ten months
ten months wasted on a soul who
couldn’t care less if my last breath was drained
praying for forgiveness or speaking their name
ten months spent with a being who
would rather be the cause of tears streaming down my face
than shed one themselves


from the beginning i was warned.
but the caution signs and police tape that wrapped around your chest wasn’t enough to keep me out,
i had to see for myself.
it was only then that i knew, first hand, what it meant to be held captive.
i walked through fields of glass, tiptoed through bushels of thorns
and swam through eel infested canals
to keep your anger at bay,
but one misstep, one slip, or a breath taken too late
and i’d awaken the beast that lurked inside.


forty years ago a robbery took place in stockholm, sweden
and for six days four people were held hostage in a bank vault,
later rescued with no hatred held.
through threats they grew compassion,
through desperation they found trust,
and ultimately the kidnapped formed a bond with their captors.
there were no physical cuffs that tied me to you,
but the emotional torment you put me through
somehow didn’t compare to the drunken night
i stumbled through your doorway
only to find myself face-first on the ground, choking on my own vile.
apologies bound by spit were silenced by the washcloth you
ran down my spine, your eyes radiated nothing but love.
you haven’t looked at me the same ever since.

but for a while i didn’t care
because i could forget the bad to only see the good
and i could deal with falling asleep to the howls of my own sorrow,
strung along by the hope that tomorrow you would douse the burning bridges,
but the flames grew too high for me to handle,
and i decided it was time i run through the ring of fire to safety
because i’d rather suffer a small burn than be engulfed in your blaze.


take this how you will but just know
this is not an ode to my sadness,
to the heartbreak you put me through.
this is my way of saying that after i scoured through the barren lands known as your heart, i’ve finally made my way out.
this is my way of saying that after ten forsaken months,
i am free.