you have heart, you have brains
with lots of pains
my heart fills with pains,
you make me happy and my heart shiver and here it is
on the plate, to you my heart deliver
cutting into little pieces
each of every species

that I have come to absorb. . .
in my own way to share the smiling graces. . .
anticipating life in its pace. . . .
until we came together
brought by faith, love with our embraces

when love was still. . . .
I came to feel. . .
The stinginess of sorts. . .
How I am for this world or anyone to see. . .

And how I saw some others. . .

They had heart, they had brains. . . .
With lots of pains. . .
My heart they filled with pains. . .
They made my heart happy. . .and then shiver, now here it is. . .
On a plate, my heart to them deliver. . .

Cut not into pieces. . .but in whole, as from my life they never stole. . .
But I was stalled. . .From you. . .
For as long as I remembered. . .the truth coming near. . .

I knew what I saw. . .was hindered sometime by fear. . .
What everyone’s projecting. . .gossip of the sorts. . .
Made my ship leave them ****** ports and set sail to sea. . .
Where I dreamed of sorts. . .

I dreamed of soaring like a seagull. . . .
. . . .oooooo sooooarrring free from sorrow. . . .
Landing myself. . .next to you. . . .
After my endless cries. . .my head never lies as I found of the moment. . .next to you. . . .
Oooo how long my heart raced through endlessness. . . .

You are my heart and upon it
I have etched my secret hopes for you:
My hope that you burn brightly, and long—
That your most heartfelt desires lash themselves
Upon the winds of passion
And that your heart’s love flows
Out of eyes and mouth to the tuneful ears
Of those who surround you.
That hope survives and blooms in the inclement weather
Of disappointment—
That you find and etch your secret desires
For your own child—
And that when I am gone,
That in a flowering corner of your soul
That you feel my love for you—


Copyright/All Rights Reserved Audrey Howitt 2011

That kind of day where I can
stare at a blank wall for 30 minutes,
and never not have a random useless thought.

I can sit in a chair, half asleep,
half awake and just pretend to be alive while
I exist in the confines of my brain. It's a blank
day. A day where nothing happens. A day
where I don't feel right, or even
human.

Life, I believe is a journey.
It is a lesson never complete.
Just when you think a sequence is over,
you realize that it is still in motion,
was there all along
and will always be there.
                  I think what I loved most about him
                  was something he made me find inside myself.
                  Something that was always there
                  and still is here.
                  Something infinite.
                  Something fusia and raspberry
                  vivid green
                  and cracked in stone.
                  Something caged
                  yet open to the sky.
Trees can whisper solitude
and roses simper sweetness.
It takes a willing heart
and a good pair of shoes
to learn their wise
and timeless message.
                                    Melt this numbness.
                                    Park my car forever
                                    and stir my feet
                                    through grass and
                                    gravel and damp
                                    earth and road and
                                    every path till my
                                    heart stops and my
                                    breath runs
                                    out.

The sky will turn blood red
And you remember all that has been said
Good and evil all the grey morality
Love and hate and life and fatality
It all flows within and without you
And now there's something you can do
For the end is drawing near
And the air is ripe with fear
Your a light in the dark
Proud and fearsome as a hawk
Knowledge is our key
And it will set us free

Reality bites
       sinks long curved narrow pointed teeth into a daydream
  drags it to the ground, rips away
     flecks of joy flying in all directions
             generous splatters of hope on the wall

and it is done.