Further down the river
is a quiet island,
my hideout in days of yore
when love as a narcotic
seeped in to my blood streams
coursing wildly to the beat
of my thumping heart.
Tides from the estuary
never touch its shores
waters are wave-less there,
nature is at her fecund best.

We rowed and rowed
but found nothing there,
turbulently lashing waves
told us a story different
from the one  for long
in my mind encapsulated.
I stood for a moment, accepting defeat
and felt  the maelstrom of time
swirling around, emphasizing on
the irrevocability of  the things past.

From where does this pain come?

Once close to my heart,
the island in my mind's stream,
though I left behind and
swam forward not to look back,
is still there, though not here in space.

I heard that perhaps this planet is just the hell for another, and I hope with all my heart those words are false.
With every sunset and every broken heart , a veil is placed over the eyes straining for morning and beautiful songs in the distance.
Over my eyes...
Cynicism is a poison running through my veins and paranoia is the noose around my neck.
"There is a degree of difficulty in dealing with me."
I can see in their words,
hear in your voice, how I can make a simple life hard.
Call me chaos because I am anything but easy.
Find me walking through the abandoned playgrounds trying to hold on to the child in me because he is the only thing fighting to keep me free..
Find me and swing away.
Hold my hand now and again and
don't let me get buried in myself...

She brought
two pieces of cake
her mother had made
to the pond

she termed our lake  
and we sat
on the dry summer grass
she unwrapped the paper

and handed me
the slice of cake
looks good
I said

it is
Judith said
she can do
some things right

the cake was sweet
and soft
and mouth watering
I held the cake

over my palm
collecting every crumb
she looked out
over the pond

the still skin
of water
flies hovering
over the top

bird calls and songs
and the sun seeping
through
the tall trees

overhead
she had her hair tied
in an untidy bun
at the back

her grey dress
came to the knees
dimly flowered
I sneaked these out

Judith said
not often
I get the chance
well done

I said
the last few crumbs
were gone now
just a damp palm

where they had been
she finished hers
and licked her palms
do you remember

when we first
came here?
she asked
yes

I said
winter
and I was frozen
and my fingers

were numb
she smiled
yes and I licked them
warm again

I smiled too
it had been
as she said
frozen fingers

****** warm
her mouth over
the fingers
one by one

wouldn't do it
for just anyone
she said
I hope not

I said
that first kiss
recall that?
she asked

of course
Christmas
while carol singing
and the moon bright

and you embracing me
and our lips
kind of met
you embraced me too

she said
your lips met mine
they did I recalled
sitting there

next to her
her body so close
to mine
I could hear

her heart beat
her pulse race
what carol
were the others

singing?
she asked
haven't a clue
I said

too busy kissing
and you had
your hand
drawing me tighter

to you
on my backside
yes I did
didn't I

a bird flew across
the pond noiseilly
we looked up
caught sunlight

with our eyes
bird sounds
clouds passed
her hand

touched mine
a tingle raced
along my nerves
ringing bells

in my head
years have fled
time emptied away
and she is dead.

I feel
strange
like sunlight is trying to escape
through every crack in my body.
I don't know if this is happiness
but it sure isn't
sad.

Something aside of the things that have come
falls on your head and you're suddenly numb

Waiting for nothing, there's nothing in sight
no one can tell you to pick up the fight

So many voices are carrying words
even my own become lost, go unheard

It's taken me longer perhaps than it should
to let understanding wash over the good  

I need the water as much as you do
I'll take a sip and the rest is for you

it was an incredibly
sad thought that hid
itself well, almost didn't
catch it--I wished I were
a boy when I love being
a girl, as if the amount of
self-loathing I expend would
disintegrate if I were a different
gender.