i miss your hands.
i miss the way your fingertips trace their love into my hips.
i miss the way your hands wander all over me.
i miss the way your fingers feel on my tongue.
i miss your hands.
i miss how you hold me close.
i miss the way your fingers run through my hair.
i miss your hands in more way than one, but i long for every way just the same

never in a million years did i think i would meet an angel like you.
with silky hair, and devilish blue eyes.
i couldn't get enough of you.

but as time went on i realized you were a fallen angel. something deprived of the devil.
your kisses were lukewarm, your heart was frozen,
and the only thing you ever did with me was tear my heart out and rip into thousands of threads.
you were once an angel, fallen from grace.

so now, i hope you rot in the depths of hell for all of eternity.

like the devil you've become.

i never thought someones breathing patterns would become music to my ears.
i never thought not hearing someones voice would put me in physical pain.
i never thought i would admire someone like i once admired the moon.
but ya know,
there came you.

i wish i coped with my anxiety in other ways.

i had a dream,
you were in my arms.
our songs playing in the background.
simply melodies mixed in with giggles and deep breaths.

when i woke up i sighed,
i'm tired if your side being so cold

s
o
  m
    e
     t
      i
       m
         e
           s
p
e
  o
    p
     l
      e
c
  h
   a
    n
     g
       e

im
     sorry.

id put a gun in my mouth if it meant i could **** the things living in my head.
without me actually being dead.

will you be the june to my johnny cash?
the tracy to my lil peep?
the kelso to my jackie?
the freddy to my carly?
the james to my alyssa?
the percy to my annabeth?

the star to my night sky.

will you?

i stare sometimes.
i take in the undefined beauty of the crowd around me.
i watch the way people gesture, the way their hands move nimbly.
i watch the people run, with every time their foot hits the ground their arms go up.
i watch people put in headphones and the way their body reacts, gently yet so strongly.  
i stare sometimes.
i find the way peoples rings fit on their hands electrifying.
i find the way peoples hands intertwine, so softly yet so intimate.
sometimes i stare,
and its not because im rude.
im just taking in the beauty of the world, and enjoying every second of it.

don't let me fade away.
don't let my crimson waters flood out of me.
don't let my lungs take in the forbidden words filled with water.
don't let my heart beat for my mind.
don't let me fade away.
and if I do, don't forget me.
promise?

sometimes i fade away into empty bottles of ***,
and unsmoked cigarettes.
instead of fading away into your arms.
i find this quite sad

J'ai envie d'être aussi belle que les autres autour de moi.

you fell for the sun. and all its warmth, its beaming light. its color.

but my darling i was the moon. i was cold. i was dark.

and i wasnt what you wanted.

even though i told you to never look at the sun, you still did. and it burned your eyes.

yet here i was, soft and mellow, ready to tend to your wounds.

but once again you looked.

though i provided you with sunglasses this time.

the sky will one day lose its blue
the stars will one day fail to shine
the fireflies that litter the summer night skies will one day lose their fire
the sun will fail to burn
the earth will fail to turn
the moon will fail to reflect the suns dying glow
but I will love you, even after the sky falls

i can feel my body going limp,
my sight going foggy,
im getting colder.
my head is throbbing and my hands are shaking.
its so loud, im so tired.
its only 8:53

my demons are screaming i think they might win
my heads under water and i cannot swim.
theres weights at my wrist, a buzz in my ears, my eyes are going hazy my limbs are going limp.

my actions are now dire for the sake of myself
"mom i need help"
i force out my mouth like a bullet from hell.
"honey youre okay. youre gonna be fine"
those words hit my heart like a bunch of knives"
"okay, thanks mom. i love you"
i say, whisking away the blank expression on my face.

but heres one thing i just couldnt say.

my demons are screaming i think they might win
my breathes are short like october wind.
they have become people, violent and strong.
putting weights on my shoulders so i must play along.

ive kicked them off once, but they keep coming back.
they have become real things and theres no turning back.
they hold my sparks in the palm of their hands,
i sometimes wonder if ill ever see it again.

my demons are screaming i think that they've won.
my spark has gone out,
and im totally numb.

so maybe i'm stupid, or maybe i'm dumb, but i'm starting to think maybe you like that i'm numb

im a ******* for the pain you cause me.

when i feel the earth caving in i write.
i write about the earthy smell,
the way the roots twist and tangle,
i write about the way the rain falls horizontally.
i write about the way mother nature weeps,
the way her beautifully broken tears fall in puddles all around.
i write about the sky, and the clouds. the stars even.
i write about nature cause its all i know.
and i know nature will never change its earthy glow.