there was a boy in the elevator
who smelled like you

it had been a long day
and my head was full of smog
and my stomach was already
eating away at my insides
like acid

i knew it wasn't you
you never come here
and he was too short and skinny
and he didn't have your face

but even after all this time
i smelled a boy who smelled
like your cologne

and suddenly it was you
with your head on my shoulder
me inhaling deeply
because i used to love your scent
so much i'd steal your shirts
and wear them during class
and hold the sleeve over my nose
to remember you

i didn't have time to think
i didn't have to
the human sense of smell is weak
and rarely useful
but it carries memories
better than any other vector

my heart beat faster
the smell seemed to take up
all the air in the confined space
and the noises bounced around
like ping pong *****

and from deep within my gut
on a two floor elevator ride
came the fear that i associate
with you

No one ran me over with their car
Or abandoned me out in the rain
No one dropped me in a toilet
Or opened me up and fried me
Or dropped me and cracked the screen

I'm just defective
It's not your fault
Manufacturer error

You should probably just send me back and ask for a new one.

do you know how it feels
to be like me-
to lie and fight the wrongness
of your skin and bones
to feel fake
like an alien inhabiting your own shell
like a square peg in a round hole.
your face is a mask,
your name, a false label.
the most devastating betrayal is
the betrayal of your voice.
other parts feel empty, missing,
broken, burdensome, weak.
an inextinguishable sadness
lingers in your veins-
just enough to sting.

do you know how it feels?

i think you do

you are a human
your body is also a
prison

I see you smile from far away
Watching as you create the day
How many stars can you outshine
You make me wonder how you’re mine

Don’t touch the sun cause it’s too hot
But I’m a wax-winged astronaut
And I don’t care if I get burned
Cause I’m that fool who never learned

I spread my wings and touch the sky
I have to catch you or I’ll die
I don’t just fall for anyone
I’m Icarus and you’re the sun