Dec 2014
You could never see how hurtful your words really were, & you didn't understand when I felt pain.
2. We spent more nights trying to make you love yourself than we did actually loving each other.
3. I tried to trust you after developing trust issues because of someone else, & you defiled the little trust right under my nose. & ever since then I loved you selfishly because I knew in the end you didn't want to be mine.
4. I spent a long time thinking about trying to heal us instead of trying to heal myself & I never put myself first.
5. I got in a relationship with someone who had hurt their exes, assured by both them and myself that they wouldn't do it to me.
6. When I felt powerless & out of control (which I did often), I hurt myself instead of telling myself what I actually deserved.
7. I started looking for answers & for solutions towards things that were not broken.
8. I wanted control so bad because I was always fearful you would find someone whom could take you attention from me. I was right about that one though.
9. We centered our worlds around each other so much that it was lonely & rare just to be without each other.
10. You had told me that all you needed from me was for me to listen, & I had promised that that was what you would receive. But instead I started formulating solutions that you had never desired.
11. I valued myself on how much you loved me, which was a lot, but then when you stopped I wasn't worth the same anymore.
12. When I first thought I didn't want to be in this relationship, I stayed convinced things would get better. When I learned to accept you in order for us to be happy, you learned that you were happier not relying on me.
13. I sought the kind of relationship you had promised we would have before I ever knew if your words were true.
14. Being alone frightens me more than being in an unhappy relationship.
15. I had known for some time that our love was abusive with our words & feelings, but I had hoped you wouldn't see it.
16. I planted all my love & energy for a person who didn't have the same amount t plant for me.
17. All great empires must fall, & ours was the greatest of all.
18. Songs we hadn't even comprehended became 'our song' simply because they sounded good, much like how we both desired different things, but together it sounded good so it was okay.
20. You keep saying you're not worth it, but I think you're worth much more.
21. I had learned that someone else's happiness was more important than me, but you only clung to the ideal because it was right - you never lived by it.
22. The beauty you felt for my smile must have faded from your eyes with each day.
23. After we ended I tried to find comfort in someone else, but I know no one could ever love me like you could. I hope you find someone who loves you more than I could ever offer.
24. Manipulation existed in every doorway & windowsill of our love, making it difficult to flee in cause of a fire. You found a way though.
25. When I look down at these fresh cuts on my arm, one for every reason, I feel whole but empty at the same time. I'm still me, but not who I was.
26. I continue to put you first even though you'd made me last.
27. I invited you into my rib cage as a home because you had none, but you left it in shambles.
28. I numbed your pain & you enhanced my pleasure: I was like aspirin and you were ****; you reached for me when you needed me - I reached for you because I needed you. And when there was none of you to reach for left, I was left with an awful addiction I couldn't afford.
29. Feelings change but mine for you have not.
30. I have no more reasons but I want to put more down because inside I have all the reasons in the world, I'm just still trying to sort them out.
2. We spent more nights trying to make you love yourself than we did actually loving each other.
3. I tried to trust you after developing trust issues because of someone else, & you defiled the little trust right under my nose. & ever since then I loved you selfishly because I knew in the end you didn't want to be mine.
4. I spent a long time thinking about trying to heal us instead of trying to heal myself & I never put myself first.
5. I got in a relationship with someone who had hurt their exes, assured by both them and myself that they wouldn't do it to me.
6. When I felt powerless & out of control (which I did often), I hurt myself instead of telling myself what I actually deserved.
7. I started looking for answers & for solutions towards things that were not broken.
8. I wanted control so bad because I was always fearful you would find someone whom could take you attention from me. I was right about that one though.
9. We centered our worlds around each other so much that it was lonely & rare just to be without each other.
10. You had told me that all you needed from me was for me to listen, & I had promised that that was what you would receive. But instead I started formulating solutions that you had never desired.
11. I valued myself on how much you loved me, which was a lot, but then when you stopped I wasn't worth the same anymore.
12. When I first thought I didn't want to be in this relationship, I stayed convinced things would get better. When I learned to accept you in order for us to be happy, you learned that you were happier not relying on me.
13. I sought the kind of relationship you had promised we would have before I ever knew if your words were true.
14. Being alone frightens me more than being in an unhappy relationship.
15. I had known for some time that our love was abusive with our words & feelings, but I had hoped you wouldn't see it.
16. I planted all my love & energy for a person who didn't have the same amount t plant for me.
17. All great empires must fall, & ours was the greatest of all.
18. Songs we hadn't even comprehended became 'our song' simply because they sounded good, much like how we both desired different things, but together it sounded good so it was okay.
20. You keep saying you're not worth it, but I think you're worth much more.
21. I had learned that someone else's happiness was more important than me, but you only clung to the ideal because it was right - you never lived by it.
22. The beauty you felt for my smile must have faded from your eyes with each day.
23. After we ended I tried to find comfort in someone else, but I know no one could ever love me like you could. I hope you find someone who loves you more than I could ever offer.
24. Manipulation existed in every doorway & windowsill of our love, making it difficult to flee in cause of a fire. You found a way though.
25. When I look down at these fresh cuts on my arm, one for every reason, I feel whole but empty at the same time. I'm still me, but not who I was.
26. I continue to put you first even though you'd made me last.
27. I invited you into my rib cage as a home because you had none, but you left it in shambles.
28. I numbed your pain & you enhanced my pleasure: I was like aspirin and you were ****; you reached for me when you needed me - I reached for you because I needed you. And when there was none of you to reach for left, I was left with an awful addiction I couldn't afford.
29. Feelings change but mine for you have not.
30. I have no more reasons but I want to put more down because inside I have all the reasons in the world, I'm just still trying to sort them out.
