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3.5k · Nov 2011
Clever Memory.
R A Sanders Nov 2011
Clever memory,
Must you float away from me,
Leaving me chasing,
Something that was temporary given to me,
Clever thought in my mind,
Giving graciously all to me,
Taking up all this time,
Please don't leave me to forget,
The best thing I had,
Don't leave me now,
But for now you stay,
In the back of my mind,
Teasing me with fading away,
You clever little memory.
2.7k · Feb 2013
Emotionless
R A Sanders Feb 2013
I've been making promises all week,
Telling all these men that they're the ones for me,
But I have to be honest with you,
I don't feel anything,
I'm just on a roller coaster of emotions
and now I'm going for the loop,
And everyone behind me is screaming,
But I'm just along for the ride,
I don't think you understand my situation,
My dad left when I was nine,
and I've never been the same since that time,
He was in my life,
and loved me,
Then he up'd and walked away,
I don't think you can even say he loved me,
Men don't do that to their daughters,
I guess there's suppose to be some kind of unbreakable bond,
Well we showed them wrong,
Just like we always did,
I meet new guys every night,
Who hold me close and tell me they love me,
But  I hate all the words,
I just smile and tell them I need to be getting home,
Maybe one night I won't want to go home,
But I doubt it,
I don't feel a thing.
2.4k · Oct 2012
Convincing.
R A Sanders Oct 2012
I've never been good with my words,
You know that,
When I try, my temper only rises,
I don't have some complex way to tell you how I'm feeling,
It all just comes out simple,
Maybe that's because I'm just a simple person,
I'm so typical it kills me,
I'm another clone in society,
But something about you,
You saved me.

I didn't have a heart,
I swear, I really didn't,
There was just a hole,
And the older I became, the hole grew deeper,
I tried to fill the hole,
With useless things that I'd convince myself were important,
But all those things, they weren't important at all,
They always fell through,
and I was left with that hole,
Then you came along,
And for the first time ever,
The hole started to cover,
And a growth began,
The growth, grew into my heart,
It was all because of you.

When I tell you, you saved me,
I don't mean that I was about to burn in a building,
Or drown in the ocean,
It's much more then that,
You gave me a reason to live,
Not just be alive,
And if you've ever been there you know the difference,
But I pray that you never have,
Because someone like you,
You should never hurt at all,
You're a adventure, the bright morning sky,
Nobody has ever shined so bright in my life.
R A Sanders Nov 2011
I hear the clock tick on,
I count every second on my fingers,
I toss and turn in my grandmother's bed;

I hear Godfather on the TV,
I count the minutes till the noise stops,
I toss my hair back and turn back to the wall;

I hear the window break,
I count the men that are trying to break in,
I toss back the covers and turn to the closet;

I hear the gun shot fire,
I count the men that fall to the floor,
I toss the gun aside, and turn on the light;

I hear the sirens,
I count the puddles of blood,
I toss back the covers, and crawl into bed.
1.6k · Jan 2013
Pills.
R A Sanders Jan 2013
I don't know when I became so dependent on the pills,
I think it was after the third or forth move,
When I was chasing away nightmares that kept coming true.
It started as just a way to sleep,
I was tired constantly,
And my body constantly pleaded for sleep,
The pills gave me that peace.
My life has never been simple,
I never just had a place to live,
Just had two normal parents,
A few siblings,
I never lived a good life,
It used to really bother me,
But for a moment when I swallowed the pills,
I forgot,
It was the only feeling I never fault,
It's not an addiction,
It's a way of life,
Just pass me the oxy,
I'll be alright.
1.6k · Dec 2012
You Don't Know Me
R A Sanders Dec 2012
I don't think you understand what you're getting into,
You think I'm attractive,
Clever at times,
But you don't know me.
You've heard me converse,
You say I have a cute laugh,
And you say you're ready,
Ready for all the baggage I always seem to bring,
But maybe you should understand,
I've never loved anything,
And you won't change anything..
Maybe you should think twice,
Take the hint and run,
I'm so lost in this world,
That there's no sight of the road,
This is for your own good,
You don't know what I've been through,
So maybe it's best if you take the warning and leave,
You don't know me.
1.5k · Dec 2012
Paths
R A Sanders Dec 2012
I came to a cross road,
The first one I think I had ever been to,
There I straddled a thin line,
Between my faith and fear,
And I stood there just staring at my feet.
My Grandmother always told me,
Just let life unfold,
But it's a terrible thing being taken from everything you know,
And I had no control,
That was the scariest thing.
I heard faint voices down both paths,
I heard their judgmental tones,
But I couldn't make out what they were saying,
Maybe if I did I could of made a choice,
But sometimes I didn't even know if the choice was actually mine.
I was always a victim of some terrible situation,
One after another, after another,
The same situations had made me cold and indecisive,
After all, there's only so many times a kid can rebuild all those walls,
I had my heart broken more times then I could count,
I got to the point that most of the time I didn't even know if my heart was there,
I had moments where I checked my pulse, because to be living I didn't feel very alive.
So I was standing there,
And all I wanted to do was turn around and run,
And when I knew I should of made a choice between the two,
I cut through the trees,
And made a path of my own,
I disappointed everyone I knew,
But maybe they didn't know me very well at all,
Cause I was self destructing and nobody knew.
1.4k · Mar 2013
Waking Up Without You
R A Sanders Mar 2013
I don't want to wake up without you,
Like I've done so many nights before,
I'm sure you can't hear your phone over the music,
I bet the last thing your thinking about is coming home,
I know you're not worried that I'm here alone,
Or about the sounds that wake me up,
I keep staring at the ceiling,
Waiting for your call,
Wondering who'll drive you home,
I guess I should of known what I was getting into,
I met you at a party after all,
You were the life of the party,
The light in the room,
Everyone just watched at you stumbled around,
I thought you'd change your ways,
I thought you'd love me more,
I was so idiotic for believing it to be true,
I'm curled up with a glass of wine,
It's the only thing to calm my nerves,
And tonight I'm praying hard,
That you'll come home tonight.
1.3k · Oct 2012
Not That Girl Anymore.
R A Sanders Oct 2012
Parted fingers made it hard to see,
I was that girl,
I was scared of everything,
But I'm finally getting older,
This time has made me wiser at times,
I've watched people come, then walk by,
The broken roads threw me off my tracks,
But I'm learning how to get back my feet.
Words hurt me worse,
More then a fist ever could,
I was the girl,
I wouldn't do anything about it,
But through my hard work,
I've learned,
I'm actually worth something,
So I'm wise enough,
To tell you to go on your way.
My hands won't shake,
My knees won't tremble anymore,
When you decided to scare me,
All my insecurities,
They lead back to you,
but I'm not that girl anymore,
I've learned to get back to my feet,
I'm wiser then you think,
I'm not that girl anymore.
1.3k · Oct 2012
Spinning.
R A Sanders Oct 2012
I'm spinning,
Round and round,
And I see you,
But I can't stop to touch you,
Instead I just reach for you,
But I know I'll never be able to touch you,
I just can't seem to slow down.
Pictures are fading,
It's a blur,
Yet, Whenever I come around I see you there,
Not your face,
Or any intricate detail of you,
Just the form of you,
The way your standing,
I know it's you there,
But you're gone with the wind,
And I'm spinning still,
And I just can't stop.
1.3k · Nov 2011
Old and Gray
R A Sanders Nov 2011
When I am old and gray,
And walk with a sway,
and a leopard cane,
and this tattoo starts sagging;

When I am old and gray,
With these bones that start lacking,
And these ***** that are sagging
And I start falling away;

When I am old and gray,
And set in my ways,
With a smile on my face,
And a grandchild at my feet,

When I am old and gray,
What a happy little old person,
I'll be,
with curls in my hair,
And a pleasant memory,
What a sweet old woman I'll be.
1.3k · Nov 2011
Harper.
R A Sanders Nov 2011
Dear Harper Lee,
My little niece to be,
My heart was given to thee,
The moment you were conceived;

Dear Harper Lee,
My little angel to see,
To show you the world,
Would be an honor to me;

Dear Harper Lee,
Your five months away,
My beauty and my heart,
I'll think of you each day,
My little Harper Lee
1.3k · Sep 2012
Me.
R A Sanders Sep 2012
Me.
I'm stubborn,
You'll never be right,
I'm temperamental,
Even on my best nights,
I'm cold-hearted,
Even when I try,
I'm not anyone you want to meet.

I take chances,
I run away from my fears,
It's a new place every night,
I can't be controlled.

I can't admit to what I need,
I can't ask for your arms around me,
I'm a mess,
How could you love me,
I love that you love me.
1.2k · Mar 2013
Marvin
R A Sanders Mar 2013
I was just a young lady,
Working to be something that I wasn't,
Night and day, no weekends off,
Minimum wage, flirting for tips,
It was a job, and that was it.
I was bagging up an order,
Grilled Pork chop, green beans and fries,
when a large man took me by surprise,
Said are you really going to work here, you should enjoy your life,
I just blew him off, didn't give him a second thought,
He told me I should be kid while I still could,
But the truth was I hadn't been a kid for a long time.
1.2k · Nov 2012
Strangers Again.
R A Sanders Nov 2012
If you don't mind,
And you don't take it personally,
Next time we see each other,
Could we just ignore each other.
If it was up to me,
We would still be together,
But the past memories when you brush by,
They take me away,
So if you don't mind,
Don't say "Hey",
Or look at me with those deep blue eyes,
Trying to start a conversation,
About how we keep going on with our lives,
But we both know,
That this separation is painful,
And this speaking isn't making it better,
Time always pulls us back together,
So that's it,
Can we just be strangers again.
1.2k · Nov 2012
The After Math.
R A Sanders Nov 2012
It's been three weeks,
I'm an antidepressant away from being okay with this,
I'm just numbing the pain,
I'm tired of feeling this way,
The worst part is, you just don't understand,
You think I'm being dramatic,
But that didn't keep me from wanting to jump in front of a train,
It's whatever though,
I just want to go,
And you'll never know until I'm gone,
That you actually gave a ****.
1.2k · Dec 2011
I Don't Love Him.
R A Sanders Dec 2011
Down the aisle he followed,
Whispering to turn back,
He pulled at my hair,
Tore at my dress,
Constantly telling me it's not right,
Secretly I knew,
I knew that wasn't the man I loved,
I knew I gave my heart away long ago,
But I continued to the alter,
As though I had no choice;
When I got to the first step,
I was pulled back,
Maybe from the man on my shoulder,
Maybe from the man in my heart,
And away I ran,
With my in-laws wide eyed;
I'm sure his mother cheered,
I'm sure my mother cried,
But I don't love him,
Lord knows I tried.
1.1k · Sep 2013
The Loner.
R A Sanders Sep 2013
He held her while she shook; violently, terrified.
When the shaking ceased she stood still as stone, and waited for the tears to fall,
but when the tears didn’t fall,
and the earth began to shift she walked on.
Pushing the arms that had held her through the fight, she pushed forward as her world fell back.
The darkness grew and the cold became bitter, and she walked on alone,
because lonely was all she ever knew.
1.1k · Nov 2011
The "High Life"
R A Sanders Nov 2011
I smoked a cigarette,
I took my inhaler,
I argued with my dog,
I took him out to ***;
Oh the glamour of my life,
What a person I choose to be;

I slipped in the shower,
I got soap in my eyes,
I have a bruise on my shoulder,
I got cut on my thigh,
Oh how nice is the high life,
but a web I weave;

I burnt my breakfast,
I had a drink,
My house caught on fire,
I watched it flame,
Oh how hot this life is,
What a light I see;

Me, on my pedestal,
Me, high on life,
Me, with my high expectations,
Me, taking flight,
Oh what a life I life,
What a person I choose to be,
What a fool I am,
What a fool I like to be.
1.1k · Oct 2012
Liam.
R A Sanders Oct 2012
The water pulls back and forth,
It's wild and calm and beautiful,
I want to live there,
In all of that controlled chaos,
I'm leaning against the golden rail,
The lights are shining behind me,
The musics humming in my ear,
People pass by me,
They try to interact with me,
But they don't interest me at all.
All that ocean air is wrapped in my hair,
It's curling at the ends,
I'm suffocating in the smell,
I swear it'd be the happiest death I'd ever see,
Now a hand is on the small of my back,
I don't dare turn around,
His contact against my skin
feels just like getting lost at sea,
His scent and the water,
The whisper of his voice against the wind,
My knees are buckling,
I'm on stilts a thousand feet tall,
Is my temperature really rising,
How does he do this to me?
I pull closer to the cool rail,
I use it to balance myself,
I try to seem calm and cool,
But everything I love is standing on both sides of me,
And I'm wanting to let go,
Falling rapidly into them,
But his arm goes around my waist,
I'm sinking into his hand,
I'm doomed.
He's right there staring into the water,
Leaning against the railing,
The boat has us both a little unsteady where we stand,
But I've never been so planted,
I've never loved like this,
The blue eyes I've came to know so well are shining against the waves,
Then they look at me,
For a moment I lose it,
I cling to his chest,
A chill runs up my spine,
But I'm so warm,
Right there in his arms,
I'm floating along,
I lean in to savor the sensation,
Then with the wind,
There his ghost is gone again,
I lean over the rail,
I did everything to be in his arms again,
Then into both my loves I go,
It's the happiest death I came to know,
Because without him I'm nothing,
Together we're a wave in the ocean,
The high tide on the shore,
Something wild and new,
Don't morn us,
Just look for the boat on the horizon,
That's where we'll be,
Together.
1.0k · Nov 2012
Bad Timing
R A Sanders Nov 2012
I met you at a bad time,
In a bad economy,
With heels that were to high,
And the weather was cold.
I didn't mean to get to know you,
I didn't mean to ever fall in love,
One of us was already hurt,
I didn't mean to make that number two.
I don't know how to ask you to forgive me,
For everything I did,
The list goes on and on,
To running away from everything you gave me,
To our last fight on the drive home,
I don't think there's any way possible that I could find another you,
Or anyone that could make me feel the way you do,
I don't know why I ended it all,
I don't have a reason that will make you feel better,
I do love you,
My love for you is the only thing that keeps me alive,
Maybe I just wasn't ready,
I just had so much trouble believing in your feelings,
Now I'm here alone,
And all I want to do is to call you,
But I know you won't pick up,
I didn't mean any of it,
Forgive me,
Come home.
1.0k · Feb 2013
Underdogs
R A Sanders Feb 2013
Are you okay,
Your breathing hard,
Maybe it's finally all sunk in,
Maybe you're losing your mind,
It's been a hard few months,
But I swear to you, me and you will be fine,
That's just what we do,
When you don't have a choice, you just live,
You do what you have to do,
All you do is fight through,
That's what we know,
Don't be ashamed of that,
We're always the underdogs,
But even the underdogs hit it big sometimes.
991 · Nov 2011
Pills and Alcohol
R A Sanders Nov 2011
Police cars and ambulances,
Pills and alcohol,
If you took one, you take them all;

No concern for your daughters,
No concern for your wife,
If you said your sorry, you expected it to be alright;

Failed liver,
Stomach full of pills,
If you wanted to die, you'll succeed it;

All alone,
by yourself,
If you would of kept your promises, it wouldn't be this bad.
988 · Sep 2012
The Knot On My Rope..
R A Sanders Sep 2012
It was so easy back then,
I didn't have a care in the world,
I didn't care who I hurt,
I had no concern for who I broke,
The world shifted for me,
You put everything in perspective,
You changed everything.
It's really quite scary,
To feel this way,
For once I felt whole,
I knew I'd never be the same after that day,
You see, When you find that missing piece,
You want to glue that piece into your puzzle,
Because without you (my piece),
I'm just half a picture,
And no matter who tries to paint or draw,
No matter who tried to morph into the shape,
It just wasn't the same,
Not like you fitting,
Not like you being with me.

I don't think you fully understand,
How cold I was,
I didn't know how to love,
I didn't know how to accept love,
Somehow I changed,
I'm different now,
I don't care about another drink,
Any other man,
Because with you something's different,
I knew,
The whole time,
I knew,
When you spoke my name,
It wasn't you just calling to me,
It was a sign from the soul,
It was like a song to my heart,
No one had ever made it that close to my heart.

Most of the time I don't even know how you do it,
The way you nurture me when I need it,
The way you give the good,
The way you take the bad,
You're selfless when it comes to me,
You're not scared to hurt my feelings,
Yet, you never aim to hurt,
You're graceful and tact when you speak,
I would of gave up on me,
I would of left my pretty little *** in the dust,
But not you,
You're the knot on my rope,
I love you too much.
966 · Jul 2013
Round and Never Round
R A Sanders Jul 2013
I'm lying in bed, Watching the fan,
Wondering how you could say those hurtful things you said,
Wondering how I could of been so dumb,
I guess dumb and love goes hand in hand when your young,
And I'm so young,
And I'm so in love;
And now you're not around.
http://thestepsprogram.blogspot.com/
962 · Oct 2012
The Blinded Man.
R A Sanders Oct 2012
You don't see,
Everyone loves you,
They love you,
He loves you,
She loves you,
But most importantly I love you,
And you never see that,
You're to busy looking for someone who doesn't exist,
It's all an act,
You're so scared of being hurt,
But I can make promises, that they won't.
All those other women,
They didn't wait for you like I have,
They didn't try anything just to make you smile,
and try to comfort you in your darkest moments.
I wish you'd just open your eyes and see me,
Not the friend your so close to,
But open your eyes to a woman,
A woman who's been standing here loving you
ever since I met you,
Don't be afraid,
My love doesn't fade,
I'll be here forever,
I can't help it,
I couldn't leave if I tried,
Without you my pieces are broken,
I'm lost in this world,
Maybe you'll never realize,
and I'll be watching from the outside,
I'm just waiting for you to love me,
Like I've always loved you.
950 · Nov 2012
Have You Ever Thought Of Me
R A Sanders Nov 2012
You're sitting on a stool,
Nearest to the door,
Slurring words about the past,
Saying how you were so *******,
How you said a lot of things, that you wouldn't take back,
You drink cheap beer and liquor,
It's the only thing that keeps you alive,
I wonder if you ever wish I was there,
I'm just a ghost now,
Haunting every memory,
Somewhere between drunk and sober,
I hang around there,
You stumble out into the parking lot,
Pass out beside the cars,
You hardly know where you are,
But that's how you like to be,
And I just wonder if you ever think of me,
If you ever thought I was good enough of a reason to stop it,
But I'm gone with the wind,
While I was leaving, you were sitting here,
With one hand on the bottle,
One foot in the grave,
At a bar with black walls,
And while a drink was calling your name,
I called "Daddy come back here."
925 · Oct 2012
On To The Next One.
R A Sanders Oct 2012
I left a trail of broken hearts along my way,
I burnt bridges, Never turning back,
Every man was warned, hurting's what I do best,
But they chased, and I showed how much I cared...
Along the highway, my hair in the breeze,
I'll be out of this town, and into the next.

I warned it was nothing serious,
I just needed affection,
If they can't do one night, then maybe I should be onto the next,
They always fall in love,
They swear they won't,
They underestimated me,
I'm the best at a hit and run,
It never means anything to me,
They never understand.

As I go they always yell,
"Why are you so heartless?"
I always wonder the same thing,
Then I'm taken back,
I almost crash,
I was the one in love,
I was the one left,
Now I'm just taking the highway out of here,
Trying to feel again.
905 · Nov 2012
Wanting
R A Sanders Nov 2012
I used to cry myself to sleep every night,
While you were only God knows where,
I grasped the sheets,
Cried into my pillow,
And one of the things that hurt the most,
Was knowing,
You weren't thinking about me.
I thought maybe,
Just maybe,
One day I'd be good enough of you,
But you expect perfection,
And that was something I couldn't reach.
I've been the wandering sort lately,
Waiting for the day I'll just wander right into you,
Maybe I'm just wishful thinking,
Or maybe I'm a glutton for punishment,
But I think it comes down to,
Wanting what you can't have,
And you slip through my fingers every time.
901 · Mar 2013
Salon
R A Sanders Mar 2013
I had a thought today while I was getting my nails done,
Just what if this was meant to last,
I mean, would it be such a crazy thing,
If you and I ended up being the two,
I remember the day we met,
I was such a mess,
A few beers in,
It wasn't my most classiest moment,
But I knew it wasn't the alcohol making me fall for you,
You drove a jacked up Chevy,
I was wearing shoes that cost more then your tires,
We didn't match,
But I've seen crazier things happen,
Then the day I fell in love with you.
891 · Oct 2012
Stay.
R A Sanders Oct 2012
Was this really the last time,
If it is I don't want out of this bed,
I don't think you want this either,
We just aren't making sense,
We're having one of our bad nights,
We're both just hurting a little to much,
Let's just stay quite,
Hold me tight like you used to,
I'm not letting go of you,
I always feel a little to much love for you,
I'm always scared to lose you,
Without you, what am I?
Just half a person,
A empty hand,
All these spaces in between my fingers,
My brains going a million different ways,
I want you here babe,
So please stay.
891 · Oct 2012
Mine.
R A Sanders Oct 2012
We always fight,
It's just what we do,
We aren't the same people,
Sometime we aren't even compatible,
I hate the way you use the toothpaste,
You don't like the music I listen to,
If I had a chance at some perfect guy,
Who did everything like me,
Who always comforted me,
Who's always sweet,
I'd still pick you.
What's the fun in perfect,
That means everything's the same,
You keep me on my toes,
In a way that no one else ever has.
I hate your temper,
You hate mine,
But I love you,
And we'll be alright,
Because at the end of the day,
I'm happy you're mine.
881 · Mar 2013
Onward
R A Sanders Mar 2013
I spent so long thinking about you, that I can't seem to think about anything else,
The way your hands feel, The way your smile spreads, The way my heart feels when your around,
I've been thinking about how long we've been together, and how I don't know how to not be with you,
I started this relationship with you, but I didn't really have any expectations,
I just thought, "He's gorgeous, I want to date that." but my thoughts quickly changed from looks to,
I like his looks, but I love his heart,
And maybe that's when I really started falling in love with you, or maybe that was point where I was to far to ever come back, but then again; the two moments are practically interchangeable,
I remember our first date, and then our second date, and our third date, and that moment when I realized every time I saw you, it was like the first time; you always gave me butterflies,
So it comes to this, Where I'm about to go to college, and you're to big for this little town to hold,
and I swear I'm not mad, I just hope you remember me where ever you go,
and your heart always has a home with me.
863 · Dec 2012
Strangers at The Door
R A Sanders Dec 2012
Hey it's me again,
I heard you knock,
I'm letting you in,
Try not to be to shocked or floored,
I'm just trying to find what's living for,
And if it's me and you talking positively,
I'll just say I haven't found it yet,
But I doubt I'll find it at all,
I've never been good at finding the lost,
I'll leave that one up to God,
Because Lord knows I'm not good enough to do this on my own,
That's why I don't even try,
I dig holes so deep,
That the The Great Wall of China is just a jump into the dark,
I guess what I'm getting around to say is,
I'm not interested,
Have a nice day.
859 · Aug 2014
The Depression Question.
R A Sanders Aug 2014
What do you want me to say?
Oh I'm fine, yeah I'll be okay.
I'm not depressed
I don't have a reason why,
If you tell me not to be sad,
I guess I'll try.
I guess I won't sit up all night,
I guess I won't tear up or cry,
Because you told me not to, right?
I'm not depressed,
But I am and you don't mind.
839 · Mar 2013
These Days
R A Sanders Mar 2013
It's been a long few weeks,
Smoking cigarettes waiting to suffocate,
Drinking every night,
I guess I really am Daddy's little girl,
I've got all his tendencies,
I just do what I've got to do,
I've been in a really dark place,
Where lights can't touch the sea,
I can barely hear the crowd say my name,
Am I awake, am I conscious,
Working everyday,
Telling all my coworkers, that I'm okay,
Really I just want a shot of Jack,
It'll help me sleep,
I don't do much of that these days.
820 · Sep 2012
Giving Up.
R A Sanders Sep 2012
Another angry text,
Another night of yelling,
What are we doing anymore,
If you're that unhappy,
I'll show you to the door,
When you get half way out,
You always turn back..

I don't remember why,
but we're fighting again,
Usually I don't know why,
It turns to a contest,
Who can make the other hurt best,
We both end up wrecked,
Let's retire back to bed,
I can't do this anymore..
798 · Apr 2013
The Loser.
R A Sanders Apr 2013
Let's make a bet,
I bet this won't last,
I'll try to give you everything you've never had,
I'll go on about giving my heart away,
But at the end of the day I won't cry,
I won't care at all,
It'll be like I never fell hard,
That's probably cause I never did,
You're just another name on my list.
796 · Sep 2012
"Little Man"
R A Sanders Sep 2012
I apologize,
I love your everything,
but you deserve more then me,
We were together for so long,
but it felt so short,
One night when we thought things couldn't get worse,
You made some bad decisions,
I did to,
There you were wrapped up in her,
Your hands in her hair,
You didn't make love to her,
but you tried,
Even if you wished it was me,
It wasn't us that create a being.

I thought I'd stop loving you,
Then I saw that little child,
I thought I'd hate him to,
Instead I wished he was mine,
and by "mine" I mean ours,
He's everything that's right in this world,
His mother,
Your one night,
Decided she couldn't do it this time,
She left both of your sides,
But not I,
She doesn't know what she's missing,
That little boy takes everything I have inside,
and I thought I could leave,
I'll make promises this time,
He means more to me then I imagined,
I love that he's a part of you,
I love everything he does,
He's a miracle,
How could you walk out on someone like that,
When he reaches for me,
I can't turn away,
It's not just you I'm staying for.

Trust me, I'm not mad,
I never was,
Our mistakes brought him to the world,
Would you have been there that night,
Would you have been so upset,
All those things we said,
The screaming,
Would you of gone to that party,
Would you have drank so much,
Would you have created that beautiful boy.

I apologize,
Not because I don't love you,
Not because I don't love him to,
Because he needs a mother,
Things I can't do,
I love him like my own,
I want, us three to be a home,
but I'm just to young,
to give him what he needs,
he deserves more then me,
I apologize.
792 · Jun 2013
Eye Roll.
R A Sanders Jun 2013
I'm sitting in this empty booth,
Waiting to long for you to come,
I guess I'll just pay for my drink and go,
I'm tired of waiting for a man.
You always said it is what it is,
I shouldn't want it any other way,
And if I do, I should walk away from you,
I don't know why I want you around.
785 · Dec 2012
Ryan.
R A Sanders Dec 2012
There was something about him,
Something that made you just want to see him succeed,
And you never really knew why you were always pulling for him,
There were times when he failed,
He'd get this look of despair on his face,
He bit his lip,
He cursed to himself,
But the most capturing thing was that look of his,
That I gave my all, and failed look,
That same look tore you down to your very bones.
I watched him rebuild himself,
He would get so frustrated with himself,
I wanted to assure him that everything would work out,
But it was useless,
He only believed things he could see,
And he never seemed to see himself,
He never believed in himself.
Then there were these times when he succeed,
I'd just watch him grin all over himself,
His smile seemed a mile wide,
Those dimples would appear in his cheeks,
But he'd never speak a work about what he'd accomplished,
When you ever brought it up, He'd get embarrassed,
He never thought he did anything worth praising,
The thing is,
I don't ever think he realized that everybody was praising him,
No matter what he ever did,
I don't ever thing he realized that no matter what he did,
I was in love with him,
And I don't ever think he realized it.
782 · Oct 2012
No Way Out.
R A Sanders Oct 2012
Do you want to be with me,
Just standing here trying to breathe,
Every moment feels like my last,
But without you here, I could care less,
When you're around everything falls in place,
You made me believe in love again,
And that was no easy task,
I've never believed in anyone like, I've believed in you,
Can I just tell you the truth?
Every little thing I do,
Every step I make,
There's only ever one thing on my brain,
And that one thing happen to be you.

If we were ever to separate,
It's be my final cut,
I'd just wander through life,
Not living at all,
But maybe if I could see you happy,
Maybe I could get through it,
And just keep on feeling numb,
I just wonder how life would be worth it,
If I didn't wander through it with you.

Let's be honest,
You drive me insane,
Most of the time I feel like
it's not just my heart you took,
it was my brain to,
Your in every breath I breathe,
How do you do that,
Do I do that to you?
Is that why your around,
Is that why we're clinging to each other this way,
Maybe we've finally realized,
It's not just lust anymore,
There's no way out anymore.
778 · Dec 2012
Catch Me In Time
R A Sanders Dec 2012
Please don't touch the Christmas tree,
Leave all my things in the boxes,
I can hardly bare to look at the door,
I made choices,
I did things because I thought you'd be happy,
I learned quickly that I could never make you that way,
And although the fact shook me to my core,
I thought maybe we could just coexist,
We don't have to agree,
Maybe just stop the arguing,
But then you went and ripped me out of my home,
That was a heavy blow,
A lot to swallow,
I guess parts of me thought I could make the best of this,
As much as you think I don't try,
I did,
I don't know why when life changed for you,
It had to change so much for me to,
Sometimes I don't think you realize how much I gave up,
I know your ready to go,
I swear I won't even try to stop you,
It won't do any good anyway,
I just want you to notice once in a while,
That I'm really hurting,
I just want you to notice,
How much your plans are going to cost,
And for once I want you to see me falling,
And catch me in time.
775 · Jan 2013
Room to Roam.
R A Sanders Jan 2013
The weather was a little colder then a mild September,
I was driving fast,
Trees and cars blurred as I passed them,
I wasn't quite sure where I was going, but anywhere was better then here,
My phone kept ringing, over, and over, and over again,
Left to my own, thinking, that's what I really needed,
But no matter how far I drove, it wasn't quite far enough,
So I continued,
Through the day, Through the night,
Far beyond where the weeks turned to months,
Far beyond the months turned to years,
Although my endeavor has seemed so very short,
I've been gone quite a while according to others,
I think back to the place I was born,
About the hot Summers and cold Winters,
How the trees turned colors,
How every person had met,
It was such a peaceful place,
Yet, not I a place to think.
I must stop,
I must not go,
But there's something in my blood,
I desire to roam,
There's still whispers and thoughts,
About why I did all this running,
But my thinking is needed,
And my reasoning is simple,
I've just never been to good at staying in one place long.
770 · Oct 2012
Gate 24
R A Sanders Oct 2012
Gate 24,
Flight to New Orleans,
The people crowd it,
The planes boarding,
I watch you walk away.
You're wearing those dark jeans,
The same ones you wore when I met you,
I wonder if you even realize it,
You're still walking.

The suitcases roll across the ground,
You're carrying your red back pack,
The one we carried that late night we were together,
I want you to grasp it,
Just like I want to,
But honestly, I just want you to hold.

Stopping at the ramp,
You sent a text that said,
"I can't look at you,
you know,
I won't be able to go."
Then you were gone,
You kept walking.
765 · Nov 2012
Transition.
R A Sanders Nov 2012
I want you to greet me,
With open arms,
I want a place to call home,
I know this pain is temporary,
Some day I'll find rest,
I was thrown out into adulthood,
Now I can't get back,
Little girls become women,
The moment men can't be fathers,
I got lost in darkness,
I fell to the ground,
But only to feel where to stand,
I'm a woman now,
I stand on steady legs,
In stilettos high as the sky,
I don't stumble anymore,
I'm planted to the ground,
Doing what daddy never could..
759 · Oct 2012
I Never Lose Hope.
R A Sanders Oct 2012
Buried the fourteenth of July,
Another life that was worth saving,
Why'd you have to risk your life,
So less people would die,
Now you're six feet under,
But I wish you were coming to my door,
That you wouldn't knock,
That you'd just come in,
And pull me in your arms,
That I could taste your love one more time,
But it would never be enough.
All I hear is your name echoed in empty spaces,
All this time, it wasn't well wasted,
Now I'm sitting here staring out the window,
And I'm waiting for you to come home,
I never lose hope,
I'll count the stars until you come back here,
I can't accept the facts,
What's a heart that doesn't beat,
And I found my beat,
My love won't die for you,
But I'll die waiting for you to come back,
Because what good is half a person,
That's why I need you.
744 · Nov 2012
Your Rescue Letter.
R A Sanders Nov 2012
Dear Darling,
Where ever you might be,
I want to make things right,
I just don’t know how too,
I feel this is for the best,
But the thought of leaving is cutting me wide open,
When I told you I love you I meant it,
I’m trying to save you from the pain,
Because I’m no good for you,
I’m not even good for myself,
I’m one foot in the grave, the other foot's out the door,
I don’t have the power anymore,
I can’t do this to you,
I love you to much,
This is your rescue letter,
Don’t wonder where I am,
Where you are I’ll be,
In the whispers of the wind,
Through the shaking of trees,
When you look up at the stars,
I’m always where you are,
I love you to much to hurt you,
So please don’t wonder where I am,
I’m always right where you stand,
Don't hurt.
736 · Dec 2012
It Shall Not Pass
R A Sanders Dec 2012
There came a time,
Not far in the past enough for the pain to be numb,
The memories still swirl around in my head,
His hands were on me and nobody heard the screams,
Now every man I see, I see his face,
Somebody tell me how to cope with that,
I relive the trauma,
The scratches and scars,
Now I can't hear a knock on the **** door,
Without alarms going off in my head,
Now tell me how you shielded me from this,
How I was the favorite,
If this was my reward,
I hope I'm your last pick,
I didn't know why he picked me,
I don't know why I didn't tell you,
I just need a moment alone,
To wish this away,
But it never goes away,
I want to go away.
707 · Dec 2011
She/He
R A Sanders Dec 2011
She's wrapped up tightly, with one leg dangling off the bed,
He enters, She hears his every move,
She wonders if there's any use in begging anymore,
His draws open, He unzips the empty suitcase,
She feels her chest tighten,
He tosses things in the bag,
She tries not to gasp for air,
He closes his draws,
She tightens her grip on the sheets,
He walks to the closet,
She chokes back the lump in her throat,
He grabs his shoes,
She can't bare to move,
He walks to the bed, watches her struggle,
She wants to stop him,
He doesn't want to leave,
"Please, no." She pleads to herself,
"Tell me don't go" He continues to think.
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