a young boy, thin and bony
grew up,
grew up quiet and lonely
a young boy, the sweetest boy
grew up,
grew up filled with joy

a teenager, still quiet and lonely
grew up,
grew up with two friends only
a teenager, the nice guy
grew up,
grew up vulnerable and shy

a middle aged man, gone rotten
grown up,
grown up forgotten
a middle aged man, left broken
grown up,
grown up with emotions never spoken

Broken, cracked
But slightly intacted
Memories of battles
Still conquers my soul
Forward on new journeys maybe fate
Intuition as seen
Instability become stable indeed I must
Action Now accepted
My step that i now  taken
I am owner of mine thoughts I can feel my face if I believe myself without saying it's too late

Written  by Anna Howard

across the room,
I walked out of my living room door.
eyes concentrated,
drawn on the floors of my covered toes,
to the roof of my Afro.

Men stared at me with raw impure thoughts,
racing through their brains,
it was moment of galore for them,
that such exposure could have such an effect on their oblivious groins.

The clicking of my heels,
clicked on,
what could a woman do but walk on and remember that,
another like me, will soon again make him, him or even him,
turn heads
all simply because his just  being a man.

I love you
I have always loved you for the ways in which you are stubborn, yet free
the way how your face lights up and eyes squint when no one is watching except me, myself and I,
YES!
you are admirable,
difficult at times,
but beautiful
in the way you love me for me,
I never thought anyone could tolerate me like the way you do,
my terrible need to provoke people,
to see if their love for me was as real as their spoken ''truths''.
but you,
my friend,
my sister from another  mother, you have tolerated me thus far,
tried to guide me into giving up this hard shell I keep between yours and my heart,
but I've failed you now,
gone beyond breaking you at times,
I've become way too blind to notice these actions of mine towards you,
all because the mind took over the heart,
the heart became silent,
perhaps too stagnant to speak its own mind.
or maybe this is what I'll away be to you,
another last page in your book,
a book you tried turning the pages over and over again,
in hopes the story would move from situations to bright places,
but have come to conclusions that it'll never happen,
the inevitable does however remain
but no matter what happened between me and you,
I will always love you,
and wait.

These ******* fed you when you were still an innocent babe,
Between these legs of mine I cried and from beauty there was pain.
and yet you man whose media/society hyprocracy has become your GOD,
making you look down,
turn heads in shame,
on women who breast feed in public
why?

These golden opportunities given to you and I,
slowly slipping out of your hands not only because if you wanted it you could do anything just to get your hands on it,
but because you're defined by this so called hierarchy, 50 shades of skin tones, size, weight and body,
but if you don't fit into that category your nothing
you simply amount to nothing.
why?

You
Me
Us
brother,
sister,
mother,
father,
any figure.

when will you wake up from this superficial cloud we are all living?
breathing in the lies of how we should be living...
could this truly be what if means to be happy?

ode to the brave who still remain the same,
and will not allow anyone to try and change them because you are rare in this cruel world,
and your change is yet to come.

I wish there were no eyes to see
No tongue to taste
No air to breath
No feet to walk
No heart to feel
No mouth to talk
No hands to touch
No mind to think
No thoughts
Nothing
Not a single existence of this view in the mirror  before me.

For I've learnt that at the end of the day no matter how many times you try to be you
No matter how many times you try to be the fixer of all things
Life chews you up and throws you away on the grounds you were born from and your existence eventually means nothing to anyone.

Not a single one
So what's the point?
Why don't I just die
I've planned to commit suicide several times
But the timing doesn't seem right
Will it ever be?
My impregnated thoughts are slowly  killing me as they build up an army inside my mind, injecting their pictures into my blood stream stabbing words straight to my heart.
I want it all to disappear
Not now though
I need it to be the right time
I've still got hope
That maybe its part of life
But each day is killing me
All I want to do is sleep
I crave love yet I can't seem to find it
For wherever I do seems like no one can handle me or give like I give.
Perhaps I should go
I need to be alone
I need to die
I've come to a point that this life has no meaning
I have no meaning
I hate myself for being like this
I hate happy people with happy lives and happy dreams
How could I ever have their thinking
Their believes that there is something worth living for
My life feels poor
I can hear the exit door calling me
I need to stop these tears  from having a galore
I need to go.

I'm sorry if I leave the world broken and bruised as it still is
I'm sorry of I couldn't make a difference
I'm sorry if I hurt those that care about me
I'm sorry if I haven't given my enemies the chance to get back at me
I'm sorry for not following your purpose Lord
I guess you had so much plans for me and I slapped you in the face with death beneath your feet
Forgive me please

Hell is waiting
For the day I leave these grounds
It may be today or any other day
But I'm tired
The verge of giving up has become an understatement
Maybe I'm going crazy
But how can I not be when my heart carries on paining  each morning I awake.
It's suffocating me and one day I will make It all disappear I promise you my friend.
No sight of me shall reach your eyes
No taste shall come unto my tongue
No air shall I breath
No feet of mine shall walk unto your path
No heart shall you feel
Not a single word from my mouth shall you hear
No caring hands shall reach out to touch yours
No thoughts shall you ever read  from my lips
Nothing
Not a single view from this mirror shall ever ceize to exist.