Blokes in the bar sure do say some weird stuff
Like "love to **** her ******* and eat her ****"
Seem to have animals on their mind all the while
"I'd like to see her ***** or do her *******"

What does all that mean? I'd really love to know
And how does a woman have a nice *******?
If a woman comes close and she's a real **** one
One of them may say "I'd like to give the ferret a run"

A bloke went to the toilet seemed quite annoyed
Said he was gonna shake hands with the unemployed
"You mean syphon the python" asked one of the men
"Not really, just shake hands with the wives best friend"

He said he wanted a ***** to his wife late last night
"Gee mate you shoulda seen it, I had a mongrel alright"  
Apparently she said "no" and he threatened to leave her
Said he wasn't hanging around if he didn't get any ******

Fred said his wife was gorgeous and he had always adored
But lately she was off ***, didn't want any more pork sword
Frank's wife was the same and she hardly left the cottage
Would never let Frank touch her or play hide the sausage

Max, reckoned he'd nearly had more than a man could take
Couldn't get near the missus with his one eyed trouser snake
As for Gerard, He said "think my wife's taking me for a sucker"
"Told me to keep away with the blue veined custard chucker"

A **** dark woman walked past, Marty said "I'd give her a ride"
The barman just laughed and mumbled "they are all pink inside"
Jack joined in saying "leave it alone Marty or you'll get blisters"
"Besides, if you turn them upside down they're definitely sisters"

In the bar I heard a bloke say "I'd give her the old Wham Bam"
"Sure would like to get the old love muscle up her  bearded clam"
As the bar closed Jerry joked " If the flags are up at my place"
"I'll put my ***** between her *****, give her a pearl necklace"

All these men laugh and joke as the barman says to the group
"You buggers won't get any because you'll have brewers droop"
As I finish my wine and leave someone says "on ya bike ya miser"
Do you know what they are on about? because I'm none the wiser

Feel like a *******, only used at night
Never appreciated, I don't think its right
People make use of me with little thought at all
Without me they'd be in the dark, could trip or fall

Never worry about me, couldn't care if I'm hurting
But! don't they complain when I'm not working
Stuck out here in the weather in all extremes
They all rely on me or that is the way it seems

Only time I get washed is when it happens to rain
Sometimes I short out and spark, oh what pain
My cover is old, yes its all cracked and broken
Does any one give a dam? you must be joking

Dogs **** there leg next to me and take a ****
Birds **** all over me, I don't think I deserve this  
Men lean their girl against me for a kiss and a feel
Undesirables stand below me to make a drug deal

Police try to solve crimes perhaps stop an odd fight
No idea most of the time, I try to shed a bit of light
Concreted to the ground, can't move surely not fair
Stuck out in the weather with my head high in the air

Once I was hit by a drunk driver and knocked to the ground
Police and firetruck arrived, driver was nowhere to be found
Sparks and electrical currents, gee **** it certainly hurt
Firemen threw powder over me,  too dangerous to squirt

I lay on the ground for a week, some flags around me
People stayed away at night, just wasn't possible to see
Then along came some workers, absolute gentlemen
Fixed me up good and using a crane stood me up again

I cannot understand people at all, certainly not fair
I needed to be run over before they showed any care
They are all happy to use me while my heart glows
Don't they cuss though if my poor old globe blows

Two thousand graves all in narrow rows
Which one is my dad's? God only knows
Who is buried where, no one could be sure
Please tell me mummy why dad went to war

My poor dad was flown out early one morn
Mum was pregnant, I still hadn't been born
Wasn't long, he looked down the barrel of a gun
Dead at twenty two and never got to see his son

Ambushed they were, certainly never had a chance
Had absolutely no warning as the enemy advanced
Machine guns, grenades, cannons and lots of mortar
Just before dawn, it was like lambs to the slaughter

Two thousand died that day, mostly young men
Sure hope our country never suffers like that again
Lonely women at home pregnant or with a small kid
Such a tragedy should never reoccur, heaven forbid

Today is dad's thirtieth birthday and we shed a tear
Should be with me and mum celebrating with a beer
Why must they fight, do countries have to go to war
Not just me without a dad but many thousands more

Only a kid and I'm walking around the cemetery in a trance
Can't all the world leaders just try and give peace a chance
War has made me lonely and my dear old mum is a mess
Trying to find dad's grave but sadly she'll need to guess