i had a dream,
you were in my arms.
our songs playing in the background.
simply melodies mixed in with giggles and deep breaths.

when i woke up i sighed,
i'm tired if your side being so cold

i wish i coped with my anxiety in other ways.

i stare sometimes.
i take in the undefined beauty of the crowd around me.
i watch the way people gesture, the way their hands move nimbly.
i watch the people run, with every time their foot hits the ground their arms go up.
i watch people put in headphones and the way their body reacts, gently yet so strongly.  
i stare sometimes.
i find the way peoples rings fit on their hands electrifying.
i find the way peoples hands intertwine, so softly yet so intimate.
sometimes i stare,
and its not because im rude.
im just taking in the beauty of the world, and enjoying every second of it.

J'ai envie d'être aussi belle que les autres autour de moi.

don't let me fade away.
don't let my crimson waters flood out of me.
don't let my lungs take in the forbidden words filled with water.
don't let my heart beat for my mind.
don't let me fade away.
and if I do, don't forget me.
promise?

you fell for the sun. and all its warmth, its beaming light. its color.

but my darling i was the moon. i was cold. i was dark.

and i wasnt what you wanted.

even though i told you to never look at the sun, you still did. and it burned your eyes.

yet here i was, soft and mellow, ready to tend to your wounds.

but once again you looked.

though i provided you with sunglasses this time.

sometimes i fade away into empty bottles of ***,
and unsmoked cigarettes.
instead of fading away into your arms.
i find this quite sad

will you be the june to my johnny cash?
the tracy to my lil peep?
the kelso to my jackie?
the freddy to my carly?
the james to my alyssa?
the percy to my annabeth?

the star to my night sky.

will you?

i can feel my body going limp,
my sight going foggy,
im getting colder.
my head is throbbing and my hands are shaking.
its so loud, im so tired.
its only 8:53

when i feel the earth caving in i write.
i write about the earthy smell,
the way the roots twist and tangle,
i write about the way the rain falls horizontally.
i write about the way mother nature weeps,
the way her beautifully broken tears fall in puddles all around.
i write about the sky, and the clouds. the stars even.
i write about nature cause its all i know.
and i know nature will never change its earthy glow.

you have my hands tied back with a thin silk rope.
you tighten this rope when you feel me slipping from you.
i even has a name.
love.

so maybe i'm stupid, or maybe i'm dumb, but i'm starting to think maybe you like that i'm numb

my demons are screaming i think they might win
my heads under water and i cannot swim.
theres weights at my wrist, a buzz in my ears, my eyes are going hazy my limbs are going limp.

my actions are now dire for the sake of myself
"mom i need help"
i force out my mouth like a bullet from hell.
"honey youre okay. youre gonna be fine"
those words hit my heart like a bunch of knives"
"okay, thanks mom. i love you"
i say, whisking away the blank expression on my face.

but heres one thing i just couldnt say.

my demons are screaming i think they might win
my breathes are short like october wind.
they have become people, violent and strong.
putting weights on my shoulders so i must play along.

ive kicked them off once, but they keep coming back.
they have become real things and theres no turning back.
they hold my sparks in the palm of their hands,
i sometimes wonder if ill ever see it again.

my demons are screaming i think that they've won.
my spark has gone out,
and im totally numb.

i went months with the constant dispense of my addiction for you.
and now i get to suffer the blood rotting withdrawals.  
and i know we both agreed on this, but
when i look at you i see constellations.
i see ocean waves gone rouge.
i see mighty trees and blanket thick forests.
i know we both agreed on this, but
when i hear you i get butterflies in my stomach.
i hear swigs of whiskey.
i hear a sweet southern drawl like nothing ive heard before.
i hear the hums of an electric bass amp.
i know we both agreed on this, but
i need you.
like the earth needs the moon,
like space needs the stars,
like guitars need their strings.
i need you the way you need pokemon cards.
god i just,,
dont give up on me..

im a ******* for the pain you cause me.

i write,
and i write,
and i write.
yet i can never find the words to put my pain into.
i can never seem to let my emotions flow through the tip of my pen.
though i would love to tell you guys my pain through beautiful metaphors and rhymes.
my pain is fathomless,
let alone someone i can write.

ive always loved the sound snow makes.
the way the earth falls silent, the waves of my voice to you being soaked up by the freshly produced crystals.
the way it crunches beneath your feet, only to leave your shoes wet and cold.
ive always loved the cold, and the moments leading to it.
but the coldest month of the year for me was july.
but then august came around, and as the months have passed, your love for me has slowly melted the snow in my heart.

the sky will one day lose its blue
the stars will one day fail to shine
the fireflies that litter the summer night skies will one day lose their fire
the sun will fail to burn
the earth will fail to turn
the moon will fail to reflect the suns dying glow
but I will love you, even after the sky falls