Nothing French but somewhat sensual, surely can't be termed as just a show of friendship
I kept away cause it seemed he wanted more and his eyes spoke of desire buried deep that my smile might have unearthed.

It felt like regret, yearning and fragments of us we forgot to clean up had come to meet
It was a reunion of chaos, torn hearts we hadn't stitched up in time, unspoken feelings bordering on closure

As much as we craved closure, we resisted breaking the last straw and so we walked away from each other, leaving the doors ajar and throwing the keys away as we walked out..
09:15
r3d
18/1/16

I wanted to give my mom a home, one befitting of her love and kindness, one that would resonate her love and generosity one not made of cheap bricks of clay
A home where no rent is paid cause she is the landlady, one that exude class and comfort at any given time of the day
A home whose roof isn't made with thatch and bamboo that is soon to be ready to tinder or poorly baked bricks whose cracks offer shelter to lizards and rodents as they grow older
I wanted to give my dad a house made only of the finest stones and building materials
One whose landscape when you see will take your breath away and with it's exquisite recreational area

I worked hard to make and save money. I toiled and toiled oblivious to when the nights turned to day
So the best architects for the plan and sketches upfront I'd pay, survey and purchase a piece of land without delay

The foundation was laid, the harder I worked the faster I watched as the builders beautifully the edifice raised
And when I took my mom one day so see the level of progress we had made, she wouldn't stop showering me with thanks and praise
For the hard work and struggled I had put in to see
A house so beautiful a home to them was soon to be

I smiled as I inspected the furnished house as I proudly said to myself surely "This would make the best home yet for mom and dad"

Sweetly I slept until a loud noise startled me as I was awakened to the sound of sophisticated guns and bombs
I feared for my life as I clutched my knees with my arms trembling, my eyes closed, too scared to pray
The uproar was replaced with a disturbing silence as morning came and still petrified by fear I knew I had to go check the place where the house I built for my parents stood even though my life I knew I would be risking. Well, if I didn't I'm certain curiosity would have killed me either way.
So I ran out and called out to an "Okada"
He asked where I was heading to and I said Farin Gada
"Farin Gada, yarinya? Ba ki jin tsoron rain ki?" He queried in Hausa
So I explained to him that indeed I feared for my life but just needed to check the new high rising estate around that area if it was lucky enough to go unscathed.
He stared at me with worry in his eyes and motioned that I hop on his bike.
It was still very early when I got there and I jumped off his bike before he even stopped it's engine and ran to the place where the newly built house once stood like a maniac looking around, wondering if maybe I had forgotten the address to the place I had visited regularly in the last two years or if someone had moved it to a more secure location for me. I broke down. My eyes rained as my voice thundered through the rubble.
"Tashi in Kai ki gida" I heard the Okada man call out in Hausa. "Is no sape por this flace yi hakuri"
Reluctantly I got up moving slowly through the remains of my parents newly demolished home staring back at the place even as we rode away. The place I invested years of hardwork in order to see my loved ones lay in comfort as they stay "secured".
I broke down again when I tried to tell mom and dad the news and all my dad said as he tapped my back softly was, "hmmm... Mu Seyil Nen Rit, for it could have been worse but for God"
I had a lot to say but I was tongue tied. Our rent was due the next month with no certainty of a means to raise the money to pay up cause we had finished "our own house" and I had resigned from my place of work to run the supermarket I had opened beside the new edifice.
We had stocked the house with provisions and resources that won't run dry for months to come, everything was smooth and perfect until the terrorists attacked..
We were back at zero with no deed or title to our family name.
I was back to sharing the toilet with the other room and our guests and had to share the compound with our lousy neighbor who claims to be a "Pastor"
Mom's warm and gentle arms jolted me back to reality as she held me and said " we appreciate the time, resources, love and effort you put into this project" I cried out and said " it wasn't just a mere project mama, it was your home! A token of my gratitude for your love and selflessness and all the sacrifices you and dad made to make me what I have become"
I heard her sigh as she lifted up my face so I'd look into her eyes as she gently whispered to me"home isn't where bur who" a home isn't broken by plenty or lack, rumors or wars...
So baby do you know who my home is?"
I shook my head side to side as she continued, "it is you, your dad, your siblings, my grandchildren and all whom I have come to love.
I frowned, a little confused with some many questions running through my mind then she kissed my forehead and said "Ritjimwa, Home isn't a place where your heart leaves even when your feet does; Home is where the heart is and my home, is right here in your heart...
26022014
17:45
r3d

CAN'T YOU FEEL..
The gentle sound of my heartbeat,  suddenly pounding with all the intent of tearing me apart-like a lady having anxiety attacks with no help within reach?

CAN'TYOU SEE
This sparkle in ma eyes, suddenly replaced by the look of fear aroused by images deeply ingrained in my memory, Memories you created that now torture even though you meant them to teach?

CAN'T YOU HEAR?
This melodious tune turned a melancholic symphony created by my wailing n sobbing,caused by a voice once therapeutic now at its faintest sound I flinch?

CAN'T YOU SMELL?
The stench of hatred as from us it emanates and slowly it spreads into ds crowded space we share, as little by little, layers of enmity fills the air we breath?

If all these you knew then your senses would interprete

That at your touch I cower; From a feeling once sweet and tender that now drains every ounce of strength and leaves me without power.
That at the sight of these I choose blindness; Away from the ethereal face that at the sight of, leaves me numb
As to your smell I get nauseous; so nauseous
That I taste the bitterness of heartbreak
And hear the sad music my heart will play at the sound of your heart bidding mine farewell

So please, I humbly plead, let me go!
But if break my heart you must n breach my trust,
Then let all we ever shared be counted a loss and from our memories be swept away like dust,

Please!  Be fair in your dealings with me I plead
Be kind and just...
For this heart has only started to heal,
Please don't let it rot or rust..

-r3d-