I long to get lost in the constellations in your eyes
let me drown away my sorrows in the Milky Way.
for once I'm in those beautiful constellations,
I get lost in you.
all because of star gazing into those breathtaking eyes.

sometimes loving someone hurts more than losing them.
let go.

i want to touch the bluest of skies.
i want to sink my feet into the deepest earth.
i want to soak in the bluest of oceans.
i want to taste the sweetest of foods.
i want to hear the most beautiful of melodies.
so lets go on an adventure.
i want to feel so big
yet
so
small.
as long as its with you.

i can hear you,
sense you,
touch you.
youre locked away in the back of my mind, itching.
clawing.
poking.
looking for a way out.
youre a creature.
and by association,
you make me a creature.
a creature of habit.

i need to take a shower,
but it burns.
water slowly seeps into self administered war wounds,
and my mind goes foggy.
i grip my arms and squeak in pain.
im tired of causing myself pain but i just cant get enough
of those perfect little papercuts.

your love in my eyes is like rain on a summers day
like music that leaves a tingle in your spine
like the smell of fresh baked cookies on a january afternoon
like pinky promises in dimly lit rooms
like secret kisses stolen in the dark
your love, in my eyes is all i need to become mesmerized by you
your love, fills my every decision and brings me home each day
so i’m sorry if the way i cling to you is to much
but in my eyes, your love is all i need, and all i could ever want
so please for the love of god. let me stay

i find myself wanting to hold your embers in my hands,
but if i do ill get burned.

Something smelled like you today.
The breeze carried your smile and your laugh straight to my sinuses and clogged them in unrequited love and whispered promises spoken in dimly lit rooms.
I had to strain against the weight of your soft kisses and tight hugs that made my knees start to give way.
The warm summer air seemed to taunt me in that moment, knowing the very scent of you could make me weak.
That it could wreck the cartilage that stood fortified in my knees and held me up so highly.
Something smelled like you today,
Or maybe it was just my senses playing a trick on me.
Either way, youre whispered in the breeze. A slowly forgotten memory.

i am nothing in my soul if not obsessive,
and i know intense love will always lead to mourning.
and now what am i supposed to do?

i know im not the person you want.
i do know that i promise.
but late at night when youre holding me bare and exposed against your chest, i cant help but think i may be.
when youre laughing alongside me in the car and you turn to me, those dazzling hazel eyes shining as they meet mine, i cant help but think i may be.
when youre whispering secrets to me until the early hours of the morning, our scents combing and lingering in a haze around us, i cant help but think maybe.
i know im not the person you want, nor will i ever be.
but its nice to pretend sometimes.

i crave the feeling of your love rushing through me.
i want to be breathless,
my lungs begging for your words to replace mine.
i long for the piercing stare, the harsh tone, the wandering hands.
i long for you.
for your special kind of love,
made up of choked gasps and scratched backs.

i long for you while you long for me.  
and all we can do is sit in the back of the classroom, writing poetry.

I find myself laying awake in the middle of the night wishing I was her.
not for how she looks
or her smile
or her laugh,
but for the way you look at her.

are you fighting for her or fighting for me
when you think of those eyes, whose do you see?
when you think of that voice, whose is the perfect key?
if you saw us both, would you run to me?
theres two sides to this battle,
and sadly i cant see,
where in the world,
you would choose me.

The day before last I dreamt of you.
My hands in your hair while a movie played.
I realized It was a dream when I woke up,
And realized youd never want me.

you were a dream my mind had created out of little fragments of memories.
a dream made out of light from every gleaming star in the sky.
god, what a dream you were.
it felt as if i could reach into my mind and swim in the oceans in your eyes.
i could have count every freckle that sprinkled across your nose,
i could have gently pressed my lips against yours,
you couldve called me by your name, and i couldve called you by mine.
and i realize now you were nothing but a dream then.
but now youre my only reality

i cant remember
                        what its like
to not
         feel

t i r e d
and
d i z z y

sometimes i cant help but wonder,
if the way i say your name leaves shivers in your spine,
if the way i whisper carelessly makes you feel safe,
if the way i push your glasses back up makes you feel small,
i cant help but wonder these things because i know how these things make me feel.
but how do they make you?

i feel like i'm stranded.
i'm lost at sea.
i'm so sad cant you see.
you've hurt me more than once and i cant let it go.
i'm in pain and its starting to show.
so i'll shove it down again and again.
but it'll always come back to me

                    again
and
                               ­    again

this is the end.
but dont be scared my love,
i promised to love you till the end of time.

you were my light at the end of a hallway.
but you were blown out.
leaving me stumbling through the dark

youre intoxicating so i go to school drunk and come home hungover craving your lips even more than before.
so hand me the bottle and lets gunshot another round,
because its misery to me when youre not around

take my hand my love.
ill lead you through the dark defending you from your demons.
ill lead you to neverland with a simply ask of me.
im here for you through everything, just intertwine your fingers with mine,
and ill follow you into the dark

i fall to my knees upon your thorns,
and you still dont want me.

not even after i picked out every spike with blood ridden fingertips.
how selfless of me..
to think youll want me

I long for home.
not the place I grew up, nor the house I live in.
I don't long for an apartment, or a city.
I want to go home,
to your arms.
to your eyes.
to your voice.
let me come home.

I breath in the timeless beauty of the pictures we took.
allowing my lungs to fill with the memory of your laugh, and the bittersweet taste of your lips.
I find myself sketching your features into my ceiling each night, allowing myself to see your ocean blue eyes again.  
in the deepened hours of the morning i lay away, my bed cold, your spot empty, unsafe.
come home.
i miss you.

through all the tears and superstitions all i can tell myself is

"he'll never hurt me"

its nights like these where i wished you were curled beside me,
twirling your hair and softly nodding off to sleep.
when you would gently intertwine your fingers with mine and say you loved me.
its nights like this where i wished we were staring out your bedroom window, watching the rain slowly patter off houses and onto the pavement.
i wish i could tell you how much i truly missed you, how much i long for your arms wrapped around me.
but you changed, and thats okay.
i just wish that change involved me.

even though our world fell apart,
i can still look into your eyes and call them home..

this ongoing solitude of mine
is how i silently whisper into the breeze that i miss you.

I get it.
the way red rivers flow
the way revines scar across your skin
the way your heart shatters and slashes your lungs
the way you get pushed last on the list
the way your smile fades when you see them
ive been there, I promise.
I understand your pain, your emptiness, your lack of hope
I understand you, and you're not alone.
you're never alone
I'm always here
you're okay angel

im simply a flower in a childrens book.

people pick off my petals to find out if their one true love
.... loves them not.

im simply a flower,
with brightly colored petals that can drift on a summer breeze.

simply i wither in the cold winter months,
becoming prone to the monsters that hide under my bed.

im simply a flower,
delicate and pretty yet when you look at me long enough you can see the rough dented ridges.

im simply your flower, so take care of me. im oh so delicate,
i hope you can see.

dont pick off my petals to know if i love you, just know that i grow under the moonlight of your love.

so youll never need to know by ripping me apart,
just know ill plant seeds in your heart.

i go home and weep for you
i rot away in your clothes desperatly trying to get your scent onto my skin
i rewatch our videos trying to engrave your voice into the ridges of my skull
i place my hands the same places yours resided, trying to remember the way your hands felt against my skin

everytime i look at you my heart breaks a little more

I've lived thousands of lives
walked thousands of places
talked to thousands of people
loved thousands with all my heart.
yet if I could do it all again,
I would chose to love you, even if its just for a second.

I can still feel the way your eyes burnt into me.
the way your lips traced every curve of my body.
the way you held me.
I can still feel you, and your presence
but to you I'm a stranger, and nothing more than that.
a stranger that once kissed you with ever ounce of passion they had.
a stranger that spent hours, days, months, years even, studying ever scar, ever mark, every way your body moved.
but of course, strangers do that.
I'm just the stranger that walks around with your deepest secrets.