When I was young i never drank coffee I worried about my health. Coffee was bitter, and I needed to take care of myself for you.  But after you left me high and dry, I lived off of coffee and late night drives to the cemetery. I wrote till my fingers bled. For you. I find inspiration in the bitter taste of coffee because I realize now I am only safe in the bitterness of coffee, in the bitterness of myself. I used to make myself eat at least three times a day, and drink lots of water. I stopped doing that once I tasted the lies you fed me. I eat when I'm hungry now, and I drink coffee and high fructose drinks. I've lost weight and I hate standing up. I won't say this is all your fault, because that would be a villainous lie. The truth is that you forced me to want to live with myself and now that you're gone I can't live right.