my parents said yes to you coming and
staying in our home here because
you would like to take me to a
dance this year.

they said "they won't do anything,
because we'll make her sleep in
her mothers room."
but then they said nevermind because
they know they can trust me.

"you can see it in her eyes, all she wants is kisses.
she's made it very clear what she wants and
what she doesn't," my aunt said, thank god.

and now all i can think about is
us sleeping in rooms right by each other but
not being able to hold one another but
somehow finding a way to make it
be possible at 2 in the morning when
nobody is awake.

god, i miss you.

I know now that there's no time to waste on the past, for the present is right in front of me.

How do I even begin to say I'm sorry?
Amy... What I've done to you
can never be taken back.
You mean the world to me,
and I am so sorry for how awful of a
friend I've been.
I was selfish and I was so sad,
and the one person who was really there for me
was you, and I hurt you so terribly.
What I did is truly unforgivable,
and I will not even dare to ask for your forgiveness,
Because I know I am not worthy.
But I just need you to know how sorry I am,
And how I plan on letting you know.
I'm a ******* awful human being,
And I never would've realized how much I've
Turned to **** if she wouldn't have made me realize what I've done.
I was completely oblivious to the pain I had caused,
and for lack of better words,
I was blind to what I did,
Especially to you.
You were my best friend,
And I'm such a ******* idiot for hurting you.
I'm so sorry Amy. I'm so so so so so sorry.
I will find a way to make things right,
And I will tell you all of this in person.
I love you, Amy. I am so sorry for the pain I have caused.
I know I have made mistakes,
And it's time for me to own up to them.

"Am I the kind of guy you could see yourself having a relationship with?"
I thought for a moment.
I took a deep breath and said the truth.
After all, the truth is all I have now.
"Right now? No. I mean, awhile ago you were the most beautiful boy I'd ever come across. But right now, I can't afford to be in a relationship. At least not yet. Maybe one day I'll be able to see us together like I was able to for so long, but as for right now, I can't even see tomorrow. I hope you can understand that."
"I do. And I just hope you understand that no matter what you say, you cannot scare me away. I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to."*
Oh, my dear, I've been told that far too many times to know that it's not true.

im in a whirlpool of emotions
and i'm not sure whether i should
fight against this current or
if i should just let myself
go.

"It's kinda scary...you're like a pro at this. Do you not mind blood? A lot of it is coming out..."
"No, I don't mind it at all. It's kind of relaxing, if I'm being honest here."
"Sure hope you're not one of those that think that horizontal is for attention and vertical is for results."
*"Used to."

you inched your fingers towards mine
and the rule "No PDA" slipped my mind
and I couldn't seem to help but wonder
what God has in store for us.

i heard it in his voice,
desperation was
seeping from his lungs
through the phone that night.
he wouldn't let me off because
he thought i was going to do it.
i kept trying to reassure him that i was okay
and that i was talking about myself over the
past few weeks and months, not in that
exact moment.

alas, he didn't let me sleep alone that night.
i could hear the desperation in his voice as he
begged me to stay because things will be better one day
and i know they will be, but its just so hard to see sometimes.
i could hear the desperation in his voice as he gave me more reasons
to live as quickly as he could, because i could feel how afraid he was.

he is wonderful, and i am grateful for him everyday.
i don't want him to have desperation in his voice ever again when it
comes to me, because its not fair to him that he has to worry about
someone so broken.

i just want him to be happy, and i want to be there when he is.

I'd give anything to be
Eighteen right now.
To be
Free to
Do as I please.
To travel,
Not only the world but
The secrets within you.
To be able to
Run my fingers through your
Chest hair.
To be able to
Scream your name countless times.
To be able to
Know you in every possible way.

Why is it that I
Always fall for the older guys and
They do the same too?

I'm just trying to
Forget.

"why did you kiss me? what were your intentions? i know how i feel and now you know, so i need to know"

Wait until I fall asleep
I'll be gone soon.
My miseries are endless,
I can't seem to find the moon?

Let the stars come up again,
Tell them that I'm here,
Let them know what's going on,
Just don't tell them what I fear.

Make the sun,
Kiss the morning sky.
The birds will awake,
And they will be ready to fly.

Seems like the atmosphere,
Is drowning in my sorrows.
Don't let them feel my prescience,
Today nor tomorrow.

Let them come and find me,
Show them what you've done.
Maybe then they'll see that,
That they're be no rising sun.

What we had before,
Isn't far away form us.
What you see is love,
A love that you can trust.

I don't need medicine to be okay.
I said.
*right?

When she falls asleep
without you by her side
and you miss her more than
you miss Augustus Waters...
Then you know you're in
Love.

Moving on is rarely never not accompanied by sadness and grief.

she sought Death on a queen size bed

No, not a new teacher crush.
Just a very cool teacher who
wants to understand why
I stare at the walls or
laugh while I cry
or why I feel
the need to
be so
perfect.

when you kissed me it was like i could breathe a bit easier again

I was high for so long
that it was only a matter of time before
I came crashing
                            d
                              o
  ­                              w
                                 ­  n
                                      .

I'm afraid to ask anyone to stay now, because humans are fickle beings. We all eventually leave, it's in our very nature.

The sun goes down,
Another day passes by.
Without him around,
Makes me silently cry.

Drowned in my tears,
Drowned in my sorrow.
I hope it's a better day,
When I wake up tomorrow.

Without his eyes,
I can see fear.
But with them,
I can see clear.

Turning back,
Day by day.
Left or right,
Which is the way?

Letting you go,
Was so hard to handle.
But everyone thought,
Our love was a scandal.

To this day,
I do not know.
Left or right?
Which way to go.

"salvation and damnation are the same thing."

she whispers like the stars
saying an infinite truth
and she kisses like the sun
and endlessly loves
like the moon.

Even though our flower died,
We can plant a new seed in hopes
Of a beautiful bloom one day.

I shouldn't forgive
You, but
I love you
Too much.

poor boy...*
can't seem to get his
wants and needs
s
   t
r
   a
i
        g
  h
t
.

he says he needs me,
but we both know that
I'm just a "want"
and nothing
more.

And today I felt alive.
Like really alive.
Like everything was going to be okay,
Because it will be okay.

"Be mine?"
I asked,
You cringed in
Fear.

"Why not?"
I dared,
"Tell me?"
I quivered.

You sighed,
Looked at me
And said,
"Shh,
         I'm
              Not
                    Worth
                               Your
                                       Love."

rows of strawberries are bleeding like my heart
nothing seems very real since we're apart

Please make love to me.

lies make people cold, hard, and stiff.
they make whole people become broken pieces and
they sure as hell only cause more trouble in this already fallen world.

so don't bother lying because
it'll only hurt you more in the
end.

Maybe I'm
gone.
Definitely
I'm weak.
You
Tell me things I don't want to hear.
So I
Cease your speak.

Your voice
Like velvet
Smooth
Like your skin.

You always find the parts of me,
Somehow you always win.

and it's about that time,
when kisses become not enough
and touching becomes a need
that burns all the way up your throat
and your fingertips yearn to know
the feeling of someone other than yourself.

Of course you would know just how to pull me right back down to Earth.

We sit down
Take notes
And
The copying begins.

I write everything down
Till my hand starts to ache.
I look over at your set
But then back at mine.
The only difference
Was that I didn't have
Her name
Written all over it.
                                                        On the top.
         On the sides.

                          On the bottom.
Everywhere.

torie
Written in hearts and with
Love.

If only you knew that I
Do the same with yours.

sometimes i can still feel your arms around me
but instead of you holding me by my waist
you are now grasping me by my neck
and you are trying to take away what little breath
i have left inside of me.

Please, just push me over the end so I don't have to do it myself.

You make me smile everyday and
I know shouldn't think that this might
go somewhere, but
I cannot seem to not think
about where this could
go.

i can't keep giving someone the best of me just to keep watching them choose someone else.

I want to tell you.
Abuse
Isn't exactly a thing
People should know.
The kind of
Abuse
Isn't really someones
Fairytale way of
Living.
But who says I'm
Living?

I'm completely
Dead
Going in a downward
Spiral
That leads me into a
Dark oblivion.
My breathing becomes
Faster and then
Stops
Just as I hit the pavement.

Glad I'm gone
Or am I?

I can't breathe,
I'm choking on you.