its time for me to say goodbye
to spread my wings and fly far from this place.
ill graze the oceans
and whistle into canyons.
ill feel the flowers ruffle my feathers
and the breeze lift me higher than my wings can carry me.
its time for me to let go of this place,
ive been here long enough

i hope my absence brings you the peace my love couldn’t.

forever chasing after something uncatchable.
forever tripping over my own two feet.
pitiful.

i can’t forgive what you did
but i miss you so much it hurts

some days i let it curl into my side while i pet its head softly
other days i scream at it until my mouth tastes of blood
most days i watch it lurk around my room, picking up certain things and dropping them back down again
grief isn’t a friend, but it’s no stranger either.
it’s made it’s home in the pit of my stomach

i think a part of me will always linger by your side
waiting to hold onto your hand when we cross the street
i’m scared i’ll miss you forever

when i look at the trees i think of you,
how are you not reminded

I’ll be noble. Loyal. Valiant.
I’ll follow you around at your convenience.
I’ll keep my canines hidden.
I won’t snarl. I won’t bite. I won’t bark.
As long as you promise me that I can sleep on the foot of the bed rather than the floor.

i love like a cannibal,
allowing myself to swallow people whole
encompassing them in my being.
i let them sit in the curves of my ribs and and rest their head against my lungs.
maybe i love to hard

i’m good enough to be taken in heaping handfuls
to be displayed
to be ******.
but never will i be good enough to sing to
to hold
to be loved.

despite all this rage,
i am still the little girl crying over her scraped knee

i go home and weep for you
i rot away in your clothes desperatly trying to get your scent onto my skin
i rewatch our videos trying to engrave your voice into the ridges of my skull
i place my hands the same places yours resided, trying to remember the way your hands felt against my skin

everytime i look at you my heart breaks a little more

i hope that the last hug you gave me
can continue to keep me warm for all these cold winter months to come
i fear, if not
i will freeze

the best way i can describe your skin against mine is of flower petals
soft, gentle, comforting
the way your body incapsulates me is that of a rose
beautiful and taunting
you always wondered why i called you my wildflower
maybe this will help

ive never been one to feel
but when your arms wrapped around me i saw the whole universe in my eyes
i saw the stars collide
i saw the oceans currents fold into one another
i saw the planets orbit
i saw the world in its pure and most beautiful form
thank you

why wont you listen
why wont you care to hear that youre wrong
everything i say is locked away
blocked out of your memory
you wont even hear me
see me
feel me
nothing.

every twist within my dna seems to be overruled with the unwanted thought of failure
every breath that expands my lungs reminds me of the mush and metal stitched into them
every word, every phrase, every epithet reminds me that i am nothing
i will not say everything is okay
when it is not.

if you look up the definition of love,
a deep affection for someone or something is the result youll get.
but love is more then that,
its tears
its pain
its fighting
its screaming.
love isnt beautiful
love is a war.

youve held me in the darkest days
kissed the screams off my lips
held my shaking hands
glued the cuts on my skin

youre simply the best.
my heart and my soul
my love <3

breathe,
the world isnt out to get you.  
it will not swallow you into everlasting darkness if you take a break.
rest my love
remember to breathe

i have been eroded.    
slowly chipped away by the flood of others love.
years of words and tears stored in the layers of my skin.  
my erosion has exposed a side of me,
of sedimentary rock composited of dry heaving and silent cries.
my erosion isnt pretty, but people will admire it and study it
thinking it will reveal beauty.  
when in reality, it never will.

this is it my friends
the finale line of my book
as you flip through the pages, take in me
my soul
live for me
when i was to much of a coward to do it on my own.

my parents always told me of monsters under my bed
or the ones that waited in the dark of my closet

but maybe it was me who was the monster after all

the world may turn again
the breeze may whisper sweet nothings into my ears again
the flowers my bloom again
but the world will forever be dark without you holding my hand
i will never see
not without you guiding me

but life is full of goodbyes, and i guess this is mine

so long partner
till the next sunrise

what can i do
when one half of me is torn from my side
separated from my being
walking along the halls without me by their side

my messages shine back bright green
depicting that you have moved on
while i am sadly chained to the thought of you on my skin

i will drown myself in grief
heavy rocks weighting me down to the ocean floor
i will drown
in the knowledge that i am no longer what you want

im begging you
to pull me out of the fire
can you see me through the ashes and the smoke
come quickly
im burning up inside.

i stared into your eyes and declared my love for you
i felt my soul leap out of my throat
and my heart pound against my rib cage
i said i love you with all the air in my lungs
with all the marrow in my bones
i said it with all of me
and you said it back, with none of you

so now i stare at this navy blue prom dress,
hung up in my closet
and curse to myself
how could you be so stupid.

when will i ever be loved
be held into the early hours of the morning
be kissed with the passion of a thousand suns
be sung to with the sweetest melodies
when will i ever be loved.

i cracked a smile and told a joke
just to make you happy.
even though my heart was breaking
and my legs were weak.

i need to stop setting my frail body alight
to keep you warm within my reach.
when you cant even be bothered
to hand me a blanket at night.

i can tie a beautiful silk ribbon around your heart
mend our souls together with a diamond ring
kiss your lips with all the passion of roman warriors
bless you in the waters of athens
yet that still wont prove the undying love i have for you.

maybe ill watch every single sunset
maybe ill sit and enjoy every sound that rings within my ears
maybe ill inhale the smell of rain every time a drop hits the ground
maybe, just maybe
ill be okay

stopping to stare into the whispers of a breeze,
to stare into the eyes held within the stars,
to see the faces in the trees.

home,
is within the eye of the beholder.
and for me, everything reminds me of you.
so i guess you have become my home
and my second nature

i have grown flowers out of the marrow of my bones
i have harbored seeds from the blood that flows
i have created skies from the pain in my eyes
and i do it all for you,
my wildflower

you always called me angel
so maybe its my time to spread my wings and fly

oh my love,
i will bring you to the most beautiful of places and kiss you desperately so everything once beautiful will remind you of me.
i will adore you so tenderly itll feel as if youll never be loved again.
i will make you crawl back to me,
and the storm that is my heart

you promised me forever,
and all i got was a chapter in your book.

"Oh, love is a journey with water and stars,
with drowning air and storms of flour;
love is a clash of lightnings,
two bodies subdued by one honey."


– Pablo Neruda, "Sonnet 12"

and once again i fell into a pile on the floor
crumbled into the lack of person i am
i have lost everything
i am nothing,
but a pile of ***** clothes on my bathroom floor.

you left me surrounded.
surrounded by the lies you filled my pretty little head with.
surrounded by broken promises you swore to keep.
surrounded by the harsh words you played off as love.
i’m surrounded, yet i still apologized.
i still think you’re good..

yellow days seem to turn into black sluggish tears.
the sun seems to fade away into the black oblivion inside of my skull.
the feelings i have manifest into screaming and betrayal.
i have no end, no life.
everything’s dark and there’s no one here to save me.

i’m going to stop trying to be the main character in your love story.
i was merely a side character,
or maybe a comic relief.
but you were always my main.
goodbye lover,
continue your story without me.

i dreamt of you last night.
i thought it was real,
thought you were real.
but i know youll never want me.
stupid little dreams.

i always feared you.
your strong arms, and harsh hands
the way you towered over me and seemed to not care.
im not sure why i was scared,
if im being honest.
but i dove into you, i watched your fear and your anger
your sadness and heart ache.
and i soothed every aching muscle to reveal the most beautiful
guy i have ever known.
i now no longer fear you,
yet i fear what youll become