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Raj Arumugam Sep 2010
all those hearts
that'd like a part
in a play Time made
called Dali’s Wasteland
there’s good news:
the part is yours;
no auditions
no lines to remember
cos they’ll all come naturally

all you have to do
is to go about
your daily chores
just the way you are
lie through your teeth
like you always do
smile like a fox
like you learned to do
and just cut to size
all the innocent and defenseless
with your sharp words and mean manners
like you usually do
and the good news is
I’ll tell you this
the part is already yours
for you are it
Time’s very public masterpiece:
Dali’s Wasteland
Raj Arumugam Mar 2011
Yes, I have tried,
Sir Butterflies
O Butter Smooth and Red Samurai
I have tried to be carefree
like you both
like your eminent selves
flitting from one plant to another
not attached or fond of one
but coming and going as in necessity
I have tried
Sir Butter Smooth and Red Samurai
to be free of time
like you both
like your eminent selves
careless of the past
or what is to come
but still my mind wanders
into the inadequacies of the past
and the promises of the future
so that
O Sir Butterflies
Butter Smooth and Red Samurai
I am weighed down by attachment
and am pained by time
unlike you happy butterflies
merry and free
your life always in the moment…
Perhaps
Sir Butterflies
O Butter Smooth and Red Samurai
you should teach me…
Poem based on “A Philosopher watching a pair of butterflies,”  from Pictures after Nature an album by Katsushika Hokusai (1760-1849) Japan 1814/19. (Japanese colored woodblock)
Raj Arumugam Sep 2012
1
And it’s fifty years
since Farmer Joe and Mary married
but Joe forgets;
Joe is always in La La land

Darl, do you know what day it'll  be
come Saturday?

says Mary, who’s still got all her teeth

No, says Joe
who's still got strong hands and feet
No, no, no…I don’t know – wait,
what was your question?



2
It’s our fiftieth, darl
says Mary
Let’s have a feast, invite the kids
and the neighbors
– and let’s **** a pig



O, says Farmer Joe
*I don’t know why
the pig’s got to take the blame
for something we did fifty years ago
...another existing poem transformed into verse...I love what happens, and the transformation...
Raj Arumugam Oct 2010
as it's commonly said,
an apple a day
keeps the doctor away…

a song a day
sung or heard
keeps boredom at bay

a poem a day
written or read
fires up the brain cells

an art a day
created or viewed
keeps brain numbness away

a view of trees each day
keeps the mind fresh
and steady

but love
not love of particulars
or specifics
but love of all
love unconditional
keeps the whole being radiant
every minute
every day
Raj Arumugam Sep 2014
"you got your horse...
it's well drawn
elaborate and real
little Vicky -
but where's the cart?"
asks the art teacher

"Oh", says wicked Vicky
drawing on a lesson from her poetry class
"The horse will draw it"
Raj Arumugam Nov 2011
this is the life...oh, reading
daylong and in candlelight
and perusing scrolls and poems and the Classics
and the Analects,
it tires one...but this, sitting in the veranda
and with fresh air
and the gentle breeze and one’s mind light and easy...
and contemplating a rose
or seeing the green of a leaf...
the mind cleared of ideas and vague abstractions
and the weight of words and persuasion,
O this is the life...
the mind sits still now
in itself
the being in
the quiet of an evening
the satisfaction of solitude
in an emptiness, a presence
beyond books, thoughts and patterns
this is the life, this is the moment...
poem based on painting “Taking a rest after reading books”, Jeon Seon (1786-1856), Korea
Raj Arumugam Sep 2014
I caught the art thief -
he was a mastermind really
for he got such precious paintings
out of the Louvre easily
The amazing thing was
I caught him just minutes
from the museum;
his Econoline van
- would you believe it? –  ran out of fuel

Sure I asked him how
he could make such a mistake
steal so much treasure
and run out of gas just meters away

And he sighed with a Picasso face:
*"Oh ****, Monsieur!
I’d no Monet
to buy Degas to make
the Van Gogh…”
Poem based on a popular joke. The witty references  in the last three lines are as they are exactly in a popular joke online.
Raj Arumugam Jan 2012
Mom – I’m sorry
Mom and Dad
and Grands and everybody else
but I got to run off
And so by the time you read this
I’ll be gone
because you know
you don’t let me marry him
I really love him
and he really loves me too
But you, everyone of you
you don’t like his color,
the way he is
I know him and I got to be together
forever
And you all just sneer:
Oh, she’s just a teenager!
And you’ll all never accept it
forever
Neither will his group
accept me, forever
So don’t look for us;
we’ll literally fly off to
a corner in this universe
where no one will find us
ever
and we’ll live happily forever
Just the two of us

Just a few words to you all:
*We are all the same, you know
no matter our color and metal and make
no matter the configuration
no matter the model and serial number
and which Factory we came from
We robots are all the same…
You got to learn this and to love
all robots the same
Raj Arumugam Sep 2010
he loves me
I know
of all the women
he’s seen
I don’t know why
but time seems
to have shaped his mind and heart for me
and the days
they seem to have set his feet
on the path towards me
It’s clear as daylight
he loves me
of all the girls
and the women
he’s got his heart for me
he just loves me;
and I just him
companion picture: Reading a Letter by Nikolai Petrovitch Bogdanov-Belsky (1868–1945)
Raj Arumugam Sep 2010
ask no questions:
you must obey;
and if you ask questions
you must accept all answers


there’s a teacher
and authority;
the student must ask
no questions;
just listen and obey


there’s the Parent
and children will do good
to listen and nod in agreement

you must obey
it’s good for you
it’s good for the Instructor

there’s the Great Leader
who issues edicts and reforms;
it’s nice of you to be informed
to mark and conform

there’s God in Heaven
and He’s (never a She)
given you Text Books;
school is in – and you must obey,
no questions…


there are Organizations
and Establishments;
look, it’s comfy and easy
for everybody
if you just followed
the rules and regulations
and don’t think outside
the Book of Instructions



ask no questions:
you must obey;
and if you ask questions
you must accept all answers
Raj Arumugam Nov 2011
Bare stage. A square neon sign on extreme right which reads: “This way to Heaven”.
Prolonged silence. Enter Snail, moving very slowly throughout the play.


Snail:
I’m a dead snail.
I’m going to Heaven.

I’ve lived for 15 years.
That’s a ripe old age.
I’ve been blessed.
Had a marvellous *** life, you know.
Well, if you know snails
we attract a mate with our slime.
Oh, slime turns me on, baby.

(Snail moves slowly, and then stops.)


Well, maybe I should focus on holy thoughts.
Purity...refined thoughts...you know...
Snail God does not like ***.
Copulation is not exactly what
Snail God meant when Snail God declared:
"Go forth and slime the world;
be ye together..."
Snail God demands purity
so let me be so...
after all, I’m going to Heaven...
a dead snail and moving on to Heaven...

(Snail moves slowly, and then stops.)

Had a precarious life,
you know,
all these 15 years...
A farmer saw me in the grass.
I heard him curse
and he raised his foot to crush me.
Well, unfortunately for him
he stepped on a snake
and the last I heard of the man
was an expletive
and the last I heard of the snake was a hiss.
Yes, I’ve had a long life
a risky life - but it’s all worth it
for an eternal life in Heaven
is my reward

(Snail moves slowly, and then stops.)



(Enter Frog, jumping. Snail looks at Frog in amazement. And Frog stops and looks at Snail in amazement.)

Frog: What are you doing?

Snail: That’s what I was about to ask of you.

Frog: I’m a dead Frog and I’m jumping on my way to Heaven.

Snail: I’m a dead Snail and I’m moving on to Heaven.

Frog: This is ridiculous.

Snail: Indeed. It is ridiculous.
           A Frog going to Heaven?
           No, for it is truly declared by Snail God:
            
"None but Snails shall enter Heaven."

Frog: And in the words of the Frog God:
           *"I shall confound all other creatures.
              Only Frogs shall enter Heaven."

             And so it has come to pass
            Snails think they can go to Heaven.
           Unless the Frog God
           in Its Infinite Wisdom
          has arranged for a Dish of Snails
         when all Pure Frogs are at Its side in Paradise.
         Well, Snail...you’re toast when I see you in Heaven.

(Frog jumps on to near stage right, screaming: “Heaven - here I come!” and then disappears.)

(Long silence.)

Snail (facing audience): Well, what next? - The snake to Heaven?
                                          The Farmer to Heaven? His dog to Paradise?
                                           Donkeys to Heaven?


*(Snail moves on , in its slow way, to nothing but Heaven...)
the second of 3 one-act tragicomedies...also read my previous poem: hide and seek (a tragicomedy)
Raj Arumugam Nov 2011
Bare stage. A square neon sign on extreme right which reads: “This way to Heaven”.
Prolonged silence. Enter Snail, moving very slowly throughout the play.


Snail:
I’m a dead snail.
I’m going to Heaven.

I’ve lived for 15 years.
That’s a ripe old age.
I’ve been blessed.
Had a marvellous *** life, you know.
Well, if you know snails
we attract a mate with our slime.
Oh, slime turns me on, baby.

(Snail moves slowly, and then stops.)


Well, maybe I should focus on holy thoughts.
Purity...refined thoughts...you know...
Snail God does not like ***.
Copulation is not exactly what
Snail God meant when Snail God declared:
"Go forth and slime the world;
be ye together..."
Snail God demands purity
so let me be so...
after all, I’m going to Heaven...
a dead snail and moving on to Heaven...

(Snail moves slowly, and then stops.)

Had a precarious life,
you know,
all these 15 years...
A farmer saw me in the grass.
I heard him curse
and he raised his foot to crush me.
Well, unfortunately for him
he stepped on a snake
and the last I heard of the man
was an expletive
and the last I heard of the snake was a hiss.
Yes, I’ve had a long life
a risky life - but it’s all worth it
for an eternal life in Heaven
is my reward

(Snail moves slowly, and then stops.)



(Enter Frog, jumping. Snail looks at Frog in amazement. And Frog stops and looks at Snail in amazement.)

Frog: What are you doing?

Snail: That’s what I was about to ask of you.

Frog: I’m a dead Frog and I’m jumping on my way to Heaven.

Snail: I’m a dead Snail and I’m moving on to Heaven.

Frog: This is ridiculous.

Snail: Indeed. It is ridiculous.
           A Frog going to Heaven?
           No, for it is truly declared by Snail God:
            
"None but Snails shall enter Heaven."

Frog: And in the words of the Frog God:
           *"I shall confound all other creatures.
              Only Frogs shall enter Heaven."

             And so it has come to pass
            Snails think they can go to Heaven.
           Unless the Frog God
           in Its Infinite Wisdom
          has arranged for a Dish of Snails
         when all Pure Frogs are at Its side in Paradise.
         Well, Snail...you’re toast when I see you in Heaven.

(Frog jumps on to near stage right, screaming: “Heaven - here I come!” and then disappears.)

(Long silence.)

Snail (facing audience): Well, what next? - The snake to Heaven?
                                          The Farmer to Heaven? His dog to Paradise?
                                           Donkeys to Heaven?


*(Snail moves on , in its slow way, to nothing but Heaven...)
the second of 3 one-act tragicomedies...also read my previous poem: hide and seek (a tragicomedy)
Raj Arumugam Sep 2014
well, my friend got a role
in a movie  (it should have been me -
but that's another story
)
and, all proud and puffed up,  he told his dad:
"Dad, I got a role
in a movie: I play a man
who's been married 25 years"


And his dad told him
right up to his face:
*"Keep at it, son -
you might end up
with a speaking role some day"
Raj Arumugam Oct 2010
a strange day
it was full of strangers
when I went for a walk
with my spouse by my side


past the junction
a stranger shouted out to me:
“Help me!”
and I said quite readily:
“But I need help myself –
so how can I help you?”
and I continued on my walk
wondering at this strange world


past the 100-year-old tree
an octogenarian stopped me
and he said:
“Son, can you tell me which way
to Harvey’s Street?”
and I said to him:
“I don’t know Harvey
and so I don’t know his street;
and by the way, maybe you don’t know,
but I’m not your son….”

and past Kangaroo Point
a cheery stranger all teeth
he shouted to me:
“Good day!”
“Oh, great!” I shouted back.
“You may be having a good day
but I’m having a strange day,
I’ll tell you that!”

And past the Greehimn River
a helpless old lady said:
“Ah, kind man, could you pick up
that walking stick for me?
it’s mine and a young man
just now kicked it off my right hand”


And I said with no second thought:
“Oh, old woman
pick it up yourself;
your back is already bent
so half the effort is already there -
and you think I walked all the way here
so I can pick up a walking stick
for a strange old woman I don’t even know?”


and I turned to my spouse
who was with me
all the while and I said:
“Hmmm…what a strange day
with all these strangers…”
and my spouse answered speedily:
“Who are you, creepy stranger?
Why do you talk to me?”
And straight my spouse
walked off from me…


Hmmm…and indeed a strange day it was
with all these strangers one meets
and who walks so close beside
Raj Arumugam Oct 2011
a subversive poem is nutritious
a bowl of magic soup
to throw in the face
of complacency
and indolence;
but watch out
and its magic can go any way
like if writing a subversive poem
one is
in due course of time
made to eat one’s own words;
still
potion for oneself
or medicine for others
it's as necessary as the doctor
Raj Arumugam May 2014
at Graveyard 659
the ghosts are floating in a meeting

“Someone ought to put up a
wall round our graveyard,”

opines one wise bearded ghost

“And why?” asks the Chair

“Why?” screams the reply
*“Can’t you see what's up
with those mortals? -
there's such huge demand
everyone’s just dying to get in...”
another poem in my series on ghosts, ghouls...this poem is particularly in the tradition of dark humour...or you could say, it's a kind of Zen moment, producing a flash of insight, a satori
Raj Arumugam May 2014
And Mr and Mrs Ghost are at the restaurant -
Our *****-ghetti Place -
the one at the dead end,
and that plays their
favorite soul music

"How would you like your drink, ma’am?"
asks the Head Waiter,
who, for obvious reasons,
is just a floating head

"I’ll have my drink ice ghoul, screech you,"
says Mrs Ghost
"And as usual, Mr Ghost would like his
eggs terri-fried, please"


"Also," says Mr Ghost, "I’ll have coffin after"
"Scream or sugar?" asks the floating head
"6 spoons of scream,  screech you"
"And same for you too, ma’am?"
And Mrs Ghost  replies:
*"No…Booberry Ice Scream, please"
...another poem in my series  on spooks, ghosts, ghouls and such...poem(s) based on jokes from various sources
Raj Arumugam Sep 2014
Mr and Mrs Proper Smith
are at the gallery
and the next work in line
that confronts them
is a **** woman with green leaves
to conceal her privates

Mrs Smith moves away
with quiet and dignity
but Mr Smith lingers, eyes on the leaves
Mrs Smith clears her throat
and enquires politely:
What are you waiting for, dear?

And comes swiftly
the reply, equally polite:
*Autumn
Raj Arumugam Feb 2014
(WARNING: some of you may not find this to your taste)


SONG of the ROYAL FOOD-TASTER
It’s always feast day
at the Court of King Eatmore
and Queen Yumyum
Bring it on, dish after dish -
anything that’s Meat, we’ll eat
When I arrived at Court
from my far-off village
I was but skin and bones
Now as Trusted Royal Taster
I am as big as Her Majesty’s –
Burp! – ****


SONG of the ROYAL JESTER
Bring it on
anything that moves
We’ll spike it through
for the spit -
with the spike through the mouth
and coming out the other end
For what is man and woman
King and Queen
but a mouth open
and a releasing rear?


CHORUS
Oh let us eat, eat, eat
drink and sate and ingratiate
We love
anything that crawls or creeps
or flies or moves
We can crunch and munch and digest
and add to our folds and waves -
for the World-sized King he said:
“Bring it IN!  Something local,
anything Exotic! Bring it IN!”

And the Immense Queen she screamed:
“Cream! Cream! Cream! More Cream
and Oil on my Pig’s Head!”



SONG of the ROYAL JESTER**
Ah, for what else did Nature fashion
life to be? – one way in and one way out
and lots to retain
Humanity is but a mouth and an ****
connected well in an ever-emptying barrel
Raj Arumugam Apr 2014
Dad was dying, breathing his last -
would Mark be sad or glad?
Glad - why not? Since Dad’s
a multi-billionaire
and Mark’s the only child
and all things will go to Mark,
to no one else

Mark ’s happy the doctors
said it ’s anytime now
and he must make arrangements
so he asked his long-time,
indecisive sweetheart:
“Hey, Helen baby – my dad’s dying
and I’ll inherit everything
So you got to decide now -
come home with me?”

“Sure thing,” Helen said
as instant as noodles
And Mark and Helen got home -
and look, to make a long story short,
that’s how Helen became Mark's step-ma
And Mark’s sitting in the garden shed
still licking his wounds
poem based on a  joke I found online
Raj Arumugam Feb 2012
I went to work
and I worked hard
and it was humdrum, tedious
and so I wrote a poem
but you know, nobody pays for poems
You can dream
but you can't put bread on the table
so I went to work
and I worked hard
and it was humdrum, tedious
and so I wrote a poem
but you know, nobody pays for poems
You can dream
but you can't put bread on the table
so I went to work…
Raj Arumugam Oct 2010
I cut an avocado in half
and give one half to the visitor;
and I carefully scoop
the avocado
gently, gently
with a teaspoon
(the Aztec records show
this is, ahem! the fertility fruit)
and I savor each scoop
and eat like a pig
(ah well, like a graceful pig);
and at last
I have the skin left
in the palm of my hand
and it’s tough
and shaped like a boat;
and it has rained
and there’s a puddle of water
on the lawn
and an ant that’s been irritating me
wandering about on my naked foot
and I put the ant
in the avocado boat
and I set the boat in the puddle
and I give it a gentle push
and I say:
“Bon voyage, Monsieur!”
And then I look at my visitor,
and that silly guy is still staring at his half
and I ask, ever gently,
“Do you need help
with your fertility fruit there?”
The visitor replies, “No" –
and I wonder if I should get him brain food
or perhaps set him off on another avocado boat…
Raj Arumugam Oct 2010
the forest takes one
for a quiet walk in the morning;
of oneself
and the solitude and the path and the trees
and the air and the stillness and the undefined sunlight;
a moment of lightness, an instant of calm;
did one come from the walk?
companion picture: Morning Forest by Alexander Nevzorov
Raj Arumugam Oct 2012
1
What my brother-in-law said to me:
Hey, bro…glad to talk to you…
I’m flying in all the way from Canada
in 30 days’ time…yeah, whole family
Wife and the 3 kids
Hey, you ought to get leave for a week –
we’ll stay in your place,
and you can drive us about Victoria…
it’s really my sis and you we want to see…
Yeah, get back to me after you speak
to the people at your workplace



2
What I told my brother-in-law:
I asked my boss,
and he said leave’s not possible…
He needs me to be at work
says he can’t manage without me



What my brother-in-law said back to me:
Oh, we’ll try my wife’s side then
You know, the ones who live in Mauritius
We’d really like to see them…



3
What actually happened
Well, to be honest,
I asked my boss for the week off
and he said:
You’ve let so much work hang for so long
you’d need a whole year to finish
Let me make it plain, you shirker:
This year, you get NO days off


And I shook his hands enthusiastically,
and I said to him:
Thanks, boss – I knew I could always count on you



**...and now I've got my bro-in-law languishing in Canada - and my boss, my colleagues tell me,  feeling perplexed in his office...
...transforming this existing joke into verse demanded a different technique and narrative style...took me quite a while, but I'm happy I got it...and glad my bro-in-law and my boss didn't get 'it'!  (:
Raj Arumugam Jan 2012
I cannot understand
for the life of me
why the wife
(yes, mine own good wife)
cannot attend to my every need
just like the faithful wives
of yore - such paragons of virtue
and forerunners of service departments

Why can’t she
when I cough or ahem
drop everything she’s doing
(including even if she be
attending to her toilet duties)
and do a somersault to the first aid kit
and present me
in nanosecond
a lozenge that might soothe my throat?

At the slightest rumble
of my stomach
why can’t my wife
into the kitchen dive
and before the rumble
turns into a mumble
why can’t she present on the table
a fine set of fare fit for an Emperor…
a wide range of food – I am reasonable –
the best from Saskatchewan and so on
a dish of the the best from every
nation and continent and clime
Now, is that really too much to ask
of a wife for life?


And what about my other needs
and my other multifarious, multitudinous
innumerable
variety of desires and wants and appetites
that from time to time burst like fireworks
that usher in the New Year?
After all I’m human
and have all these desires and wants
through start of day to the moment
I recline in bed
at decline of day…
So why can’t she
ensure the toothpaste is on the toothbrush
at start of my day
and use a fresh towel end
to coax to prominence the shine on my teeth?
And why can’t she have my
clothes neatly pressed and ready on bed
and presto! – when I emerge into the dining hall
should not breakfast be ready on the table
as Ariel would have done for Prospero in “The Tempest”?
Look, as you can see, I am not far
from being reasonable…
And then certainly the shoes should be ready
with a new shine nurtured with cat’s **** or dog’s pooh –
whatever the concoction that may take
to bring out the luster in my shoes
And she can open the door and shut it gently
(that’s the house door)
and she could open the door and shut it gently
(that’s the car door)
as I drive off elegantly
and surely should return
to smiles and glee
and a repeat performance
but varied now to evening needs
and let us not forget me and the wife in bed

And so on, I think you get the drift;
intelligent reader as you are,
I believe you understand
the daily program
the moral imperative
in a wife that’s for life


and you can see
plain and clear as the still sea
how reasonable and natural
and unpretentious, easy, manageable
professional and well-planned and spaced
my demands and needs are and be:
after all
it is my wife
I claim for these services
and Not the President’s or Vladimir Putin’s



And now I’ll throw at you
Sirs and Ladies
the most dramatic question
the parting shot
O the noble Parthian shot -
irrefutable, irreparable, indisputable
absolutely undeniable
and that will make you see the light:
*A wife’s for life, is she not -
and aren’t both made for my convenience?
Please do not keep my wife informed of the existence of this poem. This poem is to gain public sympathy - not to gain private torture.
Raj Arumugam Aug 2011
for maximum efficacy of charm, utter this in the dead of night lying down on a sheet of camel skin soaked in goat’s blood, on top of One Tree Hill*



may those who
cannot praise
and can only bark dispraise
of my writings, songs and posts
may they all
become loose of mind;
and may such
in the middle of a crowd of fanatics
suddenly lose their pants or tops;
and inexplicably become illiterate
when they are to sit for exams;
and may they who cannot
say: “You are the best! You are the best!” -
may these henceforth never be capable
of saying anything at all!


O, as swineherds
in days of yore
became Court Poets
by Divine Grace –
may all those who don’t
appreciate my writings and posts
may they all suffer in reverse
and become swine
and go drown in ditches
by Divine Craze!
everybody talks about 'writer's block'...but what about a 'writer's curse'?...hey, don't take this too seriously- it's just fun verse
Raj Arumugam Feb 2014
the other day
seated in his office
I asked my stubborn, mean-looking
bushy-eyebrows editor
if he’d consider two books:
“Short Stories for Real Short People”
and “Truly Tall Tales for Tall People”

and he sat back with that air
(actually, made you think he wanted to release air)
and he said:
“You’ll get shot for titles like that…
'Short Stories for Real Short People'
will directly offend people
who are vertically challenged
And the same people would shoot you
for excluding them by implication
in the epithet 'Tall' –
They’ll sure shoot you for that…
They’re both just politically incorrect”


And I leaned forward
(releasing air myself –
anything he can do, I can do better!)
and I said:
“Sure, it’s not politically correct – but it sure
ain’t psychologically correct, given our times,
to speak of shooting while we are in an office”


I hear the Editor no longer works there
and is now in some publishing house
who are specialists  in books on Accounting
and Engineering
where he knows, for sure, I’m never likely to go
Raj Arumugam Jul 2012
Come, come, come
I’m only a young boy
I just came to pluck an azalea
on this fine, lovely day
and you - Oh, you came
shouting at me
and you threatened to call
for the men and the servants
to give me a beating

Come, come, come
I’m only a young boy
I just came to pluck an azalea
and you started beating me
and you struck me on the chest
with your soft left hand
and then you let it slide down
And then you pounded me on my shoulders
with your gentle fists
and then you let them slide down
And now we are in this azalea dance
O this impromptu Dance of Azalea
between you and me
Your hand in mind
You in mock-aggression
and I now in complete realization
O this improvised Dance of the Azalea
just you and me, as we go round
and round

And what the end in your eyes?
I see, I see, I see it in your eyes –
a quiet corner below the rocks
a gentle spot, softened by grass and flowers
Oh you teach me this Dance of Azalea
Come, come, come
I’m only a young boy
I just came to pluck an azalea
and you teach me the art of love
poem based on painting "A young boy plucking an azalea" by
Shin Yun-bok (Hyewon) (born 1758), Korean
Raj Arumugam Apr 2014
I was watching TV
and the topic on the Geriatrics Show
was Life Support Systems -
you know, about how people are kept
on pipes and machines and tubes and liquid
and I hollered to my wife in the kitchen:
“Darling, if ever I become life-dependent
on liquids and machines, just get rid of ‘em
and free me…”


“Sure thing,” my faithful wife said
and she turned off the TV
and my cell phone and my laptop
and she emptied my bottles of wine and whisky
and then she turned to me and she said:
*“I just freed you.”
and I was like, ????
Raj Arumugam Sep 2014
1
when I was at university
I did some babysitting:
Send the kids to bed
after meals
Never smile at them
and be very strict –
you know the trick
Instill fear in them
They’ll just stay quiet
in their rooms
while you watch TV
till the parents return

2
So there I was in the living room
and the kids in their room upstairs -
except for one brat
looking down and creeping down the stairs
And I’d say: “Back to the room!”
and he’d crawl back
Three times he did that, that brat


3
Then there was a
knock at the door
It was the neighbour, it seems -
a Mrs Lim; she wanted to know
if her kid Sam was in the house
“No,” I said
but the brat from the stairs behind me shouted:
*“I’m here mum –
but he won’t let me out!”
poem based on a joke I found online
Raj Arumugam Oct 2012
listen you pretty girls
and tormented boys
heed this warning tale
and avoid bloated tummies
and crushed *****


song of Bad Boy Nimko

here below this bridge
each night
I met pretty Akako
And each night I whispered
sweet nothings
and poured myself
into her
But ah, now this same bridge
of pleasure is a bridge of pain
she says she’s pregnant
and makes her claims
And so I must run away
turn my back on the village
and never return
for here is no gain



song of Bad Girl Akako

here below this bridge
each night I met Nimko
and I told him one night
he’s made me pregnant
and he said
he didn’t know about that
And never wanted
to see me again
and he called me a ****
And so I squeezed him tight
and he left with ***** crushed
flat as dumplings
under a carriage wheel




And so
listen you pretty girls
and tormented boys
heed this warning tale
and avoid bloated tummies
and crushed *****
image from Wikipedia; poem based on print: “Man on horseback crossing a bridge” by Utagawa Hiroshige (1797 – October 12, 1858)
Raj Arumugam Feb 2012
I hate you
cos you’re not like me
cos you’re not
the same religion as me
I hate you. I **** you.
cos Hey! what color are you?
What kind of skin color is that!
I hate you
I hate you
cos you have different views
from the ones I have -
Hey! don’t you know I’m right
and you’re wrong?
It’s so obvious and you can't see
- oh, I so hate you!
I hate you. I **** you.

Long ago
your great great grandpa stole sheep
from my great great grandpa
and my grandpa knocked
your grandpa’s teeth out
and your grandma stole eggs from our farms
and so my grandma poisoned your well
and now I’m here and you too
and so I hate you, I hate you, I just oh so hate you
I hate you
cos my leader said so
cos my Holy Book
which is the only True Book in the World
says:
“God is Love.
Love your enemy.
But **** them who don’t agree.”
I hate you
cos you are in the way
in my way
I hate you
cos it’s something I’ve got to do
since you live on the other side of the border
My dad said so and my Great Wise Leader said so

And anyway you eat rice
while I eat wheat
and though we both ****
I wash my ****
and you wipe yours -
Oh we’re just so awfully different!

O I hate you
cos you’re not like me
cos you are not
the same as me
I hate you. I **** you.
Raj Arumugam Jan 2013
Older boys telling younger boys “bad” jokes is part of the traditions in schools, much as the guardians of Elite Schools might deny it…here’s something that happened in the 1960s, and perhaps before too, and perhaps always….


“Who’s the best person to marry
when you’re grown up?”

asks the Senior boy
(with his double entendre)
in the shed behind the canteen


three juniors shrug their shoulders
and then one ventures: “Marry a traffic cop?”
“No,” answers the Senior
“Never marry a traffic cop
cos at the crucial moment she’ll say: ‘HALT!’”

Some boys laugh, one or two innocents scratch their heads

“I’ll marry a doctor,” says another
“Yeah?” says the Senior
“At the crucial moment
she’ll be saying: ‘OK -
you can put on your clothes now!’”


Now the juniors laugh;
they are getting wiser
but still an innocent says:
“I’ll marry a bus conductor”
“Oh no, no,” says the boy Senior
“She’ll be insisting: ‘Ticket, please! Ticket, please!’”

“I’ll marry Susan at the canteen
where she makes the best
sandwiches for all those who hunger,”

says the boy, obviously from a very charitable home
“No, no,” says the Senior. “She’ll be roaring:
‘Who’s next? Who’s next? Who’s next?’
And you’ll have all the men
within three miles
queuing up at your doorway!”



The juniors have gotten too smart now
Nobody offers any other possibilities
But innocents die hard
and there’s one last little boy:
“I’ll marry my teacher!”
“Well, isn’t she the best,” says Senior
“for at the crucial moment,
she’ll be saying:
‘Do it again! Do it again!’”


Now, the boys enjoyed it all; the girls never heard it, except when they married these initiates…and all the eminent people in the professions have been none the wiser…
Don't blame me...it was the Senior boy who said all that...and he cast a spell over me, with the power of the Ancient Mariner, to repeat it at the most odd moments...Yes, if you must know, I did end up marrying my teacher...
Raj Arumugam Feb 2012
O sweet love
I love you forever
and forever
it’s true
and months and days more
all I think of is you

O sweet love
I shall always love you
always and always
O my baby
no one else has such deep love
as the love I have for you
O my darling
such love has never been seen
amongst stars or planets
as I have for you
never in all of history
O sweet love
if I do not have you
I shall **** myself
O sweet love
you are my only true love
O true love
if you do not return my love
I shall never, never breathe
it’s true

O sweet love
I love you forever
and forever
it’s true
and months and days more
all I think of is you
Raj Arumugam Jun 2013
1
the teacher says
give me a sentence
anyone, quick
with the word
“beautiful” twice…

Angelic  Mike
sings his response:
My father always says,
“Beautiful day, makes one beautiful too”


2
the teacher applauds
and so does the class
everyone’s heart warms to the core;
and teacher points to Wild Danny
“Give us one, Danny,” she says

3
“Oh,” says Danny Wild,
*“last evening at our dining table
my sis in high school
she said she’s with baby
and she doesn’t know who;
and my daddy he said:
'Beautiful…****** beautiful'"
...another online joke that was languishing in foul company, now transformed almost like Angelic Mike would do...
Raj Arumugam Oct 2012
I was at the street shops, seated below the canvas
and drinking my sake
innocent to the world
and lost to my cup
when she walked past
smooth, elegant, slow-time
her eyes straight and her manner modest
O I only had eyes for her
that was all there was, that desire
as she glided through the street
her kimono red and strewn with flowers in bloom
her scent lingering in the air
the gold clips gleaming in her black hair
O the kimono was like a cloud ablaze
that wrapped a Being from the Realm of Desires
and my own being was in chaos and stirring
and then just at the other end
just at the bend
the beauty turned her head
and she cast her eyes on me,
just a flitting look
O the beauty looked back
and it is on me she cast her binding gaze

And now, for me,
as for a madman
there is no looking back
I must go where she beckons
poem based on print “Beauty looking back” by Hishikawa Moronobu (1618-1694)
Raj Arumugam Oct 2014
just a few days after Beethoven was buried
the local drunk heard
music over the composer's grave;
the priest came running
and he said a few prayers
and crossed the air and his chest;
the Mayor came running
and wondered if
this would be it: big dollars and tourism


and so they called for an expert in music
who listened with them
to the ninth Symphony being played
inside the grave
but backward;
and then each other symphony
from the eighth
to the first,
each played backward -
and then, duly composed, the guest expert
made his proclamation:
*There is nothing to worry
about this phenomenon
and this will end soon:
it is  merely Beethoven decomposing
Raj Arumugam Dec 2012
The crowd has waited since 5 am
there’s been much talk
about the discounts at 8.30
So there’s the long queue and this man
comes right up to the front
and the outraged crowd punch him, push him
and kick him back in line
but the impertinent man gets up
and walks again to the front of the queue
and the justifiably angry crowd
punch him, push him
and kick him back in line
but the determined man gets up
like Rocky
and walks again to the front of the queue
and again the no-nonsense crowd
punch him, push him
and kick him back in line
but the obstinate man gets up yet again
and he mumbles, like Rocky:
*“If these idiots hit me again, I’ll not open the store for 'em!”
a poem to celebrate the silly season...poem based on an existing online joke...
Raj Arumugam Mar 2012
1
the lawyer and doctor
meet at a social function
"I just hate it, "
says the doctor to the lawyer
"At social gatherings
I always get people asking
me for advice
and information,
when they know I'm a doctor…
I bet they do that to you too…
How do you deal with these people? "


"O yeah, " says the lawyer
"They do; and I do give them advice
when they ask
and the next day
I send them the bill"



2
The doctor thinks it's a good idea
and goes to his office the next day
to practise what the lawyer had taught him
And he sits at his table, ready to begin
and there right before him is the bill from the lawyer
…based on an existing joke that I've revived in verse… don't be surprised if you get a bill from me for this laughter therapy...
Raj Arumugam Oct 2010
the Buddha sits
with a flower in hand
and the disciples are gathered;
and there is no word
there is no symbol
there is no utterance

Mahakasyapa smiles;
It is understood;
there is seeing
beyond words, beyond text
Raj Arumugam Jan 2014
When Mr Dracula goes out to work
on his permanent night shifts,
Mrs Dracula checks to make sure
her hubby’s taken his coffin syrup
and he’s got his coat on
and she warns him:
“You stay away from the girl necks door!”
She reminds him if he needs
to cross the seas
he should use the blood vessels

And the Dracula Kids too
(and their visiting drug ******
Auntie Drugula)
come to the door
and hang about wherever they can
to see Mr Dracula go off to work
driving off in his
Mobile Blood Unit
and they all bite each other
as they flap goodbye

And if you should wonder why
the Dracula family is so close
much more than most ****** normal families, well –
Blood is thicker than water – that’s why!

*Well, fangcy that!
...poem based on various online jokes...
Raj Arumugam Oct 2010
Bodhidharma
comes from India
and he is in the court
of Emperor Wu
who throws a question at Bodhidharma

"I have constructed
places of worship;
I have served monks
and I have loved the faith:
what is my merit?
What is my reward?"


*"Nothing.
There is nothing for you
Deeds done with a motive
for pleasures or recognition
with intention
here or hereafter
they have no power in the face of truth"
Raj Arumugam May 2012
And they asked Diogenes
how he'd like to be buried
and he said: 'Just scatter my parts
well outside the City'


'But, Diogenes,
then the wild creatures
will get to the parts -
you don't mind being eaten
up by the creatures? '

'Oh, I hadn't considered that -
just provide me with a staff then
with which I might chase away the creatures'


'Oh, but Diogenes -
how will you do that when you are dead? '

*'Oh, I hadn't considered that…
Well then, but why should I worry
what eats me after I'm dead? '
...first of a few tales about Diogenes of Sinope, Diogenes the Cynic, Diogenes the Dog...
Raj Arumugam Sep 2010
Boys, I warn you, you are not
to look at Twinkle Girls;
I, Glum Master of the Universe, command
that none of you boys
look at those Shiny Girls who
are Bright as Stars
and so are called Twinkle Girls –
remember, you are not to look at
or wink at Twinkle Girls.
You can, O you immature boys
you can chase butterflies
and climb trees and fall off them and break your legs
but chasing Twinkle Girls,
no – I expressly forbid you from such a pursuit.
Twinkle Girls always come with a chime and charm
still, when they pass by and their scent gets into your mind
you are to poke your noses into your books
and you will contemplate the secrets of addition and subtraction
and the intricacies of algebra
until they pass you by…
Look, boys – you can have computer games
and you can play role-play games
and you can twitter and text
and you can steal cookies from the pantry when mom’s not looking
and you can spend the whole day
at websites your parents told you to stay away from –
but looking at Twinkle Girls,
that, I, Glum Master of the Universe,
I expressly forbid
And what will I, Glum Master of the Universe,
do about it if you ogle at  those Twinkle Girls who giggle?
I’ll amend the Books that Surely Lead to Heaven
so boys like you will all end up in Hell…
So, if you want to go to Heaven and eat for free
without mom nagging at you to be neat
and you want to play computer games for all eternity –
boys, I warn you, you are not
to look at Twinkle Girls…
Raj Arumugam Feb 2012
Fuji-san
I'm bored and life's hard:
let me run away
The master makes me work all day
while his sons go to school
and learn writing and numbers;
and his daughters put on pretty dresses
and they play with dolls and flowers -
while all day I wash their clothes
and sweep the courtyard
and collect herbs for the Lady of the House
O Fuji-san -
you have great power
and you watch over all
so let me run away
And I shall run to Edo
And I'll work there
at the tea-houses
and I'll see fine gentlemen
and I'll see pretty ladies
and I'll work and earn and save
And one day I'll be a gentleman myself
So, O Fuji-san
let me run away

Clear my way
Fuji-san
and make it safe
and I shall go to Edo
and I'll be rich one day
and I'll come back here to you Fuji-san
and I'll bring you offerings of dumplings and flowers
So help me, O mighty Fuji-san
Let me run away
poem based on art print by Katsushika Hokusai (1760-1849)
Raj Arumugam Oct 2012
It was the end-of-year exam
to qualify for the prestigious
Top Class at school
and with his paper
spoiled brat Tommy
handed in a $100 note
to his teacher and winked with a whisper:
“A dollar for each point, Sir;
I know all about percentages”


The next day the teacher returned
the papers to the students
and marked bold on
spoiled brat Tommy’s paper
was: 40%
And the teacher pointed to a $60 note attached
and he said with a wink and whisper:
*“That’s the change, Tommy -
a dollar a point, yeah”
...another existing joke transformed into verse...I think the humour's intact in this one...the verse did not demand much for this one...
Raj Arumugam Oct 2014
I have always wondered
- it's been a mystery to me from early -
about all these awesome bright people
but who then turn out not so smart

Well, I thought Science might shed some light
on my dilemma
and after six months' intensive study
I see what it is all about:
*light travels faster than sound
and that is why all these people
who look so bright
don't turn out  so smart
when the words they utter are heard
Raj Arumugam Oct 2012
Tom of Bungles Company places an order
and  Bond of On-the-Ball Company calls back
and he tells Tom:
“Hey, listen…You’ve ordered another two shipments
of the goods? Look, you haven’t paid for the previous 4 orders
and we can’t ship your new order till you pay for the previous four”


“Oh,” says Tom of Bungles Company
quick and snappy
*“Cancel the order then
We really can’t wait that long”
....another existing joke transformed into verse...might post a poem in a different genre tomorrow...
But
Raj Arumugam May 2012
But
In the midst of something crucial
diminutive But
butts in -
Oh, don't you hate that? -
just when evolution is expressing itself
and here's But to bring in devolution;
and so I told BUT recently:
But me no Buts
X me no Xs
Just **** off…
But…
But…
But…

Oh don't you know when you're not needed?
Look here - I'm in the midst of watching that
**** **** of that damsel across the green field
and here you come butting in
It's her swaying **** I'm watching;
now, you - flick off!
But…
But…
But…

And exasperated, I said:
OK - What?

But that's not a woman's **** you're watching;
it's a bull across the green field -
put on your glasses, and you'll see what I mean


And sure enough
with my glasses on I could see
But had a point -
still, But takes away our illusions
and so I vent my fury on But:
OK, wise guy - so I can see it's a bull;
Now get your bull off somewhere else
But…
But…
But…

Oh, the diminutive, persistent But -
it follows one like one's own ****!
if you like "BUT", you might also like my previous poem "AND"...
Raj Arumugam Oct 2010
by you
dear Sun
is life;
and through you too is death
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