I'm sorry.
I am a coward, I know.
You said "I love you" but instead of saying it back, I choked on it instead. Like that time when my friend was crying so hard at 2am because her boyfriend said that he didn't love her anymore. So she choked on her tears, and I watched her fall apart.

Then I look at you at night, lying on my bed. I was holding your hand tightly, just to make sure that you won't leave. Because every time I see you sleeping on my bed, it reminds me how my old house shook when my dad closed the door one last time. He left in the middle of the night, with no warning. I held my mom as she try to pretend she's okay in front of me, but then collapse because her own body couldn't carry so much pain. She cried, she cried so much that she didn't have any tears left. She talked less, and you almost feel like she's invisible. I was afraid to blink because I might lose her. She was fading away.

Then there was this girl in my grade. She was so vibrant and lovely. We sat together in math class. She only talks about her boyfriend and her love for music. One day, she skipped class. I saw her in the hallway, her hair wasn't combed, and she didn't even try to dress pretty like she used to. I remember going to the washroom and finding her there crying. She didn't go to school the next day. She drowned her pain with pills, and it worked. She will never feel any pain ever again.

That's why I have to run. It's not because I don't love you, but because I do.