how blind was I to you

I'll say I wanted to be

you saw my color blue

when I thought I was shining

just like a movie on the screen,

my love for you just reflected what I wanted to love in me.

and realizing that,

I'm finally free.

you're always drinking
when I need you
the very most,
I can't get through to you
even in the simplest
of times, reliability
falls short.

I wish I felt creative
in a world of rainbow lens
where friends are hard to come by
and promises left on open-end
I wish I had capacity
to choose what's right for me

I'm a catastrophe
and nothing is worth losing you
I wonder if I should even try
because I see the girls who are less than I
successfully catching your eye

don't change me cause I'm not looking at you
everyday offers chances that change
but just because I won't take them
sitting back to enjoy the view
or maybe too lazy to try

a confident woman is only perceived as conceited by the insecure.

come with me,
together we'll run out the help

i'll put it all on myself
and we'll suffer long days together

we must make them want to leave
manipulate them into a shameful retreat

it's no coincidence that we coincide
lost in this tunnel of reality
when we'd much rather be
hanging from a tree
no   space   between you and me

there's a recipe for my love
it's not hard to memorize

build me up
let me down
come around,
adjust my crown.
put on some coffee
and take me outside
for our third cigarette break today.
bathe in the shame
until I say it's okay to come out.

when your face turns red,
i'll hold your head
and soften the blows
in a second.

when my brain leaks emotion,
you'll be my distraction
attentive yet reluctant and kind.

accepting the mystery of our own existence
there's nothing to prove
we'll find our own groove
just rest in me,
and i'll always help you

There's a riff that rips at the seams of my memories

Can you hurt yourself to remember

the heaven we gave up on?

Flying high with eyes of green

King of the underground music scene

And me, in the woodwork

Desperate for a darker fix

A flawless fuse, but our love has been shorted.

caught in a loop
I once was naive
healthy and happy
incapable of being deceived
but how can this world
turn colors and shapes?
how can the earth
seem to be erased?
how can the time
pass without care?
and I wouldn't dare
to keep track.
the questions that **** me
the ones that sting deep
are those of existence
and pressure, and soul
for how can everything that defines me,
the entirety of my soul,
the vastness of my being be confined?
I'm stuck in this body,
I'm no more than a beating heart.
how can I explain that to people?
so I lay here,
under the light of an eight-ray moon,
which glitters and sparkles,
challenging the sun.
i think of the leaves
on the tree in the woods
how they weren't dead, but dying...
not green yet not entirely black...
and it filled me with grief.
why can't this beauty last forever?
why am I contained in this temporary body,
with feelings and problems and false obligations?
wishing the tree's would carry me away
I mourn the temporality of appreciation
eternally

Today woke me up without my consent
How dreadful is a day over the day before?
How tedious are my thoughts?
My love clutters the lives of the simple
Boys in foreign homes,
And they wish they could unsee me at all.
The travels of man do not matter,
So long as they unravel golden dreams.
A dream made of gold,
Too far out of reach.
My hopes live in the sky.
My heart underground.

i thought maybe the drugs would inspire me
but instead i think i'm just getting dumber

And I would choose to suffer with you
than to be healthy with another.
Immersed in the reality of your decay
so long as I can still be your angel.
My heart isn't here,
my heart is with you.
My mind doesn't think,
my brain spins around you.
And I would choose to be darkened
than to light up with joy in your absence.

Him
Holding back
From you
Somewhere in the shadow of doubt
Is that dream
I keep dreaming
I'm reminded of it
When I wake up
Not obvious
Enough to draw attention
I assume you'll assume
I'm being drawn
Near to you

You
I wish you were here .  .  .
We could show them
The real way to love
But you're held back
By the curious wonderings
Or maybe,
By me
Don't let me break your burden through

Something about the vision
Of us and the way
I knew it was you
Keeps me dragged on,
Keeps me unwell
All must end,
You're dying out,
My dear

happiness feels immeasurable
days go slowly but us,
we make time speed past
jokes about misfortune
but it's all fun and games
your laughter fills the hall
it fills me up, too
I'd lie and say I don't know you
never a day passes,
car spoken dialogue.
take me there
just so you can
take me back.
every girl is jealous
every guy wants at least one.
but me and you have got something new
equal and dumb all rolled into one
every adult knows, laughter shows
accepting as you are, coming as I am
debating and fabricating
new ideas and old reasoning
I've never had a friend like you

lacking knowledge of what I am here for
being arrested at the foot of someone else's door

rage sounds throughout cottages
killer fists pass by
illusion of wrap-around porches
steps leading the blind

protecting profits
popping out of the armchair's left
morality looks like me

cartesian dances surround their eyes
cursing makes you credible

reasonable doubt uplifting my heavy head
a conscience too regulatory
it needs the freedom of a summer's way
reassure me of the death I hold dear

whisper, protect it, erase it, my dear...
to which I hold dear, we aren't stopping here
alone yet conceited, revenge in the air
step soft on this ground as you lighten the eyes
a hidden soul, that no one shall know
dead as a Hollywood lie

as you sing me to sleep I will plot the next step
for future days when you say that you'll stay
but leave it all without a word.

holes in the sky that allow for a dream
to creep out and hover when everything seems
to weigh down the night
don't grab her hand tight
'cause we'll faint and not understand why.

you don't know this
i've kept it a secret
but i'm still with you,
you just never knew it.
when i'm alone, i dream us together
eyes closed, hands on my face,
holding each other so dearly.
i wish you could hear the music we make
all the duets i've created
oh, how our voices blend together so seamlessly...
i've told you things i'd never reveal
if you were standing in front of me,
if my image of you were real.
i hope you're never lonely,
but if you begin to feel you are,
simply dream me up and hold my hand,
for i am never truly far.

engaging lucidly to keep you with me
waking, working, no thinking
until dark night arrives
opening my consciousness to be with you

my time is spent in funny ways
my love is spent on solemn Tuesdays
switch my ring, your words still sting
and I'm left to my own devices

you're a color I've never seen before
an act I cannot distinguish
though my love is spent in funny ways
your heart can never hold all of my rage

because what am I to do,
when I wake up with a headache and intent to enjoy
and it's evident in a heartbeat

my violets are withering
my eyes are glazing over
over, begin, what are we to do?

you caught me in the garden of earthly delights
do my words hurt you?
do I make your ears bleed?
well, pleasure is fragile as glass, my friend
cut me, hold me, gut me, woo me

I dreamt before dawn
that I was alive in the drug
and it saddened you
it saddened me, too

a needle through the flesh
just the peak of fascination

Collapse into me and I'll fall down
Beneath you, so you don't hit the ground.

get out of his dreams and get off of his phone
stabilized thoughts that are hard to grab hold of
a secret you know he'd like to take back
breaking the rules so he could be your man
not safe at night cause you're in his mind
not safe in the day cause your name will come up, anyway
a glorious estate filled with rubies and pearls
show him you're alone so he can feel at home
I guess it's okay, this life that's forced on him
for when he gets back, you'll be waiting wholeheartedly
not saying he wants you, not saying he can
but he's sick and delusional
bad vibrations, it's personal
can your ghost only leave him alone?

gutting old women and feeding the homeless
stepping in flies to feel the disgust
scalping a man and without second thought,
she devoured his skin and with the money she bought
a considerable amount of paint to be used
on her town, to cover the crimes and abuse

which night out would best suppress
the draining, helpless, high unrest?
your word beckons a solemn walk
up to your damning throne.

give the girl the last of you
the hardships that they've put you through
for today's the bitter end
to an endless raining sky.

my heart beats like hurried footsteps
upon a chest of grief,
but when they follow you around
and scurry through your hollow traps.

soft spoken murmurs slide in
to invoke horror or darling,
a song
to smear untrue stories or to resist
didn't catch that, honey,
creating a face to match an unfamiliar voice
common issues haunt you
a tack in the side, along for the ride
you get it, I get it, let's get up and go
sleeping late and forgetting your tea I promised so long ago

wrap me in decay
just so I can waste away
in the chill of an embrace
swaddled in forgotten pieces
a memory too gruesome to keep

Remember the arguments
I love watching you cry
I've wanted to touch you, oh, I'd never try
Impulse to cause pain, I cannot deny
All these loving chemicals
Recording a slow dive
I bought death at a carnival stand
I cannot wait to die

that night, we smelled of cigarettes and incense
comfortable in last night's clothes
tied around each other like twine

And the sun went cold,
The day you left me alive.

How could you not take me with you?

How could you leave me to fight this alone?

How selfish an act,
To welcome death alone,
In secret.

everyone assures that I don't understand
but I sure as hell miss you
and I am as sure of us as I could be

I'll wait for you forever
until your plan falls through
and we are forced to face the music

I want you, I need you
I am ready for you and all that you carry
our love looks like a masquerade
but feels overwhelmingly real

to where can I turn, when you're roped off from me?
how can my heart hold on, when you're so far away?
keep me close to your every new thought
if it takes too long, love, forget me not

help, this man is oppressing me!
reducing me to a liver-lobe!
love me, a lobe,
like you've loved your own home.
and retract all your selfish impulses!

oh, hopeless irritation,
comfort the soles of these long-burdened feet
and ****** me in the way of a grown!

mind of an eagle, heart of a rat
confine me and wreck me in the midst of your wrath!
one early bird morning, I lightened the load
I gravitate to the older, the bold...

men ripened with time,
stole the youth from his eyes,
allow me to bring you back down...

all bruised up but I love how it looks
reminds me! rebukes me!
a shattered childhood home that consumed me!

and all along I was searching
for a dampened fantasy,
a boy you cannot dream up -
I'm clenching inside 'cause of arrogant eyes!
I'm surprised, oh,
I am so pleasantly surprised.

how would you feel,
if I brought a girl home,
a talented, young, and beautiful lady
with vicious departments and plain suffocation?
she plays the fiddle,
the fiddle plays her,
cries of discomfort muffled by dreams.

the thing that carries the children through days -
are these deadbeat and techno lovey dance tunes,
they fill painful hours of deprecating division!

help a woman!
help a needer!
fend off the crazy,
come to save the block!

I'll prepare for destruction
a semi-mutual destruction
a love worth a dollar, but that's more than I have!

alternative controls, let's delete this black hole.
let's consider confinement in this earth that we stole.

and firetrucks keep passing us,
eager to fade
fade into danger! I will keep you warm.
warm like a fire,

a blazing house fire.

tiptoe out of the basement
leave me alone, no question
I have nothing to be sorry for
you're stuck in a locked mind
unsteady and ready to be let free
I never want to see you again
dancing lines twisting into a word...
what does it say? what do I say?

closing her eyes and imagine
a violet hazy sky
approaching a foggy pavement
ears covered but the sounds still scream
beckoning and inviting
sounds so tempting... but
as the road curves, she follows
as the words become unfamiliar
keeping her eyes closed

burn proudly, like a cleanse
fill me up with another sense
found another one, a better one
it's all a set-up
I'd like to take the chance for a time
confused even when aware
not enough for me to bear

i can't express in words
what i feel when the sun wakes me up
and i am left in silence, to weep, to be real
i can't think of a good way to say
how i long for an end to each day
to lie in the grass,
cup hot in my hand,
and love far on a whim out at bay
be real to me, darling
i want nothing more
than to sing, to move slowly, to dance in the leaves
something more than a star-glittered floor
and water to bathe in, just warm
i want nothing more than this feeling down deep
in a spot where we keep
the mind-kids, the memories, and every thought lost
secrets leak