and as I let her go back into his arms, I realized how much I missed you. I watched as they cuddled and kissed, and I realized how much I miss you. I miss nuzzling into the crook of your neck, and I miss the feeling of your lips on mine. I realized just how ungrateful I was for having you, and how I never really thanked you for the wonderful love that we shared. I thought I had while we were together, but did I ever really tell you or show you just how grateful I was to have you in my life? God... I miss you Leigh. I miss you so terribly. but, I've come realize that there are times when I cannot miss you. I can't miss the way you smell or the way you smiled at me that day in the park. I can't miss that day when we held each other in your bed and kissed like we had never tasted a love so sweet before. that was one of the most magical moments in my entire life. I remember that just like it was yesterday. I remember the feeling of your skin on my own and the light you brought into my life. Some days I can't remember if you ever said I was your soulmate, but I always felt like you were. we seemed like we had an unstoppable love, and we hurt so many of those around us when your love for me withered like the rose on my window. but I will never forget you. I cannot forget you. the days I try to forget are the days when I am at my most vulnerable and deeply depressed. I can't seem to forget the way you made me feel, I felt so confident and so sure about everything, especially our future, wherever that may have led us. I wanted to give you everything in the universe, but that wasn't enough, was it? you didn't want the universe, hell, in the end you didn't even want me anymore. some days I convince myself that what you wanted was for me to feel the pain that I caused in the summer, and some days I can remember that you aren't heartless like many believe you are. I could always see you. I have always been able to see you. I know you have a heart, one of the biggest hearts that I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. in this dying world, you were my other half. a part of my soul was given to you, where did it go? did you let that go as well when you left me? But I am whole without you. actually, I've felt more myself now than ever. It probably seems harsh, but it's true. I'm learning how to be more and more true to myself. I couldn't be completely honest with you, there always seemed to be something to hide. not that I had secrets, but that I know that you didn't trust me, so it made me lack trust in you as well even though there was no reason to. but in the end there was. i could feel it. and I asked around and I told a few select people of my suspicions, but they laughed, told me I was being dumb and that I was just being paranoid. funny thing is, I never listened to them. actually, in the end I did. I started to. that's where I went wrong, huh? just a few nights before you left, I told you that I loved you. could you hear my sobs in between? I asked you why and you gave me a measly "I love you", and you said nothing. that's when I knew. God... that's when I knew you were gone. I wanted you to hear my muffled sobs, to know that I cried everyday on from that because I knew you were so far gone. I wasn't enough anymore. maybe if we had learned to be grateful, we could've lasted. or maybe our time was just over, and it's time to move on. sometimes I torture myself with the thought of you and what you have done. but I've done some awful things, and I am truly sorry for how I hurt you. are you worth dying for? I still believe that you are. but not with me taking my own life. no, you aren't worth my own precious life. but what do you deserve? happiness and love in its most purest form. and as much as I wish I could be the one to give it to you, I've come to realize that you cannot get the purest love and happiness from anyone else in this world except for yourself. so I ask anyone who reads this to please realize that you should never let another person be your own source of happiness and love. if you do, you will surely burn each other.
I'm glad you're happy. I'm learning how to be, too. Just know that I am and always will be grateful for the love that we shared.