I have loved to many boys
Who weren't made to love me

How am I supposed to tell you I'm sliding a blade across my thigh, just to watch myself bleed?

YOUR TAKING THE AIR FROM MY LUNGS
I CANT TALK
I CANT BREATHE
I AM SUFFOCATING
IN THIS DARK ******* ROOM
YOU CALL MY LIFE.
I AM WATCHING, I AM WAITING FOR THE PAIN TO GO AWAY.
SOMEONE BREAK ME FREE
I AM STUCK
I CANT MOVE
PLEASE, RELEASE ME FROM THIS HELL
SOMEONE REACH OUT TO ME
I AM ALONE
AND NO ONE IS LISTENING.
I AM SCREAMING
BUT NO SOUND WILL COME OUT
I AM BREAKING DOWN
I AM ON MY KNEES
BUT THERE IS NO GOD
THERE IS NO ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN DOWN HERE,
AND THEY DON'T GIVE A **** WHO YOU WERE
YOU BELONG TO THEM
AND THEY WILL MAKE YOU SUFFER.
NO ONE CAN SAVE ME
*BECAUSE ITS ALL IN MY HEAD.

His words linger in my thoughts,
"I love you."
There on the tip of my tounge,
Trying to say it back
Maybe i feel it,
The butterflies when i look at you
All the breaths ****** away from my lungs when you say my name,
Maybe i love you,
But i cant say it back.
Now,
I think your going away.
Another leaving
Not even saying goodbye,
I think its easier that way,
This time i dont hear your last words,
So i cant have then replaying in my head
Over
And over
Love will set us free
Show us who we need to be
In the middle of the night
Birds circling in flight
It scares us to know the truth
Only to be let down by a lie.
His words lingering in my thoughts,
"I love you."

Your face is just a blurry picture in the back of my head instead of the only thing id ever see
Your voice is now only a faint echo in my mind rather than a scream
Your hands that once touched my body, i never feel the imprints they left on me

One day the memories will come roaring back in my head like the rivers that once flowed
And your face will be the only thing i see
Your voice, the only thing i hear screaming at me
And your old hand imprints will be the only thing i feel touching all over me.

Why cant you just be a faint memory?

Say you like me just one more time,
Give me your heart
And i promise I'll give you mine

Say you love staring into my eyes
Make me feel special
And i promise I'll be by your side

Say you belive in me
Give me your strength
And i promise I'll hold you high

Say you will hold me when i cry
Make me feel loved
And i promise I'll give you my time

Say you want my body
Give me your lust
And i promise I'll give you mine

Say you like me just one more time.

"Life is art,  it's this huge blank canvas that we paint stories on every moment since the day we were born."

I used to love the sound of your voice now it screams in my head and my ears are bleeding

Hushed voices
Silent cries
Soulless eyes
Hearts full of lies

There are so many eyes in the world and I can only see yours

I still wish someone would save me.

Staring at you, you look like the rest of my life, in one body.

I am constantly tearing apart my insides to search for any sign of life that is still left breathing

I met you not to long ago,
You had a heart full of sadness
And a mind full of madness
Now you are like the ocean
You change at an instant,
But not because your crazy,
Beause your used to being hurt.
You flow with the morning tides and wash away the pain of a cloudy day,
You collide with anxiety at times when theres no way up, or the view is too high.
You crash into things with a whole heart and a steady head.
You are the ocean, you are strong
But you can break.

Have you ever ran so far your heart races and your lungs are screaming for oxygen? Thats how I feel everytime you look at me. Though I'm never running, just standing still. Watching.

i am a ******* mess

i am a ******* mess

i am a ******* mess

i am a ******* mess

Why did you hurt me? Why did you break every piece of my heart? I loved you with everything and you shattered me. I tore down my walls for you and you left me in ruins.
I have cried rivers and I have climbed mountains for you and I used to love the view when you get to the top but now all I can think is why don't I just jump?

Staring into his eyes I was kissing the devil in the pale moonlight.

You can see the sadness in his eyes,
Like storm clouds waiting for the rain
You can see it in his veins,
The blood streaming like rivers,
You can see it through his words,
Sounding like a hurricane,
You can see it in the way he holds himself,
Like its brought him to his knees but he stands up continuously
You can see it his hands,
Shaking with anticipation.

When you look at him,
You may see his pain,
His sadness,
His greif.
But you can see the light,
The stars that twinkle at night.
Hes oh so beautiful
Without trying to be.
His wisdom took the best of him,
He cant seem to realize
The greater parts of himself
That make me wonder why hes sitting here with me.
Maybe he will look at you again,
And you see the clouds start to fade,
Dull dark gray.

You showed up into my life when everyone had left.
My boyfriend just walked out on me and i was alone.
I needed a new home, someplace to go.
You walked through my door
Smiling with wide eyes and open arms.
I didnt realize your feelings towards me till that one night i fell down and got hurt,
You carried me in your arms,
Up the stairs
And through the hall
You stayed with me all night
To make sure i was alright.
I started to feel something,
Just one butterfly.
Until that night ontop of the water tower
All our friends climbing so high we could touch the stars with our finger tips,
Sitting side by side,
Smoking cigarettes
I could feel your hand inch closer to mine,
Till your warmth spread through out me and thats when i knew you'd break my heart.
After that night we filled our days with something close to love but not quite.
You always got drunk with our friends, and from the corner of the room where i stood, i watched you laughing so hard you'd cry,
I could see your smile spread from eye to eye.
You made the whole room feel warm,
Your brown eyes ******* me into your arms
And when our lips met, i felt everything.
Every butterfly,
Every nerve in my body,
Every twitch of muscle,
Every part of me was on fire,
And just a couple days later you became my worst nightmare,
I saw the darkest part of you
And i never was able to look at you again.
You changed me in ways that i didnt even know were possible.
You gave me a living hell,
And im broken
Unable for my wounds to ever be mended again.
I never thought i loved you, until i started writing this down.
And now i realize,
It was real.

I promised you that I would follow you into the dark, but I never knew that the darkness was buried deep inside your chest

In every bottle
I swallow
Theres pain
Like a **** hurricane
In every cigarette
Theres regret
Every exhale
I feel pale
In every book i read
I feel like i should plead
On my knees
For the hurting to cease
In every look in the mirror
Theres terror
In every falling tear
Theres unimaginable fear
Im giving up
Because I've had enough.

I fear no evil
Because it is inside me
I see the demons
They are my friends
I dont talk much
But i hear whispers in my head

I fear no darkness
Because it is all around me
I see the gravestones
They are my home
I dont think much
But they control my thoughts

I fear no death
Because it is in my soul
I see my lifeless eyes
They are empty holes
I dont feel much
But im already dead

You are the stars in the sky

You are the beat of my heart

You are the frozen ice in the trees in the midst of winter

You are the cool breeze on a hot summer day

You are the song I have on replay

You are the the warm blood running through my cold veins

You are the still water in the river by the abandoned house

You are the light in the darkest of night

You are the love in sad dark mind

Will you still hold me when my body goes numb and I can't even feel my own heart beat, let alone yours?

I hate the rain because it's only enough to get my feet wet, and not enough to let me drown.

I've always wondered what im afraid of exactly.
I know i have fears,
And that im constantly afraid.
But i want to be put in a room,
With my fears looking me straight in the face,
I want the racing heart
Shaky hands
Unstable breaths
Maybe im a little insane,
But aren't we all?

Maybe its the way your lips curl into a smile that reach your eyes when I say your name. It could be the way your laugh comes deep from your stomach, or the way your hair twists into my fingers. The way your hands fits perfectly in mine, completely intertwined. Maybe its the way you kiss me, where the kiss is so hard and emotional you can't seem to get enough. It could be the way your hand caresses my face, or the way you cradle my body where we are almost one. Maybe its the way you giggle when I touch you there, that pure smile of excitement.

I don't know how you did it, but I can't get your face out of my head.

"And with my last shaking breath I'd ask you why."

My body is starting to decay without you

You think you know someone till thier life is put to the test.
They shrink like a coward,
They hide behind every wall or corner they can find.
While you stand there,
Taking every bullet to the chest.

Maybe it's the sound of your name that brings me to my knees
But maybe its my lungs telling me to breathe

You broke me. Completely shattering every piece of my well being. Tearing apart my insides like a game you love to play.

You might have fancy cars,
diamond watches,
designer clothes,
and money.
But just think about this for a second,
our coffin will be the same size,
our dead bodies will rot in the same way,
and our bones are the same bones.
So why shame me for who i am? for what i have.
Because on the inside, we're all the same.

I am not your first love.
You are not the first person I have looked at with a mouthful of possible forevers.
We have known more heartache than most, loosing hope in love stories
Because we have both known loss like the jagged edges of a dull knife.
We had given up on love.

Our love came unannounced in the middle of the night.
Our love came without forage or fight.
It came when we had given up on asking love to come.
But here we are your hand in mine laughing, under the setting sun.

I will write poems to the pieces of you that you can’t seem to find, like they got stolen or lost along the way to find a home. I will write novels to the scars above your waist. I will write a dictionary of all the words I have used trying to describe the way that it feels to have finally found you.  I will kiss you with forgiveness because you will never be forgot.
I will not be afraid of your scars and worn out pages, because even if it’s hard to let me see you in all your cracked perfection I want you to know

That wether it is the days you burn
More brilliant than the sun,
Or the nights spent cradling a bottle of ***
To wash away thoughts of yesterday
You are the one who stole my heart, and that’s something I find so hard to give.
I will love you when you are a still day,
And I will love you when you are a hurricane.
Because no mater how bad the rain
There’s always sunshine after a storm.

I want a rebellion
I want an out cry against the system
They think its okay to shut us down
And tape our mouths shut
They think were scared of them
In reality were scared of what they can do
They will push us to our breaking points
But we rise against them with the fighting that we go through in our bodies in our everyday life
We will take out the enemy with every last breath we breathe
I am not scared of my government
I know i can stand up, hold my ground
They might have guns
They might have money
But **** it they cant take away my pride
Or my anger towards there power.
People stay quiet
But i wait for the day,
That they are afraid of us,
Because we are more powerful
And we can take apart their power and shove it down their throats
Maybe im a little malicious
But the things I've seen
And the **** they've done
Have made me this way.

I heard our song tonight
I remember when you told me that it reminded you of me
And then a beautiful smile flashed across your face
As we listened to it in the car that day
With the windows rolled down
And the wind flowing through our hair
Then we stopped at a park
And you told me you loved me with all your heart
As we stared at the midnight sky
The stars were twinkling so bright,
Like your eyes
Then you said i was the only one who could make you feel whole again
And you kissed me with an open mouth allowing me to only breathe the breath you gave me
All i wanted was that night to last forever
But now im sitting here listening to our song
Wishing for the pain to go away
And the memories flushing through my mind like it was yesterday,
And all the stars line up perfectly like they did that night
As i sit here looking at the stars that were once ours
I only wish that it would have lasted forever,
But now I've come to realize that nothing lasts, and people leave,
Especially when you need them.

We sit at the table with joined hands
And say grace
But then you sit there and say what your thankful for.
Are we thankful that this so called "god" gave us this life?
Are we thankful that he's put us through hell with tied hands that can't do anything?
Are we thankful that he gave us situations where we were supposed to be strong but he let us break?
Why should we be thankful for a god who doesnt exist for a life we dont wish we had.
We are the kids who sit at tables with joined hands but open eyes with tears starting to form because we are not thankful.

I have a hidden love for shadows,
A darkness that follows all.
I seek them with a lust hidden deep below,
The thought that death cannot make me fall.
For it is this life that’s filled with evil and malice to the unknown

We've spent many lives loving the same people we love in this lifetime. We will love then in the next, our hearts will shatter by the same man, just a different face. In this life, and in the life before this, we all fall in love with the same person.

Your voice makes the blood im my veins dry
Your smile takes every last breath i breathe
Your soul takes my heart to the grave
Your body makes my skin shiver

I get a rush of nervousness when I see you walk my way
I feel flushed when you say my name
I shake with anticipation when you touch my face
I feel relieved when you breathe on my neck and tell me im all you've ever needed

You make me feel crazy
But i swear i couldn't be happier

You, such an amazing girl. Your mind, the way you look at things and express your feelings in your writing I think is just amazing. You don't ever give yourself credit when its due. You work so hard to make the the people you care about happy. And it killed me inside when you said you thought you werent supposed to be her. Dude as much as you work, you deserve it. You taught me its ok to cry. To don't give up. Keep trying. And supported me through everything and that's something no one has ever done for me and I'm thankful and I don't know what this world would be like if you weren't here. Times get hard as hell and they hurt like *** but you keep going, you never stop. I feel like you need to be appreciated more. I've never met someone as strong as you. Your the reason I'm as strong as I am today. You literally haven't left me ever. You showed me what it feels like to be loved in a way
that not so much people get to experience. Is true friendship. To me your my best friend. I don't want you to think for a second your not worth it. Your beautiful. They don't make them like you anymore.

You just wanted someone to *******.

He said,"I could never let you go."
She replied, "baby, you already left."

At this time last year i was in love
I was happy
I felt free
I thought i belonged
My heart was whole
And i was a person

Now, at this moment
I am alone
I cant seem to smile
I feel contained
I am an outcast
My heart is shattered in pieces across the floor, like broken glass
And now, i cant tell the difference,
If im a monster
Or if im just invisible.

My body is numb
My heart is racing
I cant stop shaking

Ghosts will follow us into the dark,
They will roam around in our hearts,
They will tell us beautiful words,
Then tear us apart.
They will try drown us,
But we know how to swim.
We shall not be put in shadows by our enemies,
We will rise from the darkness with our black shadows
And we will shine the light in their eyes,
We will burn them to the hell they came from.
Because we are not worthless.