poets fall in love
they don't fall
they float
and dive and splash
at the same time

everyday communication
rivals best-selling dialogue
libraries of romance
hold nothing to the love notes
with which they sprinkle life

bystanders wonder
if gods or stars or anything
could articulate
the eloquence they exude for eachother

when two poets fall in love
they soar
they muse
they scrapbook dates with words
art becomes a survival skill
an explosion
when two poets fall in love
there's not a catch

She uses her own name as a punchline
About a hundred times a day
She keeps money in her socks and
Gum on her soles as "collections"

And she smiles until her eyes squish
And she's fried her hair with bleach
And she leaves riddles on the wrappers
Of my brother's guitar strings
Handwritten like a Shakespearean
Handwriting like a snot-nosed student

And she's got hoops through her nostrils
And crystalline skin
And silver dollar eyes
And she ties her fried hair into knots
And she's twenty one
And she bought us ***** to prove it
And she better not use my little brother
My God, she better not

Two years, you spent eyeing
Those boots on your feet
Finally, you got them
One week
Before bootcamp

This morning,
You wore a cap without a tassle
And a tie full of flags
Our nation's colors
Bled through your gown

So stand now,
Beneath this pool hall light
So I can memorize
That crooked swirl in your hair
Little black whirpool
I never knew was there

"I never knew my hair was this dark,"
You told me, once
"Until I left California"

Sometimes I forget
You left your mother and surfing
And picked up bass fishing
And skate boarding
A few friends
And shooting pool
And now you're leaving this
To learn to shoot a rifle

Seventeen and you already
Know how to live

Congratulations
Farewell
My favorite Marine
You hug me
And you smell like cologne
And after two years
Of knowing you in Carolina
I don't know why
That surprises me