If an extensive amount of sadness can create sickness,
then I am on my death bed.
At 7 in the evening,
It creeps up on me when I wish for my thoughts to be most at rest.
My legs and arms are numb.
They only make movements when my entire body begins to ache from one laying position.
My stomach suffers from an obsessive frenzy,
And I begin to believe
that my body is more focused on bringing me pain
than it is working against the pain.
At this point I don't mind.
My eyes are swollen shut from the lack of tears yet
heavy from the lack of dryness.
I have become vulnerable to my demons.
Because sadness can cause sickness and I am on my death bed,
and I don't care how long I go on without food for the mind
and food for the heart.
Because I am on my death bed.

It's natural to be afraid

So step into this

Be terrified with me

i won't beg for your attention
but i will seek love
whether it is from you
or whether it isn't.
i won't spend every waking moment drowning in my sad thoughts.
if I can seek love, I will.
whether it is from
a blade,
a drink,
a smoke,
a person,
or God.
i intend on being happy.

My once perfect world, begins to fall
I miss the days, when we had it all
I miss the day, you said "I love you"
I miss knowing that, that was true.

Are our perfect days, now in the past?
Was that last kiss, our very last?
Do you expect me to still be fine?
Without the best thing that was ever mine?

How will I live without my heart?
You'll take it with you, on the day we part
Without your love, I think I'll die
I've got some rope, now to give it a try...

I remember the taste, of your lips that night
I remember the tears, of our first fight.
Will everything else, fade to memory?
That's not all I want our love to be.

I will never comprehend how someone discovers an abundance of energy through speaking maliciously about other people,
most they don't even know
personally.
I sit and allow the words to fly by my ears,
dodging them,
in hopes that they will not stick.
In hopes that I will not turn into them.
I know I've been the sweet taste in their mouth that they couldn't get rid of at one point.
Although that gives me an unsettling feeling,
I do not care.
But I feel for those who have an infinite place in their mouths.
It saddens me to know,
They are never there.
They are never there to hear the antagonistic words that are being spoken against them.
They are never there to defend themselves.
They are never there to fight back
and
learn a form of control that keeps them from stooping down to where those people swim around
like sharks,
below-sea level.
When will they find vacancy in speaking anything other positive  words that give life,
not death.

the first time we are introduced to new surroundings,
our eyes are wild with curiousity.
the first time we meet someone,
our eyes are starving
ready to devour the very human being in hopes that this someone might finally give us life.

the first time we are introduced to life,
we are anew, we are naive, we are excited, we are not who we are when we start to realize the obstacles that will cross our paths.

After we are introduced to new surroundings,
After we meet someone for the first time,
After we are introduced to life itself,
Our eyes lose their
Curiousity
Excitement
Hunger
and all else.
Our eyes turn stale from realization.

Everything looks hopeful at first sight.


If first glances are what it takes to be overcome with hopefulness, hunger, excitement and curiousity,
Perhaps, it would be most ideal to see everything in the first perspective.