I wear my watch on the inside of my wrist keeping time by the pulsing of overfilled veins.
If I'm honest, the seconds pass blurry when you are around, red pounding at the blue surface reminding my life of it's vigorous momentum as the watch face marks it's disappearance.
I can do nothing about it's circular cycle, nor the manner in which I mirror it, recycling threadbare thoughts and feelings in ostensible new purpose.
I am a walking contradiction formed of practical mysticism and coffee stained teeth, spinning poetry from numb fingertips onto the ghosts of birch trees, fleeing from my wildest dreams.
Meet me,
half way between belief and reality at the junction of duality and I'll reveal I have no true identity - no creed no name no history,
only chaotic shifting and angry bumblebees drilling sinkholes for visitors toes to curl into as they fashion temporary homes in me.
I am solar soliloquy.
Astrological antiquity curses me to orbit you habitually.
Eye of the storm, hand of the beast, souls of the many downtrodden and hungry, asking for shoulders to stand upon shaky.
Grant me your three wishes, and I will conjure infinity from our palms clasped tight in secrecy.
Tell me,
neglectful lover,
when did my beauty become a pleasurable void, to be touched
yet left unseen,
when did my spirit become matter
buried under the mind of desire and empty chatter.
Humor me,
say that the meeting of our skin is more than physical proximity say,
that you dream of my flowers growing from your ribcage say,
that the gods granted us an opportunity for greatness,
say that our kiss is a portal to Andromeda and that you could get lost there forever - I know I have.
Yet, even light years away I hear the tick tocking ticktick of my heart bleeding into itself.
I am fleeting.
I am deafening.
I am a forgetful timekeeper,

late to my own re-birthing.

chugging bile and liquor closed eyes smell the innards of a joint wrapped in oilslicked stain shoveling sugar thrice processed into vocal chords left silenced but for the coughing up of shriveled lungs set ablaze to ease the twitching triggered by the mistress doused in white who scaffolds into crumbling nasal caverns to numb the brain that dreams of god in guilty refrain and whips thorny obedience to words siphoned through ghosts of men and obedience to the inflated heads of state and corporate banks who play Skinnard's game and always win millions of yes-men nodding their heads in addiction to artificial green leaves printed with blood and even lovers twirling passion in their beds have their eyes squeezed shut clutching at darkness slick and disappearing at the touch of pulsing fingertips racing to bury themselves in skin and forget the achey organs that lay waiting within weary and smothered from covering up thoughts too sharp to breathe in...

--it's all hide and seek.
running and running and running
from bare and open
vulnerability
shrouded underneath
layers
of reflected identities
and neuro-chemistry
and material fortresses
and snarled teeth
and synthetic bliss
wrapped in bitter bumblebees.

don't you think it's time you swallowed
the wince it takes
to glimpse your fear's shadows?

O child of the sun
landlocked lover of the sea,
do not mourn the death of the day.

The black velvet sky
will wrap you in splendor,
stars adorning your crown,
fireflies spilling from your fingers.

Howl at the moon,
dance and laugh and summon chaos,
remember that you were born
with wildfire in your veins.

I had a dream and
You were chasing me,
I was scared.
I locked the door and
Hid in the closet
You drove the car into the house.
I snuck downstairs while
You rampaged around
Breaking down doors and smashing glass
Looking for me.
I ran down the back stairs when
You were walking up the front
I unlocked the back door and ran
Into the woods behind the house.
I heard you screaming
Mindless with rage calling me
***** calling me ****
I hid behind trees in the dark
There was no one there to save me
And I was scared.
In the end you found me,
And I don't remember
What happened after that.
I woke up sweating and
Climbed in bed with Mommy
You were somewhere else
And I had already forgiven you.
In lots of ways you will always be angry,
Especially in my dreams
Where you chase and I run.
In lots of ways the past is
Always present,
And the time that has passed
Means nothing.
But you are not so angry anymore,
And when you were angry I loved you still
Even though I was scared.

I am twirling under the soft dome
Of a street lamp
Spinning in and out of shadows
At the border of
Can’t quite
Moonless night
Where have you gone,
Second sight?

I am alone now, and happier for it.
When they tell you that you will be happier later,
Do they ever consider that
Trees spin
Chipped chin
Table-spin
On broken limb.

The ground is cooler than
my refrigerator,
and more genuine.

A thousand, mindless bodies
      marching in front of me
on a familiar trail through
      misty, lush forestry
strained backs carrying towers
       of accumulations
free choices made with
       weighty ramifications
at the end of the path
        a ruinous shrine
as old as the surrounding
        coniferous pine
each soul shruggs off
        a singular burden
fulfilling each obligation
        of that holy bargain
now, encircle the tribute
        watch it all burn
stand in ecstacy without
         care or concern
I refuse to join this fever,
         can never be a believer
I accept my ethical freedom
          *my will undefeated