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I sit here
Desperately soaking up
Whatever information I can find
I can dig up
I know that I am not meant
To be doing this right here, right now
Yet I continue
I hope that I can take in all of this
That I can find whatever
Little bit
That will help to stop the slight shake
Take away the coldness
Of my fingers


In desperation, I look up similar incidents
That have occurred and I try
To figure out
If there is any end to this sheer insanity
A reason for which
This cursed world doesn't deserve
To end tomorrow

I search, I search, I surf
Trying to find some information
That tells me this world
Is not as cursed as it appears to be
My fingers are still cold
They're still shaking a bit

I am still shocked
I might just be panicking a bit

All I want right now
Is some solution
Some answer
To these rapes that have occurred
I want to be blind again
I don't want to know
That these dumbfoolishdisgusting
men (creatures) felt that that woman deserved it

I need to know that this isn't some god-complex
I need to know that deep inside no one wants to protect them
I want to see them castrated, locked up, executed
I need them to be done away
Because they need to be made an example of

Women cannot step out of their houses
Without being terrified
I am tired of controlling my fist
When someone suggests it was the clothes they wore
That that is what attracted them
I can't stop the shaking
That is attributed more towards anger
Than anything else

I need something done
Our pity won't bring her shattered sanity back
It won't make her ready to trust
Any man ever again
Our pity marches
With candles and tears in our (her) eyes
Will not make her feel anything but
disgust (hatred)
Towards herself

A shattered mind,
An injured body,
A broken trust


She has lost these things
And they
They just seem bent
On blaming it
On scraps of cloth

*(are you ******* kidding me?)
Dedication:
The women who have been through this,
the men who have been through this,
The victims, forced to be silenced
There are people who try to bring you down
Sometimes, they even succeed

They could be anyone-
People whom you nearly entrusted everything with
Everything
And some to whom you did give everything
Each little thing

They tell people those things
You find out one day
When you think things are fine
Maybe you haven't talked to them for a bit
But you think that what you had
Is still there

Then someone comes,
Taps you on the shoulder
Tells you about what they've heard
You stand there
One second, two seconds

You don't allow yourself more

Put on a poker face
Say with a grin,
"Ah, that's all ****"

Refuse to believe it
Till you've confirmed it with them
You've always been stupidly willing
Like that


You'd take it at face value
If they just looked you in the eye
And told you everything honestly
You'd let it pass

Sure, you'd get mad
But you'd let it pass

You're stupid like that

But they don't
You remain stupid
Aloof, mean, hurtful

Brush it off with a grin
Treat them like yesterday's news
Move on to someone else
Shed your literal tears at night
Over a stupid scrap of paper
In black and blue ink
Let it bleed there for a bit

Tell yourself you're fine
Bring yourself down anyway
Pine trees sway in the bitter cold wind,
And Jack Frost has come to stay,
Always to the earth be kind;
Whether at night or day.

Snowdrops awaken from their sleep in a bed of snow,
And bluebells awake with jewels of sparkling dew,
And through the trees sweet breezes blow;
And daisies wake anew.

*~Marian~
When I push you away
it means I want you
When I laugh in your face
I'm feeling for you
When I scream loud
I'm feeling small inside
When I'm missing you
I pretend I'm made of unbreakable pride
The truth is you have me so vulnerable
To an extent I'd never want you to know
and while I curse and pretend to hate
I'm really hopelessly in love masking my place
Even if I need help                                                             ­                               I do

I would never tell anyone                                                           ­                    definitely not my family

Because then I'd be treated differently                                                      ­    with pity "oh, I'm sorry!       .                                                          ­                                                             I didn't even realize!

And I definitely wouldn't have a life then                                                      *like I ever did
I can not stay still.
I'm not of wood
But of water.

If I remain still I grow stale
Become useless to all,
And harmful to those who try drink me.

He tried to hold me back with anger,
With lingering glares
And wolfish growls.

He tried to hold me back with pity,
With new found pleasures he'd never tasted before
With words to prove his mind was similar to my twisted own.

He tried to hold me back with promises,
Of change and getting better
And everything being perfect in the end.

I would not have it.

I am water,
And not meant to be contained.
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