no, i've never known it, but my God, i surely know this isn't it

When she falls asleep
without you by her side
and you miss her more than
you miss Augustus Waters...
Then you know you're in
Love.

I am the seed in the always dry soil
that waits for the water that'll never come.

I know now that there's no time to waste on the past, for the present is right in front of me.

I'm building a program to your heart
in hopes that I'll get you to restart
the feelings you once had for me
because I surely miss you, dontcha see?

I'm building a program to your heart
because maybe you'll see that from the start
you and I were incredibly close
and that I care about you the most.

I'm building a program to your heart
because I fell for a work of art
The canvas that is you is full and bright
Painted with love, just like the Starry Night.

I'm building a program to your heart
And ****, you'd think I was smart.
But I'm just a girl with a missing component
who misses someone whom she thought owned it.

I'm just so
******* lost.

If this feeling flows both ways?

Behind her heart was a
Raging fire.
It only kept going because
It was constantly getting
Freshly chopped wood
From you.
But from it
You gave her heart
Splinters and
Her heart could only take
So many.
Sooner or later
Her heart will
Burn with that fire too.

without the lights
she cannot see.

Of course you would know just how to pull me right back down to Earth.

i think the worst thing about being suicidal is that
even when you're at your happiest,
the thought of jumping in front of a train
gives you a sort of excitement that you
haven't felt in such a long time.

and in the little time i have,
i write and write and write
and i fill up these notebooks with
apologies and old love letters
and mistakes and regrets and
wishes for the past,
the present, and
the future.

i should probably stop wasting that
little bit of time, i suppose.

hands around my neck
I'm dead, wait...I'm still here and
alas, they're my own.

there was a gun on my table
lying there, silver and charcoal,
begging me to feel it's trigger.
I've waited a long time for this,
but I cannot bring myself to
take the opportunity to
grab the gun and
put it on my
temple and
let the sound ring throughout
the entire universe.

I am surely tempted,
but I have made far too many promises
to let this temptation get the best of me.

I've never loved
So passionately
Before I had
You in my
Life.

I am turning into him.
Not asking yes but just
taking and wanting and
needing
without wondering if
you even said yes.

I should stop because
I care about you so much.
And I don't think that I've ever
loved anybody as much as I
love you...

But it would seem that I am
becoming just like him and
what will stop me?
I am nothing special,
I cannot see why you think
I am worth anything but
you do and I guess that is nice
but I guess I never really thought of
myself as special or the things we do
as special because I'm not special.

You are, but I am not.
In all honesty, I do not deserve you
and yet you stay but maybe I am
turning into him, someone you just
cannot dare say no to and the person who will take everything from you until you have nothing left except your shame and disgust.

I am nothing special.
I am just a girl in love who is
slowly taking the form of her
abusive step-brother.

“Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes.”

I keep rereading your poem.
It's like I try to hurt myself.
I don't know what to do,
My feelings are hiding, stealth.

I was high for so long
that it was only a matter of time before
I came crashing
                            d
                              o
  ­                              w
                                 ­  n
                                      .

“Hate hurts the hater more'n the hated.”

i wonder if my heart will ever heal.
will these heartstrings come back or
is it too last to ask?

I can't breathe,
I'm choking on you.

it had to be Him stopping me,
because what kind of coincidence would it be
that as I press down and wait for my blood to surface,
"Your Grace Is Enough" by Matt Maher starts to play?

i just feel like i don't deserve to live anymore.

my blades are calling, they just want to see my blood pour.

and I know I wasn't meant for this time. But neither were you.

Do you think I'm stupid?
All of your sweet words and
your good morning texts
won't make me want you
more.

and you're a heartbreaker, but I'm not one to be *played

I cannot even begin to describe how free I feel.

In fourteen hundred ninety two
I gave my heart over to you.

I had three lives and you took them all;
you crushed and slashed and watched me fall.

I would sail by night; sail by day;
I used you, my star, to find my way.

My compass, my star, helped me to know
exactly which way that I should go.

I thought you'd take good care of my heart,
but instead you burned it and tore it apart.

Maybe it was love, maybe it was truth,
But all I know is that I fell hard in my youth.

In fourteen hundred ninety two
I did exactly what you shouldn't do.

i'm going to miss those beautiful blue eyes of yours

i remember those 42 lines i made across my skin, and some days i wish to feel them again

Hey,
Remember when we
Laid in bed and
Told each other secrets?
When you told me that
You felt like you didn't want to
Be with her anymore because
Y'all barely talked.
Do you remember when
I gave you his number?
In my mind it was hope and
In yours, well,
I'm not sure.
Do you remember when we
Laughed so hard we cried?
We do that a lot but
I cry all the time.
Do you remember when we
Made a pact?
Not just one but two?
I'm so sorry,
That should've never happened.

If I don't make it to tomorrow, the notebook will be in my backpack.

I'm afraid to ask anyone to stay now, because humans are fickle beings. We all eventually leave, it's in our very nature.

The cuts on my
Wrist
Symbolize the
Monsters in my
Brain.
If I don't get out soon I
Think I'll go insane.

you are my sweet pea
ha, get it?
i think you do,
because you always seem to
get everything.

I don't own you,
I'm sorry that I act the way I do.
I just wish I did,
So I could love you too.

you have brightened up my life, and i am ever so grateful for your smile.

I know I'm not a monster,
I'm just a girl who wants something
That she can never have.
And maybe I can get it from others,
But I do not want any others.
I just want you.

He haunts my thoughts and dreams.
I can barely sleep next to her because
Sometimes he'll come out of hiding
From the back of my mind, ready to play.
I want her to choke me, to put her nimble long fingers
Around my throat and tighten
Just so I can replace the memory of how it felt when
The stench of his sweat and breathe mixed with my pleads
Felt inside of my throat, and how they've always choked me.