Hands stained red with blood
reaching out touching
only spreading more
Trying to take the pain away
He tries to hold on
only killing more
His fight to live
killing the only thing he ever
truly cared about.
The monster I have become
is the monster you can't see...
...I have failed you

Why do I wish
....
I was
....
dead
....

How many times will I sit here...
...and watch my dreams...
...turn to ash

Before I blow away too

Paradise with out you
Is
Paradise lost

What is worth fighting for
Is there any thing any more
Why does my head say stop
My body so cold, ready drop
The heart saying don't quit
Broken to the end of my wit
What keeps me trying
Then why am I not dieing
My life hangs on a few words?
Before my heart split in to thirds
Crumbling and fading in to the night
Then picked me up, gave my soul flight
The pain I was in, feeling unwanted
My memories leaving me haunted
I cry out needing to feel
My hands shake as if it was real
I gave every thing I had to give
And wanted so badly for this dream to live
I feel deaths head reaching out of the cold
He grips me tight and will not loosen his hold
Then you spoke and I recall
The reason I did first fall
I need to know
I want you to show
It kills me you hide your heart
I grow stronger from it, from the start
"hold me" is that what she said
I am needed, I am not yet dead
I have a little more brave
No, not be deaths slave
Those simple words is all it will take
To hold me together so I wont break

In these moments
Like rain drops
So small
And perfect
I feel safe
Like falling from heaven
I feel the warmth of the summer sun
Drifting and falling in to your arms
A whisper on the breeze guiding me
Endless and pure
The clouds painting a picture in the blue sky
Faster and I fall
With out fear or regrets
The drops falling like kisses on the earth
In these small moments

I had this dream...
...It was so perfect

I had this dream...
...We where in love

I had this dream...
...They put a gun in your hand and pointed it to my forehead

I had this dream...
...They screamed at you until you pulled the trigger

I Had this dream...
...You cried over my corps

I had this dream...
...Before you killed me

I would give my left hand
If I could touch your cheek with my right
Only for a moment

What am I
I don't remember
White knight or Black knight
The builder or destroyer
The champion or the scourge

I sit here asking my self  
"Why am I here?"
Am I the hero or the villain
Good or Evil
The Man or The Monster

I don't want to make hurt any one
But it is what I do
The light or the dark
The hand to lift you up or the chains holding you back
The shield to protect or the knife in your chest

Only time will tell
What I am now

Revolt when
I ask you for
help

by the way
I am here

by the way
I know it hurts

by the way
I know it is hard

by the way
I wish I could fix it

by the way
I never left

by the way
I will never abandon you

by the way
What can I do?

by the way
I.. miss.. you

I dig
You dig
He digs
She digs
We all dig

Its not a wonderful poem I know... But its deep XD

I am not alive any more
I am a ghost
I walk on a network
I have no face, no name, just a handle and pixels

When did I give up on the real world
When did I trade grass and sky for wires and signals
When did I decide that a screen name was my name
When will I figure out the code

Was there a reason for it
was there some thing that fixated me on this screen
Was there some thing there to hold me
Was I hiding from some thing called life

What happens when I crash, am I still there
What happens when I am gone
What will become of all that I left behind in ones and zeros
What if I end it

Unplug
Switch off
Delete this world I wove for my self
Watch it all tumble down with with the click of a button

Is this the end of my
Is this the end of my screen name
Is this the end of every thing I have come to know
Is this digital suicide

I sit here looking at the words.
The keys that ask the ultimate question
There is no going back
"Yes" or "No"

Could it be that simple
Could it be that easy
Could it be just two ways
Could I do it...

Afraid to sleep
Shaking as I close my eyes
My monsters don't play under my bed
They smile as they play inside my head
Gleefully they twist all my dreams to night mares
My hopes to horrors
These monsters in my head have no heart
In my mind, in my dreams as I close my eyes...
is where they start

Howl at the moon for all you have lost
Wish on the stars for the strength to carry on
Wait for the sun to rise, Like a new day bringing new chance
So let it out
Howl at the moon
And let it all out

Are you mad at me
I speak and you don't respond
Are you hiding
I look and I don't see you
Did I make a mistake
I sit here and I wonder
Is there some thing I should have done different
I ask my self
Are things ok
I wish I knew

Seeing a flower
I reach out my hand
Touching it softly
Smiling at it
I study it
Suddenly with out warning
It wilts
The leaves falling from its stem
Slowly it fades
Turning black in my hand
A gust of wind and there is nothing more then dust
Where beauty and grace where
There is death
All rot
Such is my curse
To take that which was good and destroy it
My hands are destruction
My voice chaos
My eyes lay upon pain
This is who I am
I have become the white horseman
You shell know me
For I am death

Music plays
The fire blazes
In the moon light
Fire works snap over head
The food is good
Party rages on
Some
Thing
Is
Missing
....
You

Those things
Those people
Those choices
Make us who we are
But they don't define us
If you want to change your past
Change today
Change your self
The can make you
They can break you
Or
You can break the cycal
You can make your self

There only ghost in the past

My body shaking
I am still crying
The pain is real
my heart still racing
It was only a dream
But it's so frightening
I lost so much
There was no hope
I never thought I would tremble from a dream

This is my nightmare

Today I offer up my soul for this
I am living for my dieing wish
One more step closer to the grave
Another step closer to heaven
Let them drag me down and break me
There is nothing I would want more
I know in the end I will be the one standing
The scars will be a trophy and badge
They will know my name
And they shell know my power
I will never give up fighting for my life
The thing that makes me happy

.....
....
...
..
.

This is my fight

Unneeded
Unwanted
Replaced
Broken
Wasted
Dieing
....
Me

You sit there smiling at me
I look in your eyes and grin showing my dimples

Whispering I ask
"What can I get you"

You joke with me for a moment and tell me
"nothing I am happy"

You see me thinking and whisper
"some thing pretty"

But next to you..
Nothing is as pretty as it was

The thrill
I felt it so deep
And the trust is there
You standing over me
Staring down at me
Your boots clicking firmly as you step around your prey
My heart races faster and faster
Is it fear
Or am I excited
It does not mater
I gave my self up
The collar on my neck is proof of that
I don't have a choice
This is your game
My life is now your fate
You make my skin crawl as I hear that leather whip strangle and bend
I wonder what things are going on in your mind
The feel of being naked before you makes me pant
You pause
My eyes snap shut
I tremble as you command
Tho it feels so good to obey
To know I please you
I feel the cold metal on my skin
These chains tease me so
Why did I want this
How is it that it feels so good
Your gaze makes me cower
And I love being  under you
Helpless and you so strong
I see you bite your lip as you think
My hands claw at the cold ground
This should not be so yummie
But I can't help it
I never was addicted to the whip
It should not feel like pleasure in your torment
But that does not matter
I gave in
It feels so good
You scold me and I crave every word
I trust you and your wisdom
The I encouraged you
Trembling in delight as you decide how to play with me
You hold the key to my fate
I am locked down in this room
You have all the power and I would not have it any other way

Addicted
I can't get enough
Needing it
It hurts with out it

I can't sleep with out it
My hands shake with out it
It hurts so bad
There is no getting over it

Why did I start
I can't help it
It's so wonder full
There is this wonderful tingle

The rush as I see it
I feel my heart beat faster
My legs get weak as I get close
And I feel a smile creep a across my lips

I would fight for it
I would die for it
I can't help it
I don't care

Hate me
Judge me
Condemn me
Because I am addicted to a feeling

42
It echos in my head
What does it mean
A number

42
I asked
Waiting for that the answer
It took so long

42
Really
Why
How could this be

42
I need to know
There needs to be a reason
This doesn't mean any thing

42
I don't know the question
This computer must be broken
What do I do

42
I must find out
There has to be a way
I must find it

42
I will build a better computer
I will find it
But.. I am just a mouse

And if I can't I will make it up...

When foxes run wild, chaos races free

This pen dances
It moves along the page
It moves with a mind of its own

Its body is my soul
Its tip my heart
Its ink is my blood

It moves for me
Sharing all my thoughts
Telling all my secrets

I can't stop
It bloods on to the page
My life spilling out

My heart is filled with words I can not say
So I write draining out my soul
My body shining every letter

I write so I wont die
I write to stay alive

I write to live

The Fox and the Wolf
Like Light and Dark
Playing in the grass
A furry storm of grey and red
He and She
Nipping
As if they where pups
Happy as they kick up leave
Growling showing there teeth
Biting but never hurting
Like Day and Night
The Fox and the Wolf

What to say
What can I say I haven't said a thousand times
I wish I knew

When I speak it hurts
My words cutting like knives in you skin
Leaving red lines

I don't want to hurt you
I wish I know how to say every thing in my heart
It can't be said

You know how I feel
I would cut my chest with a knife and let it all spill out
If it made you smile

You know my heart
You felt it beat as you lay your head on my chest falling asleep
I remember

It was so good
I never regret any of it
always happy

So many dreams
There are still so many things left to do
I know how I feel

There is no confusion
Those days are gone and all there is left is desire
There is no pain

I will carry on
I think of you all the time
I miss you

I never left
There is nothing to make me abandon you
It is alright

Here I stand
I am not broken any more
Truly strong

I had so many names for you
Non could express how special you where
How many do you remember

Deeply wishing
I could see your smile light up
One more time

I digress
I know you can't let your self hear me
So I hold my self back

I hide
I will do as you ask if it pleases you
Vanishing unspoken

Just know
Those three words
That is all

A man with out a home
Loosing his family
With no friends who can see him for as he is
Fighting to do what is best
Battling for people who fear him
Defending those who would push him away
Never letting people see his weakness
Unable to share his loneliness
Risking his life for insects
Never wanting to be a god
He keeps going
Working to stay strong
Watching every one grow around him
Wanting to inspire greatness
Leading by example
Inspiring strength of character
Guiding humanity through passive actions
Knowing that you can do better

Why does he try?
~
Why would he care?



Because he can

Or is there more to it then that?

Playing in the darkness
I dance to the tune
Watching the clock tic
I listen to the tok
Its strokes moves me
The shine of the moon light my partner
Its soft glow moving around me
Never touching it
I close my eyes and feel the cool breeze
I inhale deeply as if it where my lover
Its smells as the nights of summer
My feet in the grass
Swaying to the beat of my heart
The stars shine over me as tho they where guiding me
My skin touching the soft dew
Shivering in the cold
I move faster
My heart beating fast
Racing keeping me warm
I spin in the between moon beams
Almost perfect
The shadows dancing with me as I glide
A vale of dark moves in closer
Fire fly dot the woods
The chirps of crickets sing out
Faster I turn
Faster I move
Leaves from the trees kicking up in a swirl around me
Owls pear down watching my every step
The echo off the rocks and trees are all I need
The light of the night sky brightening the darkness
Why be afraid of the dark when there is so much good in it
Why hide from your own shadow when there is so much pleasure in it

Atop this tower I stand
Atop this tower I stair
Atop this tower I see

The land
Your land

And

The bridge between us
The bridge joining us
The bridge tounting me

If only I could have crossed

Your flag billows
Your flag stands for hope and piece
Your flag stands for justice and chance

I have non.

So here I stand

On my tower

Let me feel it
Your hate
Your distain
Your contempt

It feels good
I want it
I need it
I crave it

I see the knife in your hand. I don't care
I pull you close
I put my arms around you
I hold you

Press it in to my heart
Slide it in deep
Then look in my eyes
Let me smile down at you

You can not hurt me
I am strong then that
I will not die
I will fight

You did not destroy me
You did not **** me
I am still here
I still love you

I would say with my last breath

I will always love you

I never told you
I knew it would hurt
I know you would be afraid

I never told you how
I never told you why
I never told you of the time

It would have been fun
It would have been real
It would have been good

I had temptation
I had an offer
I had an interest

But

I had you
I had a vow
I had a promise

It was love

I don't regret tuning it down
I don't regret staying strong
I don't regret fighting a little longer

I was strong
I was proud
I was honorable

I am those things now
And never lost them
Even tho you are gone

I never told you

When it's to much

Standing
Broken
Waiting
Watching
Wishing
Preying
Hoping
Crumbling
Needing

A whisper from the dark

Fight
Carry on
Rise
Believe
Trust
Feel
Remember
Know
Endure

You will see