i'm in human error with you, do you chemical defect me?

let's get drunk and tell eachother everything we're afraid to say sober. and by that I mean you sit and listen to everything I'm angry about. if your voice mail was set up it would probably be full of venom. id like to repeat to you every lie you ever told me over and over again until you're sobbing. remember when you told me I was the last girl for you? that's my favourite. sometimes I read the letter you sent to me and I can't help but laugh. thanks for proving "just because they said I love you first doesn't mean they'll love you last" is true. what's it like realizing you let the best thing that ever happen to you go? I hope you're happy settling for second best. remember that time you chose drugs over me? I can't keep count. I'd like to pretend that you really care how I'm doing but I get the feeling we both know it's not true. remember that time I told you to run if you were going to leave because it was now or never? you told me the same thing; your now must have been more extended than mine. sometimes it comforts me to know we live under the same sky, then I think about the time you told me you would box the sky up for me if you could. how does it feel to know I can't see a sunset without cringing?

I hope I break my neck, on the way down from the back steps of your ego.

im so convinced that
your lips were never meant to
be graced with mine
and yet here i am again
sitting on your lap and
letting you
kiss
my neck and
grab parts of me that
don't belong to
you.

i guess the thing is...
they don't belong to me
either.

how much blood will seep from my skin
until you can figure it out with your
tiny mind that i am not yours to
use and i am not even my own
anymore and i am dead,
i am dead,
i am dead.

how many times will i kiss your
scars until i realize I'm the one who
put them there and what will it
take for me to feel something other than
the numbness i feel right
now?

how many more days and nights will i
have to endure this pain until
i just end it for myself
already?

i want you,
oh dear,
i need you.
but,
there's something
i must do and
it doesn't include



you.