He hit me once,
then again and again
I kept screaming...
But my voice was like words; without noise,
I cried out loud
But my tears made a meaningless tune.

Who would believe me?
Such a gentle face he has
His friends thought i was crazy
That i had provoked him
To them He is an Angel.

And now when i see him,
When he says sorry I wasn’t myself
When he says am his world...
It makes me so mad!!!
Its like for a moment; i cant breathe!
And i wonder how long
Before he hits again!
Isn’t that how it goes??

And i wonder if am unfair,
Not to be able to forgive
Or forget.

For now my solution
Is just to write it down
And unburden my heart.

She woke up drained,
Staring at a familiar stranger,
It was her mirror; yet the reflection so unfamiliar
Her face filled with anger,with regret
Of who she had become
Wondering how she got here
Wondering how she fell so deep
To this dark,ugly pit.

She looked around
Searching for answers
Looking for a rope to hold on
Or a familiar hand to grip
So she could stand up again
Her strength was dripping out
Drop by drop; like she had been stabbed deep.

Like a thief on a dark night,
Vulnerability has crept into her heart
She opened her heart to him
Just like million times before
She felt a great fear
Gripping her heart; afraid to be broken
Afraid of the pain that could befall her.

So she retreated
As fast as her heart could
She build a wall, not with stones
Nor with bricks
She built a wall of strength
A wall of hidden tears
A wall of silence.

This time it will be different..
She told herself,
She will not love blindly
For love can see through lies
Love can see doubts
Love can smell uncommitment
Love can smell secrets
She just had to keep the wall up
And she will.

we all hate to talk about it openly,
maybe coz the friends that let us down often are the ones we've shared most of our better lives and deep secrets with.
or maybe because we are scared of admitting our poor choices in life.

I mean don't you at once regret telling certain people so much and at the end of the day they use it against you go telling other people?

reality is that fakeness is the new trend in town among friends this days.
some people die inside when they see you happier than them and they will do anything to steal that from you.
they will try to be you,take what they think belongs to u or made you happy. such stupid misconception!

been there so many times and it ****** me off that some people don't know what loyalty is. you lift them up and they shamelessly try to pull you down.

but I learnt something;
when my circle got smaller
my vision got clearer
there is so much strength in loyalty, not numbers!
so cut the fake numbers down
and thank me later!

P.KIMS DIARY@C2018
real talk

She didn’t miraculously wake up with a whole bottle of ***** or whiskey  in her hands ,Infact she hated the first sip of it.

The tingling sensation on her soft lips and tongue was not really something she loved.But she sipped on; slowly and lost in thoughts. Hoping every bitter gulp would drown the emptiness that was slowly engulfing her pure innocent soul. She hoped the pain ailing her would all be gone in the morning and she would be happy, free and unscarred.

But it was a fantasy cut short by the unfriendlly world she found herself in.Her search for love met by a million heartbreaks.Her passion in life crushed by a corrupt,rotten system.Dreams of a happy family gone in a split flash.  Friends slipping away before she could stop them. How could she dare to trust again?

So she sipped on and on,danced wild and hard...One glass after another until she couldn’t feel a thing.She wished the feelling would last ;of a freed body,soul and mind but alas! It never came to pass.

I know her too well, I feel the weight of the anger flowing through her veins,I feel her struggle in every letter on this page. The solace she finds in her glass of ***** is heavenly. It takes her to a safe place where she doesn’t have to turn and toss sleeplessly all night.where she can laugh,jump and dance without a worry;all by herself.

She has been judged a million times but she still wont trade her bottle.for it never walks out on her,never betrays her trust, never demands more than she can give,always there when she feels like giving up. And in silence, her bottle understands and keeps her secrets like no human can.

So if you meet her,leave her to sip her drink in peace.for if you can’t be as loyal as her bottle,then she doesn’t need you at all.

Something drew me to him
He was warm and humorous
His hand lingered on mine
Soft as a feathers’ brush

His words were a soft caress
my ears couldn't resist
It was like playing my favorite lyrics
I listened,believed and danced to his tune

My instincts pushed me to ran
Away from his uncertain eyes
Escape from his unsteady gaze
But i stayed..  

Together we strayed
Oh no!..  my unsuspecting heart led me
Wait!. I think my body mislead me..
Or was it the few shots of *****?

Oh how easily I trusted!
And how wish I didn’t
I should have known
Fake caresses cause deep wounds.

I feel it now
The tight painful grip on my heart
Slowly wriggling to my stomach
The anger is sickening!

Pass me a bottle of wine
For tonight I shall drown that anger
I will erase the insignificant memory
Of his deceitful caress.

P.KIMS.@C2016

It started with a flashy diamond ring
Which he put on my *******
Call me a gold-digger but I love shiny,precious and expensive stones on my skin
I definitely said YES.

And before I even updated my facebook status
Or ***** about it with my girlfriend
I was halfway on a trip to meet my in-laws
And then the rules began flowing in
The do’s and dont’s

I tried to change
Oh yes i Did

Tried biting my tongue often
so his friends would love me
Wearing the dresses he liked
To portray his flashy lifestyle
Laughing at his dry,stupid jokes
Ain't that what loyal girlfriends do?

I couldn’t even drink my favorite beer
Or my favorite tequila shots
Dance my troubles away like crazy
Whats would his mates say?
‘Good girls drink wine, clean,
Cook and wait for the man to come home’ He said so.

So I decided to try and change
Sat through his boring meetings
Let him do all the talking
Let him take care of me
Ask for permission when going out
And report when I get back home
Pick his calls at the first ring
I let him own me.

I was in heaven but only for a short time
His claws started showing
Lies, games and his real character
And lots of baby mamas’

It hit me a little too late
In my effort to please him and everyone else,
I had lost myself,my dreams, my freedom
I had forgotten how beautiful and ambitious I am
For what?
Love? A piece of diamond?
Hell no!
I can buy tones of shiny gems on my own.

I gladly let him walk away
I was sad for a moment
Then back to the happy gal I always was.

Being single ain’t a disability
so take all the time you need
till you get where you wonna be.

Little by little,
I saw the world beneath her feet crumble,
Leaving her nothing to hold on to,
Her eyes blurred...
She couldnt hold the tears anymore.

In a flashback,
She saw her life come to an end,
What would she live for?,
he was her life,
and that life was sinking fast.

she couldnt comprehend,
why he would stab her so deep,
so severely..
It couldnt be true,she told herself,
there had to be a mistake.

sadly, it was no dream
It was real,
he was leaving her,
unaware of the wounds and pain,
his footprints would bear.

I should have held her hand,
I should have wiped her tears,
but how could i?
My pain would crawl in too,
She would be without a husband
And I, without a Dad.