The unhappiness you're experiencing right now comes down to allowances.
The allowance of negative thought to entertain your mind.
The allowance of idleness.
The allowance of making choices against happiness.
The allowance of negative people.
Mostly it comes down to the allowance of time given for anything that will eventually cause you pain.
The same allowance can get you joy and satisfaction.
Salvation of time.
Make the right choice.

A waking moment, when eyes first open.
Like a newborn experiencing sight for the first time.
Blinding curiosity illuminating a fight for understanding.
Pure at first, as each new sensation overwhelms the senses.
As each new day comes and goes,
turning into weeks,
months,
and years;
shaping our perspectives.
We slowly lose that sight we once had,
a forceful forging becomes of us.
Is who we are simply what we've seen?
It seems as each clip of life is impressed upon us,
we become less individual in the since of freewill,
and moreso as a carbon copy of impulses and reactions.
Lessons of life are gained after rigorous testing of wills, fates and virtues.
Mistakes as high as moutian peeks can be reached in moments,
Whilst the treck down seem to never end.
Lost deep in a forest that repeats itself,
over and over leading back to that peak.
Within these trials of heartache, triumphs, and shame.
When does redemption come to save our souls?
An awaking moment, when eyes first open.
Like a newborn experiencing sight for the first time.
Blinding curiosity illuminating a fight for understanding.
An understanding beyond the senses,
beyond what can be seen and felt thru this battle life creates.
A struggle for redemption for what has been seen and done,
in the moments before these eyes had true vision.
A redemption that is dreamt with open eyes under sunny skies,
and soundly under starlight; but it seems sometimes as tho,
no matter the destination desired for that clean slate in life,  
I find myself fixed, like a switch on the wall.
As tho we can be empowered, only to be turned off.
Is the desire for redemption caused by switching on,
and rewarded by flipping back off with oblivious eyes?

My best friend is killing me within each and every breath.
Since I was just a child it's been planning on my death.
So long as I recall it's been the only friend around,
Taking all my stress and always there to calm me down.
So many friends have come and gone alike with all the years,
So many times to pick me up and help me fight my tears.
Had I known the fight, I'd take back every strike and strife.
Escaping every anxious moment isn't worth my life.
Eighteen years has come and gone and now I'm twenty-nine.
And death should be my strongest vice to get you off my mind.
And still I sit with you my friend these days make me regret,
The moment I decided to light up that cigarette.

I have an undieing urge in life to roam.
An overwhelming desire to experience, and explore, but I feel so confined by city walls.
As tho I'm bound by stirrups of hollow currency and debt I didn't ask for.
Psychologically enslaved, driven like a power horse towards false dreams of open pastures,
herded by the motives of others prosperity.
Where is that life that was intended for me, it seems the very sense of freedom is bought and pacification is all they really sell.
Like a dream chaser, I say to myself, one day.

If all were created,
before a finger lifted,
all'd be done...
Before a single word be said,
Every creeping crawling thing'd be dead.
No speaking laws, or slaughtered alters,
Or sacrificing ****** daughters.
No ill lessons, of omnipotence,
Omnipresence or deviance,
The vastness of life and time,
Are much too large, to be defined,
By one who's greatness greater than all,
To know we're here, or rule at all,
It's too far fetched to believe it's true,
There's one above, all around, watching you.
And say a god of sorts is real,
Say christ is god what would you feel,
To know his book is spoken true,
To be applied in all you do,
Word for word and verse by verse,
Forever there to be rehersed,
With jealousy and angry might,
His reasons are, beyond our sight,
His omnipotence we can't define,
His intelegence, beyond our mind,
******, ****, and slavery,
plagues and death, so hard to see,
The fact he made this all for us,
From each bright star, and nucleus,
just to cast us in a pit,
A fiery hell, a suffrage.
None of it, It makes no sense,
And think most don't believe in chance.
Now close your eyes, and just believe,
Blindly follow each page you read,
For faith is something you must have,
To not see past this broken path,
Of lies and hopes in false intent,
It's god who man came to invent.
Here's a law he wrote himself,
One of ten, to show us help,
And thou shalt worship one alone,
But now there's christ who claims his thrown.
A contradiction from the start,
O how this truth broke my poor heart,
He created all in just six days,
A sabbath rest I'm so amazed.
A day to gods a thousand years,
So look at this, And shed no tears,
He made us in all knowing ways,
But so confused within just days,
He changed his mind, his laws and story,
Then sent one down to claim his glory,
Then Lucifer, what was the point,
His purity, god did anoint,
Then jealousy and pride bestode,
But then again god had forebode,
Let alone freewill was not,
An angel had no choice to taunt,
Made to fill specific needs,
The devil had no other deeds,
God knows all, from start to end,
So if he's real, he's not a friend,
He doesn't love, or know all,
Or have salvation, when we fall.
A deity he is not,
Especially with how he taught.
There're better ways to plan a path,
Simplicity is easy math,
But who am I, I'm just a man,
Created by his clumsy hand.

I could tell you of a story, of this flower that I saw.
Growing in a little crack, this flower had it all.
It's beauty got me thinking, how ****** we forget.
It isn't where we come from, it's that we never quit.
The struggles that this flower faced, no quiver nor a fall.
It rose above the chances,
through this crack that was so small.
The only will was life, and the chance that it may "be".
Exist in ways intended, and truly live as free.
This dandelions beauty, gives me the strength to know,
content with where I'm rooted, 
 and will to always grow.

Mysterious shadows on the wall.
Silhouettes detached from their source.
Just a void of light.
An outline often depicting,
the same that could be said
about some of us.
Detached from our source,
void of light.

At the moment,
she's present,
just not in the present moment.

Do night skys not liken to the shimmer of her eyes?

Do the gardens of Eden not bloom in the presence of her beauty?

Do heavens angels not fall
just to hear her sweet goodbye?

Yet her lips press softly upon mine.

All of life
Is confined within a single moment.
Despite that as it may sound
so small or insignificant.
It's indeed profound and eternal.
I imagine many that have come and gone,
in search of purpose and meaning,
over looked the simplicity of lifes beauty.
That is to simply exist.
Enjoying the whoas and woes,
the sinkings and risings,
as the tides of life come and go.
Not fighting or subduing
what is or isn't meant to be.
Complacent, content, and cohesive,
Just as the matter that forms us all.
Because ultimately,
nothing matters at all.
So here we are,
existing.

It's instinctual
To want to look away
Once contact is made

Often it's what I do
Impeding anxiety
That they may first
(look away)

I want to peer deep
Beyond the ambiance of your blue
Connecting to within, you

It's not what I see
But what I feel
Pith to crux
Eye to eye

I'm not a wishful thinker,
but with the cold reality,
faith seems to be the only warmth in life..
Then again I'd rather be cold than lie to myself.

Once we were both peasants
With my intent to be her knight
With haste I crowned my queen
As her king she'd rule my right
Yet now her noble jester
I've performed with all my heart
With hope I'd be an equal
Though a pawn right from the start

Sometimes,
There are no lyrics for this song inside my head.
so it's best sometimes expressed in my own words,
instead,
of using others expressions, mine's as well,
so I'll place each word on these lines as my pens,
compelled,
to try to draw exactly what I want to show,
so please keep up and follow if you really wanna,
know,
or shake your head and smile, or simply just pretend.
imaginations greatest when you're only playing,
 friend,
is what you call yourself, in times that you need.
not exactly being one within your selfish,
 greed,
is what I'm seeing now as I begin to speak,
listen to me dearly now my hearts becoming,
 weak,
is what you call me now within my time of need,
friend is who I tried to be when your hearts who I,
 feed,
me full of ******* with your insincere concerns,
cause in the end I'll be here as this bridge you try to,
 burn,
it all away and stand there sifting thru the ash.
I tried to ***** the fire as you quickly stuck that,
match,
me with intentions and perhaps you just may see,
that life can be more meaningful without some,
 fallacy.

Primordial network,
networking mycelium,
mycelia working,
working primitively,
primitive connections,
connecting chemically,
chemical reactions,
reacting pleasantly,
pleasant visuals,
visual enhancements,
enhancing hallucinations,
hallucinating vividly,
vivid reality,
reality bending,
bending light,
lightly colorful,
coloured full,
fully spiritual,
spirit elevated,
elevated God,
Gods flesh,
flesh Devine,
Devine mind.

I am greedy,
Greedier than greed,
Motive lies,
Behind each deed,
All I do,
That motivation,
Is to,
Receive,
One thing,
It's behind,
My being,
My smile,
My hello,
All my well wishes,
It's all that I know,
It's my worth,
To me,
It's first,
More than gold,
It cannot be,
Bought,
Stolen,
Or sold,
It is very rarely,
As it seems,
And when it's not,
It plagues me,
It's my own,
Heart disease,
I do not disagree,
I deserve this,
With all my greed.

Imagine grass,
tall bright green grass.
Each individual blade,
Swaying freely in everlasting fields.
Harmonious, peaceful, simple.
Now imagine,
a lawnmower,
loud,
demanding,
ruthless.
cutting down,
grooming,
and controlling the grass.
No more does it sway freely.
Religion is my lawnmower.

Impetuously copacetic,
as a zephyr to the soul,
with chills she'll send,
feels good till end,
but soon you're left there cold.

My leaves have fallen color gone,
this season sings a sorrowed song.
Each branch and finger lingers bare,
where once a luscious life was shared.
With every breeze that passes thru,
within cold nights of bitter blue,  
and as each leaf makes it below,
this truth in life feeds me to grow.
I'll sit and wait,
fight thru
the gloom,
cause soon
I know new
life will bloom.

It seems as we get older, a piece of us gets lost.
Desires fill our hearts, it seems those pieces are the cost.
What must we do to find them, or fill that broken void.
Do we ever get them back, or are they just destroyed.
As age creeps up, and time ticks by, and awkwardness begins,
It's hope I find a heart like mine, who's pieces just fit in.

Most relationships seem so lifeless, just floating along aimlessly. Down desolate mundane oceans. Destined to be consumed by the dark fridged depths we call love.

I relish the best in you,
Endured the worst,
Now you're gone,
My love's dispersed.

Hearts perish for the devil,
For heavens in her eyes..

No depth,
you're hollow,
you're empty inside.

It's no wonder you wallow...
Society has you,
you're destined to follow.

Adrift and aimless,
pathetic and nameless,
you're not even shameless,
with shame you're aware,

but you're not..

You can't even care you're so self diluted,
you're blind as a bat,
and your conscience is muted.

Let's hear you refute it..

Despute it..

It's all just a game, I know.
Another song and dance to show.

I'm not impressed.
Not in the least.

I get it.

Lifes your buffet,
and it's all you can eat,
but retreat,
and know I'm no feat,
I repeat,
you will never defeat,
with a virtue to cheat.
You're merely transparent with all that deceit.

One heart,
born in whole,
Free from all captivity.
Not a slave,
nor care,
Beating for one,
Myself.

Two hearts,
one of the other,
made to feed and grow.
Beating for me,
Mother.

Torn hearts, inseparable, separated.
Lost to the world,
by choice of deception.
The curse begins.

The seeking heart,
Beats for another.
One piece lost,
Destined to recover.
Absent of nurture,
Wicked, wicked,
Stepmother.
Repelled, repulsed, shamed.
Uprooted,
over and over again,
Homesick.

Adulthood,
weirdness and awkward.
With a childs desperate heart.
Hopelessly hopeful,
Helplessly lost.

Found love,
Beautiful love,
lasting love.
My lover,
Deception, infidelity,
Another piece lost.

The cycle continues.
The seeking heart,
Desperate to replace,
What was lost long ago.
Ten times over.

Realization, awakening, awareness.
This piece left,
Peace of heart,
Beats for one,
It's my own.
No longer captive,
Nor a seeking slave.
This last piece,
Freed for me.

There's an apple in a tree that I want so miserably
and I jump and I climb, but I just can't seem to reach,
and I know everyday that the tree's a lil taller,
but that apple is so red and it isn't getting smaller.
So I try even more and I give it all I've got,
while I imagine how it'd taste and I know it'd hit the spot.
Then one day the apple falls upon my weary feet so tired,
just to hold it in my hands only to find it had expired.
It is then I look around
just to see how easily
it'd had been to take a moment
and see other apple trees,
because I've been within a forest
and my stomach had deceived me
and my eyes they had ignored it,
just to get that one to please me.

I don't think of you anymore...

Except for when I close my eyes,
you fill my dreams..

Before I close my eyes to dream,
it's only you for my heart screams.

No more than that I do assure,
I've finally rid you of my core.

Except my day,
here and there,
your smell,
a sound,
a touch,
I swear.

It's easier,
aside all I've said,
you're no longer here,
not in my head.

Besides the morning when I wake,
my heart it quakes,  
please take this ache.

I know I lied..

I cannot deny..

You're locked forever inside my mind.