i wished you saw me.
the way i saw you.
and i couldn’t believe you didn’t see
how it hurt, how you turned me blue
but my love was always true.

the way you laughed, the way you talked
was music to my ears.
even small things, like the way you walked
made me feel as if I could conquer all my fears,
but now all of it brings me to tears.

because you didn’t feel that way
you never looked at me the same
you rolled your eyes at everything I would say,
my voice was loud, my shoes were lame,
and i was always to blame.

i tried to fight
for us, because i cared
but you always had to be right.
you just could not have bared  
a compromise, we could have never shared.

i cried when i told you that
i couldn’t do it anymore.
i looked where you sat
and realized you walked out the door
and you left me and my heart on the floor.

it took me too long
to look back and see
i did what i could, you were in the wrong
i smile as i realize i am finally free
because now i know it was you, not me.

you were with her
the night we kissed.
you two were together
and I knew it too.

i don’t know what I expected
maybe for you to realize how
we were better together
and that we could be happy.

i thought about that kiss
for days, weeks,
months after it happened.
but I know you never did.

it’s difficult
thinking of you
with her
and happy

it’s not that I don’t
want you to be happy
I do.
I just wish it was me who made you happy.

thinking of those long summer nights
when we were together
in a room full of people
but it always felt like just us two

I know it’s my fault
I should’ve said something
done something
to show you how I felt.

but now I sit in the same room
tank tops have turned to jackets
flip flops to boots
and you’re with her, not me.

I steal a glance
or maybe two
and you’re smile
makes me break.

I wished upon a star
last night, when I should’ve been asleep
I wished to be where you are
and for your heart, for me to keep

but when I awoke
you were not around
a few tears I had to choke
at the disappointment I found

so on night number two
I wished on the moon
I said I would do anything I had to do
for you to get here soon

you can imagine my dread
after a week without you
you’re still in my head
but my wish still hasn’t come true

so I decided to wish upon the sun
maybe that’s what I need
I said “please grant my wish, I only have one”
and for another hour I continued my plead

I couldn’t believe when
the next day, there you were!
but someone else must’ve been
wishing, because you were with her.

the way you say hello
makes me yellow
your cheesy grin and wink
make me feel so pink

my heart that you steal
it feels like teal
i swear it should be a crime
the way you make me feel lime

how you make me swoon
feels like maroon
and your hand i get to hold
makes me feel like gold

but talking to you
can make me feel so blue
the words that you said
burn, bright red

what I’ve just seen
makes me green
seeing you in this light,
has turned me to white

when you left that day
it made me gray
i wish you’d come back
because now all I feel is black.

i used to think of happiness
as a destination.
some place you got after
working really hard.

you might have to endure a lot
to get there
but once you arrived you realize
it was worth it.

it took me too long
to see
happiness isn’t a place.
it’s a feeling

and if you get absorbed in
the idea of finally
reaching a point where you’re always happy,
you never will be.

looking back on pictures
the memories and moments
i swore I’d never forget.
all gone, all distant.

i smile when looking,
remembering the events of the day
or the time in my life
the picture took place.

but i don’t remember the joke that was told
that caused us to laugh hysterically
until we cried
and retold the joke for the next week.

i don’t remember the emotions i felt
moments before the photo
that i’m sure weighed on me
that entire day or week.

i can’t recall the song
we were singing and dancing to,
screaming at the top of our lungs
as the flash went off.

i'm not sure how long it took
for us to arrive at the destination,
or who complained the most
on the drive back home.

i wish I could capture everything from those days,
from those moments we already lost.
because now all i have is the cover of the book.
but when opened, there is no story to be told.

isn't it weird
how you can be in a room
full of people
and feel utterly
and completely
alone

i should be sleeping
it's 2:52
i shouldn't be weeping
or thinking of you

i can't help it
though i wish that i could
so here i sit
and i wish that you would

come over and tell me
you can't believe you didn't see it before
you realized how happy we could be
we'll have everything and more

but that's all in my head
i'm far too late
i lay back in my bed
and try to fall asleep at 2:58

sometimes
i try to forget about all the bad things inside my head
and i focus solely on one thing
like sports or work or music

but then
when my team loses
or my shift is over
or the song ends
i break down
and i cry
and cry
and no one understands why

but that was all i had
that was the only thing keeping me standing

it *****
not being with you
and everyday
i have to tell myself
to move on


hopefully one day
i will

through thin and thick
you've always been there
so now, when i find out you're sick
it seems to be more than i can bear

you say everything will be fine
but i know you're just trying to be strong
thinking of others feelings, especially mine
i'm hoping that you are not wrong

please, just be okay
it's all that i ask of you
i wish there was something i could say
i wish there was something i could do

it ***** not to be there
it hurts me in every way
it *****, it really isn't fair
but please. just be okay.

how are you supposed to feel
when you get
the worst news
and the best news
in the span of
five minutes

lately i've been
dreaming about you
a lot.
every time
i close my eyes
i see yours.

i felt it immediately

my jaw dropped
my hands froze
my heart sank

i had been in denial for days
saying that it couldn't be true
you could never hurt me like that

i feel so dumb
thinking of how oblivious i was
how safe i thought we were

because at 8:04 pm
you broke my heart

seeing you
makes everyday
the best day ever

what do i have to do
to be the one you want?
should i buy something new
and wear it just to flaunt?

should i write you a song
and sing it outside your door?
i'll sing it all night long
until i can sing no more.

should i buy you some food
from your favorite place?
will that put you in a good mood
and put a smile on your face?

should i take you out to dance?
we could dress up real nice.
i'll show you that romance
will come at no price.

should i just tell you
how i feel?
the thing i'm most afraid to do.
but i want you to know my feelings are real.

so please, just tell me
what i have to do
i promise, you will see
i'll do anything for you.

he was like a cigarette

bad for me
even though it feels good
and i knew i shouldn't
but i took a drag

and just like that

i'm buying packs
every other day
and smoking whenever i can
i feel my lungs
crying and begging me to stop

but i can't
i can't stop
i can't stop loving him

he was the kind of dream
that made you want to
stay in bed forever
even after you woke up
just thinking about it
over and over again

the stupid smile
that lands on my face
at the mere thought of you
i wish i could control it
and tell it to stop
but only you could
do that.

when he kissed me
the other night
the only thing i could think
was how much more
i wanted to be kissing you

he was as bright as a star
he spoke endless dreams
he walked like the ocean
he smiled sunshine
he laughed like a bonfire
he dreamt in colors
he adventured like summer nights
his scent a field of daisies
and his warmth as soft as a puppy

he was everything
and more

i wonder if i ever catch your eye
when i put makeup on and really try
do you ever look at me
and just love what you see?

do you smile after you see me walk by?
do you hope that i'll never cry?
i wonder because when i think of you
i'm thinking of all these things too

i think about how you smell like rain
you and your smile are always on my brain
after i see you and you stop and wave
it makes me unbelievably happy, your attention is all i crave

i think about if you came over to my place
it makes me blush and my heart starts to race
it drives me crazy how much i think of you
i wonder if you ever think of me too.

the thing about love
is you don't realize
until you do.

and once you do
it's all you do.

he was a raindrop
that ran down your windshield
beautiful, but elusive
always in a hurry
and gone too soon

my highs are so high
unbelievable
and truly captivating
they almost make me forget


that my lows
are
so
low

sometimes when
i listen to love songs
i think of you




okay i lied

i always think of you

i used to be the girl with brown hair

i smiled a lot
i mean, why not?
that's what i thought.

i used to be the girl with blonde hair

blondes have more fun
everyday i got my nails done
and always felt like i won

i used to be the girl with black hair

i started feeling sad
for some reason my thoughts became bad
and i missed the old feelings i had

i used to be the girl with brown hair

i changed it back
no longer blonde or black
but happiness, i still lack

i am the girl with purple hair

when people see me they stare
they think i did it on a dare
they don't know how rare
happiness is for me, they can't compare
all they see is my purple hair

i found a penny on the ground
yesterday at eight.
the night was quiet, no sound
as i took the bait.

i picked it up and said
"it must be my lucky day"
the confidence got to my head
as i went on my way.

i saw that boy, my crush
and he looked at me and waved.
i felt my cheeks start to blush
and that moment i saved.

i got home and saw my test
was finally graded online
i looked and saw i did the best
i had ever done. the "a" was all mine.

my friend called to tell me
she got tickets to my favorite band.
i smiled and screamed with glee.
then giggled and covered my mouth with my hand.

i couldn't believe what my lucky penny did for me.
a good day like this was so rare.
i was surprised when i checked my pocket to see
the penny was never there.

i think its pretty funny
how the poems i hate the
most
are usually the ones that
succeed the most.

i want the ability
to say things that are on my mind.
not just random thoughts or small talk.
i want to say the things that i actually think about.

i want to be able to say how i'm scared
that i'm going insane and i don't even
know it, but even if i did, there is nothing i
could do to stop it.

i want to be able to say how i don't believe
that eternal love exists because no matter
what, there will be a point where you are
torn apart by the things that brought you together.

i want to say that sometimes i cry because i feel
so lost all the time and i don't feel like anyone
can understand that the way i do, because i just
feel alone all the time.

i want to say i think it's ******* that we have to
spend so much of the little time we have
doing things that we hate and the only
response to that is "that's how the world works."

i want to be able to say that my family is
falling apart and that is tearing me apart and it
drives me insane that the rest of the world can go on
exactly the same while my world falls apart.

i want to say how i feel about people.
how i really feel. no *******. just honesty
and have them say how they feel about
me so i don't have to always wonder.

i want to say that i wish i was in love.
that i wish i wasn't scared to fall in love and let
someone in and scare them away by these
thoughts that control my mind.

i want to be able to say all of this
instead of having to write all of it
down in a poem that no one will
ever know about.

i'm trying to better myself.
sometimes it makes me feel great.
i think of all the things i'm going
to accomplish and do to make
me a better version of me.

but other times i get really down
and i can't find the motivation to
do anything. anything at all.
i feel useless and sad and dumb.
and i start from square one
all over again.

i don't blAme you
for wanting to do
things without me

lateLy it's just
that when yOu're
goNe
i havE nobody.

the feeling you get when
you wake up really early
and drive with you friends
to the water to watch
the sunrise
and even though you woke up
at 4:30 am
you are not tired
because at the moment
all is good

i'm tired of telling myself
"it will get better"
because i'm starting to live for the future
while the present just washes by
and i don't want to look back
and wish i just lived in the moment

keys
homework
wallet
studying
phone
plan ahead
cherish the moment
good memories
what life used to be like
the smell of your jacket
happiness
you
us

i left home
or at least the place i'd always called home
it's been almost 6 months
i love the place i'm in right now
but somethings missing
i don't know what it is
but i know there's something that's just not there
and now i don't belong where i came from
and i don't belong here.

i'm a prisoner, held captive
everyday the same routine
dreaded to this fate that i have to live
since the day that i turned fifteen

no i'm not in jail
my prison cell is not something that can be seen
there isn't an amount of money that can pay my bail
realized that when i was sixteen

people ask me whats wrong
why i always look so mean
they said i needed to appreciate it because it won't be long
until i'm no longer seventeen

they don't understand how i feel
they think its just a lack of sleep, that i need some caffeine.
they don't get it, don't think it's real
i completely fade away, at the age of eighteen.