The scent
The sounds
The vibrant colour
The excited tones and syllables
It's Christmas
I can't stand it
It's two weeks til my 19th birthday
In my stomach; a dark pit, sickness, knots
In my head; panic, darkness, fear
In my heart; fear, sadness
I can't stand the word Christmas
I can't stand the smell of fruit mince pies, gingerbread houses, tinsel
I can't stand the lights and smiles and trees with baubles so bright and lights flashing
I can't stand the happiness, holding hands, singing families
It's Christmas and I'm holding your hand, singing for comfort, yours and mine
and you're dying
I'm smelling death
I'm hearing words like renal failure, hypoxia, cancer; and I'm scared out of my wits
It's Christmas time, I'm a kid and I'm sitting here waiting for you to die
It doesn't feel like Christmas at all.