i still listen to the music we listened to in your car on one of our road trips
and all of my friends, they know
they know i haven't been able to handle it
i can't handle the ******* heartbreak i feel everyday
yea, it'll get better over time
but
it's been a ******* year why am i not ok
why can i still not breath when i hear your name
why do i sit there with a blank stare when i have flashbacks of my hair blowing in the wind and your left hand on the steering wheel and your right hand on my knee
tracing infinity signs into my skin
leaving a feeling i'll never be able to ******* forget

**** the old pictures of you and I

swallowing my pride like you choke back that cheap liquor
holding back tears like the way you shove me into the wall and act as though I feel the way you do
believing those words like the things you muttered under your breath

10/27/2014

making someone smile gives me a fraction of peace because i think that at least people will have something to look back on when i'm dead.

make sure you eat dinner.

the time is falling like the leaves around you. move quickly.

don't let anyone tell you you're not worth it.

missing you is like trying to find your way in the dark. it's like nothing could ever be right again, until that moment i see you. i see you again and everything changes. my heartbeat goes from 5 to 29837 miles an hour and god even the ******* temperature changes. my palms get sweaty and my hair sticks to my forehead. i start to miss you even when i'm in your arms and i can hear the sound of your heartbeat. you hug me and tell me to stay. "please don't go just yet." but what are we supposed to do when we live two different lives?
we wait. we wait until i can find the safety in your blue eyes. we wait until i can feel your hand on the small of my back. we wait until you lean in to kiss me because simply saying "hello, i've missed you" won't be good enough.
*i wait until i can see you again.

THEY WERE ALL JUST WORDS BEFORE YOU