I hate looking at you
And
Knowing you're not *mine.

you inched your fingers towards mine
and the rule "No PDA" slipped my mind
and I couldn't seem to help but wonder
what God has in store for us.

and your voice sounds like heaven at 2am, but my darling I must sleep. my mind can't bear to stay awake anymore and I have much to do when I wake up.

Silence
Lets
The
Demons
In.

I'm just
Not
sure anymore.

Daddy,
I miss you.
Alot.

you say you want us to be together but
I just say I want another hit.

You know you're in Love
when someone catches you
looking at her from across the yard
and snaps a photo of you
gazing at her
beauty.

"you're seeing what you want to see"
"no, i'm seeing what's in front of me"

"Why do you have a dead rose on your window?"
It's funny, because out of the many things I have that are either yours or what you have given to me, I kept the rose and a painting you made me. Those are the only two things in my room that I will allow to remind me of a love that once was there, but is now dead, just like that rose. I couldn't say this out loud, but what I wanted to say was that I have this dead rose on my window to remind me that even the most beautiful of things wither and die, and that love is *no exception. It's okay to remind yourself of such beautiful things, but living in a fantasy world does not help to heal, it only makes you delusional. I now know why it's always been so hard for me to live in the reality I belong to, and I think it's time to face it.

my parents said yes to you coming and
staying in our home here because
you would like to take me to a
dance this year.

they said "they won't do anything,
because we'll make her sleep in
her mothers room."
but then they said nevermind because
they know they can trust me.

"you can see it in her eyes, all she wants is kisses.
she's made it very clear what she wants and
what she doesn't," my aunt said, thank god.

and now all i can think about is
us sleeping in rooms right by each other but
not being able to hold one another but
somehow finding a way to make it
be possible at 2 in the morning when
nobody is awake.

god, i miss you.

Wait until I fall asleep
I'll be gone soon.
My miseries are endless,
I can't seem to find the moon?

Let the stars come up again,
Tell them that I'm here,
Let them know what's going on,
Just don't tell them what I fear.

Make the sun,
Kiss the morning sky.
The birds will awake,
And they will be ready to fly.

Seems like the atmosphere,
Is drowning in my sorrows.
Don't let them feel my prescience,
Today nor tomorrow.

Let them come and find me,
Show them what you've done.
Maybe then they'll see that,
That they're be no rising sun.

What we had before,
Isn't far away form us.
What you see is love,
A love that you can trust.

Before her I was a still sea of darkness,
Now I am a sea of crashing waves,
And my beautiful sun is overhead.

Focus on what makes you happy instead of trying to ruin other people's happiness, dear.

No, not a new teacher crush.
Just a very cool teacher who
wants to understand why
I stare at the walls or
laugh while I cry
or why I feel
the need to
be so
perfect.

I became so fixated on the idea of my future rather than enjoying the beautiful life in front of me.*I forgot how to live in the present.

I just wish that I could hear your voice all the time.

you became my lungs
and without you it was so hard to breathe.

You know you're
in Love when
she kisses the
tip of your nose
and you think
that every single
star in the known
Universe was made
in her image.

The sun goes down,
Another day passes by.
Without him around,
Makes me silently cry.

Drowned in my tears,
Drowned in my sorrow.
I hope it's a better day,
When I wake up tomorrow.

Without his eyes,
I can see fear.
But with them,
I can see clear.

Turning back,
Day by day.
Left or right,
Which is the way?

Letting you go,
Was so hard to handle.
But everyone thought,
Our love was a scandal.

To this day,
I do not know.
Left or right?
Which way to go.

your hands on me feel about as right and equally as wrong as my taste for both women and men is.

rows of strawberries are bleeding like my heart
nothing seems very real since we're apart

Moving on is rarely never not accompanied by sadness and grief.

she sought Death on a queen size bed

when you kissed me it was like i could breathe a bit easier again

I shouldn't forgive
You, but
I love you
Too much.

I've drempt of the moment that
You realize the words I write
Actually mean something.
But, in reality
They never really will.

she whispers like the stars
saying an infinite truth
and she kisses like the sun
and endlessly loves
like the moon.

and it's about that time,
when kisses become not enough
and touching becomes a need
that burns all the way up your throat
and your fingertips yearn to know
the feeling of someone other than yourself.

"It's kinda scary...you're like a pro at this. Do you not mind blood? A lot of it is coming out..."
"No, I don't mind it at all. It's kind of relaxing, if I'm being honest here."
"Sure hope you're not one of those that think that horizontal is for attention and vertical is for results."
*"Used to."

"why did you kiss me? what were your intentions? i know how i feel and now you know, so i need to know"

Flashes of you go round and round in my mind--
Wisps of hair and the shine of the moonlight on your skin--
the sounds that escaped your mouth and
the way your back arched in the dark--
Words that you've said, or even lack thereof--
The love that held us together, even when things hurt too much--
And the end... the end where I shook with
sadness and fear of the oblivion that
you threw me into.

Will you remember the tears that ran down my face
and the words, *"Just one day more, please?"

He said that he hopes you burn in Hell,
I told him that all I wish is for you to be well.

"Be mine?"
I asked,
You cringed in
Fear.

"Why not?"
I dared,
"Tell me?"
I quivered.

You sighed,
Looked at me
And said,
"Shh,
         I'm
              Not
                    Worth
                               Your
                                       Love."

I'd give anything to be
Eighteen right now.
To be
Free to
Do as I please.
To travel,
Not only the world but
The secrets within you.
To be able to
Run my fingers through your
Chest hair.
To be able to
Scream your name countless times.
To be able to
Know you in every possible way.

Why is it that I
Always fall for the older guys and
They do the same too?

I don't need medicine to be okay.
I said.
*right?

Maybe I'm
gone.
Definitely
I'm weak.
You
Tell me things I don't want to hear.
So I
Cease your speak.

Your voice
Like velvet
Smooth
Like your skin.

You always find the parts of me,
Somehow you always win.

And today I felt alive.
Like really alive.
Like everything was going to be okay,
Because it will be okay.