I imagine that my words can never be rational.
I imagine that my words can never be something you love.
I imagine that who I am is something that you will forget.
As my mind wonders the pages that I skim.
I imagine that you don't even remember my name.
I look harder at what I am trying to read.
But I still imagine your lipstick smudged smile against the blinding sun
I focus on each word in front of me.
I begin to read the title of what I want to read.
Self...Some how I lose track again.
and I imagine the blotted dark night sky against tree tops.
You know that one night that we spent together by the lake?
That one wonderful night where you told me all the things about you
Yes I still remember what you told me
How you always loved the sunflowers that grew around the summer
and it's amazing how much detail I remember of those times
and how I bought a dress of sunflowers the very next day for you.
I stop
Realizing that I need to stop imagining
I need to stop imagining how you are with someone else now
I need to stop imagining you wearing that dress for another
and how they will hold you while you wear that dress
I begin to read the article, even though I didn't finish the title yet
I suppose I forgot that I didn't finish the title yet
and I skim back to the top of the page
Imagining to myself how can I forget that
but can not seem to erase the thoughts of you from my brain
I think back to what I ate today, and I can't seem to remember
My stomach rumbles and with that I am reminded that I have not ate
Sadly with that same rumbling I imagine their pet name you gave
You called the rumbles rusty as they reminded you of an old rusty man
I slam my face near the screen and begin to read the title
Self help guide on how to not commit suicide: 10 easy tips
and I skip past all 9 till I get to number 1
*It says to imagine doing something else other than reading this article.