I wanna make a dream
wish to make them true
why can't I close my eyes
As I have bad dream so many times

I wanna be happy
want to have a big smile
how can my face be bright
As I have cried for whole night

Lie next to me on the bed
and lets stare at the ceiling like it's the night sky,
Hold my hand so I don't feel alone, but don't let me go,
or I just might fall back into my head
and get lost again in my crazy thoughts

I haven't wrote in awhile
Bc I've been falling
Scared
Stalling
Wanting more time to analyze why
Why should I give you a chance
You'll just break my heart I know
Bc you're too good to be true
When all I've ever seen you be is you
But it's a you I like
You're that guy
The guy momma tells you to stay away from
Bc he'll make you fall in so deep
And when he leaves your heart will fleet
He'll take it with him and you'll never have it again
Bc he's smooth
Like something out of a story book
He has this way about him that draws you in
He's charming he's thoughtful
With the perfectly planned "good morning texts"
The secret fantasies he evokes about ***
The way he makes you laugh
Oh god I love a man that makes me laugh
The way he makes you smile in the middle of the day
The truth to the words he say
The sexiness his confidence excludes
But you're scared to let him know how you feel
Bc if you want him who else does too
How can I be sure I'm the only one
I'm not i know bc he's that guy
The one momma told me to stay away from
The one who'll only break my heart
The one whose heart I'll break
Bc I've been broken from start
Broke so long ago
I find happiness in emptiness
I find security in not trying so hard
But i can't find love bc I'm scared
Scared I'll give my all and be broken
Shattered
I can't be emotional
Bc I'm not wired that way
Well I am but it's wired deep down
In places no one sees
Bc who wants all their emotions exposed
And vulnerability
Not me
Not me
So I run hoping you set me free
Then I cry bc I don't wanna be let go
No I don't wanna be alone
Even though being alone brings me peace
I crave affection and attention
So maybe that's wat it is
I crave attention that you give
Who am I kidding ?
I know exactly wat it is
I'm running just like when I was a kid
Running bc momma said beware
Beware of a man that can give you everything you need
Beware of that man
Bc everything he promised you
He promises her too
And I couldn't bear it if somebody else knew
He treats me the way
All the other guys won't
He treats me the way I want
So I can break you with a broken me
Don't take it personal
Please don't do that
Bc it'll hurt worse to think I hurt you
When that's not my plan
My plan is to run
Run from a man
A man that can take my heart and fix it
A man that'll fix me and break me again
Bc everything I want she'll see
And he'll get tired of fighting me
For affection
And glimpses into the broken me
He'll see she's better
Bc imma broken heart
Shattered
By a broken man long ago
So when he asks
How do I feel
I never let my vulnerability show
Bc why break another heart
But isn't that how the cycle goes?

It's never just ***
How many times does it start that way
And someone ends up falling
Craving more than just a good time
More than just a broke spine
More than secret meetings
Rushed explosions to ecstasy
No emotions
Just rough hard one goal in mind
Then it becomes more
You want slow,****, take your time
All night staring in their eyes
Intimacy in the purest form
My hip aligned to your spine
Or your hip aligned to mine
You want more than I need release
You wanna be the release
You want control
You want that hold
Just *** could never give
You want lets actually make a kid
Not **** the ****** broke
**** I nutted in you
**** wats the plan
Plan B is all just *** can give
But pure intimacy gives slow ******
Non stop until you're bearing my kids
Added pleasure bc the love is real
Not just *** and I gotta dip
Don't fall for just *** bc he's fine
And the way he works the **** like he's dying
Like you're the last piece of ***
He'll ever enjoy
Like **** I love this boy
Just *** only ***** your mind
Puts you in places and positions you can't deny
To love but does he love you
Bc just *** got wat he needed
And leaves your heart bleeding
Bc your falling
When just *** was really the plan
So baby close   your legs and find a real man

How can I move on?
Jus how when I fell hard for this boy
This boy that irritates me
This boy I think about all the time
This boy that infuriates my mind
Engulfs my heart
Captures my soul
This power he holds
And he doesn't even know
This love I feel
Can it be real?
It can't be
Because it hasn't been that long
When I meet you and I melted
Your smile lured me in
Your humor stole me away
Your love I so crave
I wait and wait
Patiently
Silently
I wait
Everyday
Wondering am I not enough
Maybe I'm not
Because I thought I was
I thought I gave u my love
My good stuff
I tried to make u feel like a man
My man
But you was jus playing
Right play me was the game
But how can I believe that
When I feel something with you
And I know you feel it too
I know you feel when we make love
Feeling high as the heavens above
Or maybe I'm obsessing over you ***
But no no it can't be that
Bc I crave you in ways
I haven't craved another man
I crave your mind
The very essence of you
I crave your soul
Baby I jus crave you
Every flaw I hate
That drives me insane
I crave your happiness
I pray you succeed
I crave your love
I crave bearing your seed
I don't know its crazy all this love for you I have
But everyone says I'm crazy
Or Lusting
Because you give me things I never had
But honestly the ***
**** it's good
It's life changing
My emotional high
My feeling of desire
And ******* you for days
And oh baby the ways.
The very ways I wanna *******
You can't begin to imagine
So maybe it's lust
Bc I jus want u
Bc no one knows how to make me feel good but you
But I know it's not the ***
Bc the *** is great
But **** baby it's you
I can't explain it
But it's you
Everything about you belongs to me
And i don't know why and how but it does
I want you for myself
And it makes me hate me
Because you make me weak
A **** fool
A fool for you
So every night I pray for strength
The strength to not crave this boy anymore
The strength to move on
The strength to not let his smile
Break me down
His dimpled smile that caught my heart
So I'll jus play this part
Boy breaks good girls heart
It doesn't restart
Bc she can't move on
But when she does
Boy falls apart
**** another broke heart