It felt to wrong to listen to those songs with you last night.
We’ve both changed so much.
But I feel that I’ve shrunk
rather than grown.

When we first met I loved people
and hated myself.
Now those feelings have inverted
and I live in a constant state of bitter narcissism.

I miss the poems I used to write you
The ones that rhymed and were ignorant to pain
Written in neat handwriting
a parallel to how I saw the world.

And I still love you
I just don’t understand
how the same love can still exist
between two different people.

And it breaks my heart
that the boy who
made me avocado and peanut butter sandwiches
and took me on a picnic in his backyard
doesn’t exist anymore.

Just like I’m sure that
it breaks your heart
when you remember the girl
who would ride bikes to the park with you
after school on Tuesday afternoons.

I'm not sure if I'd rather
live in that world of innocent love,
or move our hearts forward
into an unknown territory
filled with the possibility of separation.

Ive watched you grow and retreat
Ive seen the waves come close
And get ****** back in
I've watched the green dance with blue;
The combination of salt and air,
That soothes the rough current.
You’ve come close and pulled back,
Swallowed me whole and spit me out.
But no matter where the tide may go, the salt is always its product,
No matter how far you get from the shore,
The current will send you back again.

As the sun smirks.

Making love in first light,
Softly, she flowers and quakes—
Ripples on still pond.

Expressing myself
frightens untapped happiness
stolen by regret.

A big ball of fire,
Always spreading warm sunshine,
To light up dark days.

**~Marian~