I've made this drive 500 times
Often distracted by the finished work day
Or the overcast that's headed towards Beverly Road. 
I'm trying to make it over the tracks again before the next cargo shipment passes through. 
Two things are absolute 
You will be there eagerly awaiting to plant a *****-drenched peck on my lips
And I will down a bottle of wine within the next two hours. 
It never was about the yellow house
Or the crying puppy in the back yard
or the way the wood floors creaked when you woke up early and snuck out for your first cigarette. 
Hurricane season came and went, still Beverly Road remained untainted 
But the passion that pumped through me got carried away in all that rain and yellow was no longer my favorite color. 
After all, you can't make a house a home alone. 
If I had realized how badly the wind had beaten you down, maybe I'd still be sitting in the garage attempting to disguise our discontent
I went back Once
I was trying to sow myself together when I realized for the first time sorry isn't always enough
And there are words I can't cram back into my mouth. 
I admit I can turn into a tropical storm.
I picture you peacefully falling asleep to my thunder
I forget how badly I wanted to set the bedposts on fire with lightning strikes.

Waking up
in arms
that don't fit.

An unfamiliar room
that reeks
of alcohol and sweat.

Clothes scattered
along with
my inhibition.

Their fingerprints
now forever burned
into my skin.

A need
that consumes
absent of emotion.

This part of myself
I carelessly abandon
in bed sheets.

Every day I am told to grow up
Implying they mean to make an immortal child die
As if growing up gives comprehension
on why the sun reflects onto the moon
As taught by Oliver
My child eyes see a universe within the sky
People of self-same age do not fathom
that maturity is not measured in age
Rather a gathering of self-confident knowledge
and spirituality

My angel knew these traits
long before the birth of his being
A naturally wise soul
In a community of people
stuck in an endeavor
to learn purity

Whilst the physical entity of Oliver
is not within physical reach
all must remember
immortal children
with child eyes
never die

I haven't been saturated
in rain for
some time
or bathed in soapy shades
of color -
I haven't touched my hip-
bone
to a ballet barre
or even
talked to my
    mother

I haven't felt the tiny hand
   of a child touch my arm
or ran without the need for speed
    or been to my best friend's
farm

- it happened a few years ago
and I really am not sure why
I fell into a sleepy spell
between now and when you
died -
  I moved to the desert,
and I hardly said goodbye...

It's the hottest place I've ever been,
but that's not what made me dry.

Being a homosapien,
It's a trip my friend.
A little more brain than usual
That we're trying to figure out what to do with.
Letting it have it's way with us.
Believing everything it says.
Figuring out all life's "problems".
Wondering what our purpose is.
Thinking we are separated,
But can't handle being alone.

When you make yourself a victim,
You want to be rescued,
But you need to save yourself
Because only through knowing who you are
Can you know you're never alone.

i am not the remains
of what you left.
i am whole.
i was not left to die.
i am alive, thriving.
i am the flowers that grew from your rain.